Long Haul

Turns out, I really enjoy chores that offer immediate, obvious results. Making the bed, for example, is fairly simple and the outcome is obvious improvement to the entire state of a bedroom.  Dishes, too! Derek would have me take better advantage of the dish washer but I honestly love plunging my hands into that soapy water and scrubbing away the grime. A drying rack full of sparkling plates and utensils is easily achieved and oh-so-rewarding; a legitimate form of therapy at the end of a tiresome day.
The undertakings in this life that truly matter, however, do not usually offer immediate results or boast of obvious, easy success. Darn it. When it comes to faith, marriage, parenting, leaving a legacy, making an impact, building lasting relationships, or anything at all that makes this life worth living- you better believe we're in it for the long haul. Choosing to invest time, energy and efforts into the lives of actual human beings around us is no small feat. If there was 'fine print' it would read 'feelings of exhaustion 99.9% guaranteed.' But these long haul investments are why we are on this planet.

As I battled both physical and emotional fatigue (and quite possibly a bad attitude) this last weekend, Jesus met me with two truths. First, 'let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.' Galatians 6:9  Keep on keeping on! 'Doing good' most definitely wears a girl out but I am told to persevere. The harvest will come and it will be epic, but this is not yet 'the proper time'. This is the time for sowing seed, working the fields. Whether it's in the life of my husband, tiny son, friends or the cashier I'm getting to know at Target, today is a day to invest. And I can be confident that, regardless of the when, how or whether I even get to witness it, there will be a harvest to reap someday.
Invest yourself even when you don't feel like it! For me, right now, it's getting down on the floor and playing games, being consistent, being present, folding five piles of laundry, and braving the Costco run. It might look different for you but the the encouragement is for us all; we must not give up.

This would be an overwhelming task if not for the second truth: 'being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.' Philippians 1:6 The One who made me, loves me, saved me, pursues me regardless of my attitude.. yeah, He's in it for the long haul and He will NEVER give up. He is my motivation and the source of strength so desperately needed to run this race. Jesus is working within me and that is why I can keep investing in the lives He's placed around me.
And, thankfully, those sweet and easily-achieved moments of success or delight are generously sprinkled throughout our journey, too. A Pupu platter (Hawaiian term for appetizers :), if you will! It does a heart good to enjoy those contented sighs after a home cooked meal has been devoured!  Big smiles after a water fight in the front yard, fresh squeezed orange juice and laughing with friends are a beautiful part of life. (Power washing our sidewalk did a world of good for my mental state this last weekend.)
Persevere, yes. But at the same time- if you're burnt out, find a way to refuel and be inspired! These truths go hand in hand. We're committed to the long haul; we invest, by the grace of God, in a harvest that will be reaped in the future. AND we take time to savor the beauty of today, remembering that we are all a work in progress and, thank goodness, the One working us all out is in it for the long haul!

'Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith..' Hebrews 12:1-2 

Legacy of Love

So, I'm just going to say it: We're all searching for the meaning of life.  We want to know why we're here, if we matter, and whether anything we do today will make any difference at all.  I mean, seriously. We read books, peruse the blogs and seek out inspiration in its various forms. Sure, there are phases where we feel incredibly motivated and fulfilled but, for one reason or another, the search continues. This weekend I discovered an old truth in a new way.  I gleaned treasure from an unexpected source.

I've never been especially fond of funerals. (Not that anyone really is..) But we went to one this weekend; a memorial service.  A wonderful woman fought a fierce battle with cancer and is now dancing with Jesus.  I didn't ever have the privilege of meeting her; we are friends of the family. Derek did meet her, right after a bout with chemo but before you could see the vibrant life being drained from her body.
We went in support of the family but by the time we left I felt as though I was family. This woman's love for Jesus was so incredibly contagious; it spilled out of every single person that got up to share and it wrapped itself around all those who had gathered. Her faith is one that will continue to impact and inspire countless lives. And without ever having met this woman, she was able to remind me of truth that none of 'the books' can quite sum up. She knew that the only thing that outlives these bodies we inhabit is the love we give away. Love is what makes anything worth doing; makes every moment matter!

This woman left a legacy of love; love for Jesus and love for all those around her. She has four sons and they each stood up and shared about their Mom. I haven't been to a funeral since becoming a Mama and I had no idea how their words would affect me. These boys, now men with lives and babes of their own, talked of a woman who had always been for them.  The road she journeyed in this life was not an easy one, but she kept her eyes on the One who makes it worth walking and let His love flow through her.  They remembered her coming for them time and time again, sitting with them, praying over them; she never gave up on them and their lives are testimony of her love!
When Jesus was asked about the greatest commandment He replied ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” [Matthew 22:37-40]

That sums it all up, then; love? And we're wondering if it can be that simple. I know you're facing hard decisions or overwhelming debt, family members are sick or maybe life feels exhausting and mundane.  I'm over here just rolling meatballs, singing the alphabet song, changing poopy diapers and wondering when I last did my crunches. What we do today may seem like nothing special but if it translates to LOVE to even one person, then it means everything.
Jesus said it all hangs on this and I believe Him! I saw it spelled out this weekend as people stepped up and said how this woman never gave up on them and that love changed their life. She journeyed alongside many people, sharing Jesus like a broken record and...yeah, in the end, it meant everything! Paul writes it to the Galatians, 'the only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love.'  [Galatians 5:6]
So, don't give up. Please don't underestimate what you're doing today. Live in love; let it spill over into everything you do, no matter how weary you may be. Love makes the difference; only Love can soften hearts and it is Love that will continue working long after you've left this world and gone to dance with Jesus.

'Child, YOU MATTER!'

Sitting indian-style there on the grass, I offered up my apology.  At first, it appeared as though my son's sole focus was shredding tiny flowers from the bush in our front yard.  But when my ramblings came to an end, he took a pause from the flower demolition job.  He picked a single, pink bud between miniature thumb and index finger and oh-so-carefully brought it to his Mama.  He looked into my eyes, smiled and then was off.  He brought me more flowers, filled my whole skirt with them.  We started tossing pink buds in the air, letting them rain down on us while we giggled.  Just like that I was forgiven; shortcomings forgotten.  Sweet, sweet grace.
The reason for my apology lie somewhere between dragging Owen all across this side of the island, being a check-list gestapo and also 'needing' to attend to one hundred and one things on my phone.  All he wanted was to go outside; my sweet boy.  I know that our life can't revolve around what he wants and errands must be run but, honestly, this day I had pushed too hard.  He brought me my shoes as I vacuumed, pulled on my leg as I layered the lasagna.  I kept saying 'Almost, love... almost.'  And when we actually made it outside, just minutes before the sun was about to set, I finally got it.  Finally realized that in the rush to get everything done it's so easy to brush past the few things that matter

I've found that the sweetest of times may transpire from the most basic of ingredients.  Whether I'm with Derek or Owen or a sweet friend, the beautiful moments are made up of simply sharing in life together.  It doesn't have to be gourmet or spic' and span or expertly planned.  Looking someone in the eye and being there whether they want to talk or not; loving, laughing and refusing to be distracted- these are the only ingredients necessary to let someone know they matter!  My boys certainly appreciate delicious food but they'll be perfectly content with bean and cheese burritos if it means I'm actually sitting with them, enjoying the moment.  There's a balance of course, which I learn and re-learn on a daily basis.  But it's possible that I tend to speak a love language of doing when the ones around me hear love best through my simply being.
It was first thing in the morning, I had just heated up Owen's milk and we were both sitting on the floor rubbing sleep from our eyes.  The coffee was taking exceptionally long to brew and I was wondering why, exactly, the day had begun so early.  But pretty soon I made funny eyes at him and some milk spilled out of his crooked grin. A tickle fight ensued and the day seemed a bit less daunting.  It reminded me of times spent on the floor with MY Dad, eating ice cream and discussing the mysteries of life or... nothing at all.  I don't remember why we sat on the kitchen floor, I just remember that we did; that he would get down there with me and nothing else mattered which conveyed the most beautiful truth to me: that I MATTERED!

So, life is crazy over here.  Owen is, quite literally, a ball of energy.  Yesterday, before I could even grasp what was happening, he climbed onto a chair, pulled himself up the back and SUMMERSAULTED over the top.  Thankfully, he landed straight in my lap, but I'm fairly certain that was coincidence!  His pediatrician predicts that if he stays on his current growth curve, he'll be six feet tall!  Oh, and he's been peeing in his little man toilet!  (But, if we're being honest here I should probably admit that he's also peed on his favorite teddy bear and all over the living room rug!  Am I allowed to duct tape the diaper onto this child?)  He learns new words on a daily basis and brings us more joy than we ever thought possible!!  But, yeah.. it's a crazy life!
A few nights ago, on the way home from a downtown adventure, I reached back to the little man's carseat and he grabbed onto my hand.  His little fingers wrapped tight around mine and he held fast until we got home; a good 10 minutes!  I told Derek my arm was cramped up in ways I didn't realize possible, but there was NO WAY I was retracting my hand.  Those moments are the cherry on top.  In his own way, my tiny son was letting me know that I matter.  It can be all crazy and messy and 'Owweeennnn, stop pulling the cat's tail!'  But in that still, sweet moment with his fingers grasping mine, I know that I matter to him more than he'll ever be able to put into words.  And when my husband asks me, at the end of a day, when it's quiet and I have room to answer honestly, 'How are you holding up?' I know it then too, that he truly sees me and that I matter.
Isn't this what is so astonishing about God's grace and what He did for us?!  We matter to the King of kings! When we were at our worst He sent His Son to take our place. And in spite of having absolutely nothing to offer, He chooses US!  He gets down on our level, meets us where we're at, whispers 'Child, YOU MATTER!' He redeems us! Romans 5:8 'But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.'  And when we first realize this truth it's breathtaking; it drops us to our knees.  But as the years go by, the intensity can fade and the routine can take over and perhaps it's time to stop rushing and remember the price that was paid.  Maybe the only One that matters is calling, waiting, longing to spend time with us.  Nothing fancy, just us and Him and the truth about where we're at- but it could be the most beautiful part of our day!  It could make all the difference.
I don't know where you're at today.  Maybe you desperately need to hear the words, 'Child, YOU MATTER!' Perhaps you are lost, forgotten, broken or just distracted; it makes no difference. Jesus sees you and He will meet you where you're at because you mean EVERYTHING to Him!  Or maybe you need to rearrange some priorities; be deliberate about letting people in your life know that THEY matter to you!  More than the lists, more than keeping up appearances, more than social media or whatever your addiction may be; the people in your life (in MY LIFE!) matter more and today is the day to show them.
So, let's get after it..

Oh yes, you can!

Our son has a thick head of hair on him.  So thick and long, in fact, that it was irritating his eyes and causing his head to sweat profusely on hot afternoons.  Obviously it was hair cut time, but I was in denial.  I knew that cutting off the locks would only expedite his growing into a toddler.  Beyond that excuse, however, was an enormous lack of confidence on my part.  See, I don't know how to cut hair!  Sure, I trim Derek's every few months but my 'training' really just consists of watching both of our mothers in action.
You can imagine my distress upon hearing Derek casually announce over breakfast, 'Owen, your Mom is giving you a hair cut today!'  I balked.  My husband wasn't phased.  'I can't!' was my earnest plea. His answer, 'Oh yes, you can!'  And, obviously, I did.  That was a few weeks ago and, although I did tackle it in two phases, I must admit to being pretty pleased with the end product.  (And Owen is very appreciative!)  It wasn't the challenge in my husband's eye that made me step up to the plate, however.  It was his confidence in me!  He saw what I could not.

My husband has a knack for seeing beyond the obvious.  I've given many of his projects the 'lost cause' label only to be proved very wrong by the final product.  He can transform overgrown jungle into landscaped bliss.  He revived an ancient, rusty wood chipper into a stump eating machine!  He sees possibility even though it may require time, money, failed attempts, blood, sweat and or tears.  Once my husband catches a glimpse of the potential and deems the cause a worthy one, look out, he is the definition of a 'man on a mission'.
I love being married to Derek.  Of course I give him grief about all his different undertakings, but the truth is: he's ingenious and incredibly talented.  My husband has encouraged me in ways he'll never even realize; pushing me to live out my full potential, challenging me to pursue my gifts and passions, inspiring me to try... well, anything!  Apparently, if it can be Googled- it can be mastered.  And his vote of confidence is not only transforming forgotten trees and broken down tractors, but a wife that desperately needs to hear, 'Oh yes, you can!'

Just another day at the office...

Derek encourages me to jump off of cliffs (and out of airplanes!), to play more piano, bake more pies and apply for jobs I feel extremely under qualified for.  Because of him I've learned to dive deeper, I've realized I DO know how to cut hair and if he has his way, I'll write a book someday.  He knows my heart and he can call out the best in me even when I've had the worst of days.  How much more so, does Jesus see potential in me?  In all of us.  Yes, my best friend knows my heart, but Jesus MADE that heart.  

When I feel burnt out, overwhelmed or discouraged, God reminds me that I am more than a conqueror through Him who loved me! [Romans 8:37]  When I want to give up He reminds me that I can do all things through Him who strengthens me! [Philippians 4:13]  When I feel unmotivated He says that I am 'His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand," [Ephesians 2:10]  Christ Jesus sees massive potential IN ME.  He's chosen me for a purpose and despite my many faults, when He looks at me there is confidence in his eyes, too!  

I may still feel incredibly under qualified for the tasks at hand; apart from watching my Mama do it, I have no 'training' in discipling a mini man, loving my husband well or making our home a place that inspires.  But the God that calls into being things that were not can certainly see what I can't.  He says He's given me all I need and as I dig my heels in once again, scrambling for excuses, my Papa simply smiles and says, 'Oh yes, you can!' 

When NOT to take pictures..

He wrapped both arms AND legs around my middle, squeezed hard and then leaned back to look at my face.  He touched my nose with his tiny, little index finger and simply said 'Mama!'  What a way to start the day.  How could I possibly turn him down, then, when he requested an early morning chicken hunt?  With toothbrush (his current weapon of choice) in hand and sleep barely rubbed out of the eyes, Owen continued 'balk, balk, balk'ing until we ventured out into a brand new morning.  We didn't find any balkers on that particular outing, but we chattered away and then we were silent and we pointed out each puffy cloud all tinged with pink.  Another moment for my internal scrapbook.
Pages are filling up fast in my mind.  Derek scoops up our little man and wrestles him into tickling position, their laughter bubbling over while I brew the coffee.  I can't take a picture of that and, honestly, in my scrambling to capture the beauty of those flailing limbs and giggling sounds I'll miss the moment.  I'm learning to simply enjoy it.
Now, some moments simply BEG to be photographed and there's plenty of opportunity for that; more than enough snap shots to be framed.  But I'm learning to be content with mental pictures, too.  I'm learning when not to take pictures; when not to scramble and click and obsess over the perfect angle.  There is a time to snap away, please don't get me wrong.  But there are most definitely occasions where grabbing for a camera or phone will, unintentionally, convey to my boys that 'capturing the moment' is somehow more important than actually being in it with them.
Things got quiet this morning as I scrubbed oatmeal from the bottom of a pan and quiet means I need to investigate...fast!  There on the porch sat my son and our dog.. little arm flung over furry neck, boy and his best friend gazing at the potential of this day.  I tried to sneak a picture but the pooch heard me and jumped up, Owen took a digger and why couldn't I just stand there and take it in?!
I should know already.  It's like the sunsets here.  I'm always trying to 'capture' them in pictures, but it's an impossible task.  There is no way that all the glory, majesty and streaking colors; the dramatic accents and ginormous, sinking ball of fire melting into glassy sea could be contained within a single click of my iPhone.  I must learn to simply soak it in.
Last weekend I sat on the grass next to my husband, mesmerized by the dancing of bonfire flames.  Friends laughed and marshmallows were roasted and there was no need for anything but being right there.  It was wonderful.
I didn't mean to write this post.  My intention was to scribe something sweet about the beauty of moments.  But then all of this spilled out and now I keep thinking of Psalm 46:10  'He says, "Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth,"  And another version phrases it 'Cease striving..'  And maybe that's what it all bubbles down to; not whether it's okay to take pictures of beautiful moments, but whether or not I'm seeing God in those moments?  Do I know Him well enough that I recognize His signature everywhere I look?  Am I intimately familiar with my Heavenly Father, to the point where giving thanks to Him [in all things! 1 Thessalonians 5:18] feels as natural and necessary as breathing?  If not, the answer is simple- 'Be still and know that I am God'  It's in the stillness that we will come to know Him, it's when strivings cease that we can truly live.
The definition for 'striving' is to 'make great efforts to achieve or obtain something, to struggle or fight vigorously.'  As this truth is reavealed this morning, and you're reading it as fast as I'm realizing it, I see that this is about struggling to capture something that I have been freely given.  I'll still be taking plenty of pictures, no doubt about that, but I'll be making time to NOT take pictures, too!  As the moments unfold in front of me today I want to be deliberate about recognizing them, identifying the Giver and then giving thanks for it all.  A picture's worth a thousand words but maybe being still and being in the moment could be worth infinitely more. 

Little Man Resume

Fourteen months old, 23 pounds heavy and busy as the day is long.  Hobbies include dog wrestling, coffee table scaling and jungle exploration in search of wild chickens!  Never too early to start working on the ol' resume, right?!  Oh, I've gotten ahead of myself... this is Owen, filling in for Mom because sometimes life just leaves her speechless.  Plus, I wanted to be the one to regale you with details of my latest adventures... like rock climbing and surfing lessons!  Have I mentioned that I love life?

My parents sorely underestimated my upper body strength until we checked out a super cool park in town.  Now they have a little more respect for my climbing abilities!  I also had my first surf session with Dad.  Usually Mom and I play in the water while he catches the waves, so this was pretty epic!  I see a lot more of these activities in my future... I mean, why not make the most of every minute we're alive!?
Psalm 16:11 'You make known to me the path of life; You will fill me with joy in Your presence, with eternal pleasures at Your right hand.'

Oh, add to the work experience section: professional lawn mower and up-and-coming mechanic.  How can I not be with a Dad like mine?  We put an add in the paper for his tree service (he says someday it can be Pearl & Sons Tree Service!) and that's brought in quite a few new jobs!  So many, in fact, that we had to invest in a diesel truck to pull around the wood chipper!  All these loud, manly toys are absolutely my favorite and I hang out with/on them every chance I get.

 Mom and I are thankful for such a hard working Dad that allows us to have adventures all day long!!  We like to play games, go exploring, read books, eat fruit and have dance parties.  Sometimes I think she abuses the 'adventure' label, though- like when it comes to sweeping and scrubbing the entire house.  She came up with this idea that if I'm old enough to walk, I'm old enough to have chores!  So, I'm in charge of feeding the dog and cats, carrying my plate to the sink, watering plants and a few other 'adventures' that I'm fairly certain used to be her job.  Mothers these days...   

                                       

At least she feeds me spaghetti for my efforts.  Lots of it!! 

When Dad's working on the weekends we take him lunch and say 'TIMBER' as the trees come down.  When he isn't working....we got to check out the carnival!!  Talk about over-stimulated in the best possible way!  Lights, sounds and smells in every direction.  Screaming kids and cotton candy, helicopter rides and big, scary clown faces.  It was completely awesome and no, I did not go into a sugar coma afterwords.  But speaking of favorite foods, I've acquired a taste for salsa on my eggs, thanks to Dad.  I also like spinach in my smoothies but Dad doesn't get the credit for that one.

As far as references for my resume, there's quite a few awesome people at my church that will vouch for me.  I even got to spend time with an 'Auntie' and 'Uncle' while Dad and Mom had a belated anniversary date.  They've been married for four whole years and I guess a little time on their own wasn't too much to ask..  Plus, look how nice they clean up!

Well, that's about enough words for now.  No matter how pretty a life can look on paper, what really matters is what fills your days; making an adventure out of the average and taking every opportunity to love, laugh, thank Jesus... and eat cotton candy!!  

Till next time,

Owen J.

'little by little'

Today as I power washed Owen's high chair I thought to myself,  'Yet another thing they forgot to mention in prenatal classes!'  There's quite a bit that, I'm discovering, can take you by surprise in the parenting journey.  I've met three first-time, expectant mama's in the last few weeks and I've found myself, shockingly enough, at a loss for words when I try to describe the past 14 months with our little man!  Sure, I could tell them about the thousands of diapers they will change... I think we're nearing the 3,000 mark!  I could mention the sleepless nights, because there will be those in plenty and they will reveal strengths and weaknesses you've never known existed.  But that's not really what has me scrambling for words...

Raising a child is cause for a shifting within that can only be experienced, not explained.  Nothing can prepare a heart for what will happen as tiny arms wrap tight around your neck.  Never would you believe you could be so incredibly biased or easily impressed but, of course, that's before YOUR child enters the scene!  These tiny human beings possess the remarkable ability to turn upside down a life that was once full, organized and 'on track'.  They will cause you to redefine things like 'multitasking' and 'weekend fun' and they will give deeper, truer meaning to JOY and love and sacrifice.
Thankfully, parenting is a journey.  Life is a journey!  The fact that we only need deal with and be in the moment at hand, one day at a time, is truly a gift.  You're not required to have a potty-training-game-plan (if there is such a thing) when your sweet babe is a newborn.  You get to tackle 'why not to throw your peas on the floor' and 'it's never acceptable to dunk your stuffed animals in the toilet bowl' way before reaching the teenage years (hopefully)!  We learn as we go, making plenty of mistakes along the way.  But mess ups are nothing more than material for growth, if we can learn from them.  In fact, mistakes may be an essential part of the journey.

At times I become overwhelmed by my lack of knowledge (read here: my little boy is walking and talking and sometimes I still feel clueless!)  But Jesus whispered a sweet truth to me this morning through Exodus 23.  God is telling the Israelites about the land that they will one day inhabit.  He will go before them, making a way and clearing out all those standing in their way.  There's a BUT in verse 29, though.  'But I will not drive them out in a single year, because the land would become desolate and the wild animals too numerous for you.'  Verse 30 is my favorite, 'Little by little I will drive them out before you, until you have increased enough to take possession of the land.'  Little by little!!  Why do I forget that this is how God works in my life the majority of the time?  Here I am asking for the whole enchilada and He's saying, 'Daughter, trust me, you are not ready!'  Whether it be parenting skills or owning our own home or finding answers to life's hardest questions.  I think I want it NOW and grossly underestimate all that He has in store for me along the way!
These Israelites, fresh out of captivity and hankering for a place to call their own, knew that this sweet chunk of land had their name on it.  God already said He would go before them; they were ready to stake their claim!  But God knew they were far from 'ready', there were many lessons to be learned (40 years worth of lessons, apparently!)  God knew that if they rushed in and took the land, there wouldn't be enough of them to work the ground and it would quickly become bare.  Without the man power and knowledge to fight off the wild animals, they would also be sitting ducks!  Taking possession of the Promised Land all at once would be disastrous and only God had the foresight to realize it!

To all of you feeling antsy to accomplish and overcome and climb the ladder and progress from diapers, just chill out.  I am not advocating complacency or laziness, we always press on toward the goal [Philippians 3:14]  This is, however, a reminder (mostly for myself) that 'little by little' is for our own benefit.  Take it one day at a time, don't beat yourself up for not knowing it all!  You're in this season for a reason, enjoy it!  If you can't enjoy it, cause let's face it- there's nothing sweet about teething, then learn from it.  Embrace where you're at, God may be preparing you for what is to come, saving you from getting in over your heads or simply teaching you to see beauty in THIS moment; do not miss it!  Have grace for yourself and those around you, knowing that we are all journeying 'little by little' and chances are, sweet Mama-to-be, prenatal classes won't prepare you for hardly ANY of what this journey will bring :)