Glimpses of Grace

Winter has stripped the trees of their leaves; evidence of its frosty breath glistening on frozen blades of grass each morning. Over half of the country just experienced Antarctic-like temperatures during what is being labeled as a 'polar vortex'. I linger at the back door for a minute, after letting our brave pup out for his morning patrol, my fingers resting against the icy pane as the cold makes me shiver. I'm continually amazed by the drastic difference a change of season can bring, not only to the temperature, but in so many aspects of life. Seasons, with their rather dramatic difference in both pace and scenery, remind me to reflect on the passing of time.

Wasn't it just a few short months ago that we were spending every waking moment outside, digging in the mud and floating on (cannon-balling into) the river? Now our cheeks aren't red from forgetting the sunscreen but from the bite of wind on these brisk mornings. Instead of living in our swim suits, we now bundle up for crisp walks across icy fields and return with noses running and toes like popsicles.
Yet, soon the sweet summer months will be upon us again and we'll forget all about our tilting snowmen and the pain of frozen fingers as they thaw out. We won't be thinking about the beauty of each individual flake of snow (or 'frost falling from the sky' as Daniel recently referred to it in his scramble to find the word that had slipped his mind!) One month flows into the next as time marches on and I'm learning to identify God's faithfulness throughout it all.

The boys pull me away from the door, anxious to start mixing up the banana bread (there seems to be a significant increase in baked goods around here when the weather is chilly..), but I spot it right before I turn away. A bright red Cardinal flies right past the back porch! This was not my first spotting (and 'bird watching' is not exactly on my list of hobbies). The bird flits by, on the coldest of mornings, practically shouting 'All is well!' in defiant, crimson blur of hope and life against the backdrop of cold, gray winter. The contrast is stark and I can't help but grin.
I'm calling these red bird moments 'glimpses of grace'. Little things, rather easily glanced over, that, if noticed, have the power to change perspectives and breathe hope into weary souls. When I start paying attention to these red bird moments; tracking and piecing them together, they begin to create a startling masterpiece of goodness and grace. I jot them down in my journal; a sunset that takes my breath away, unexpected encouragement at the drive-thru window, a sloppy kiss from my growing-at-the-speed-of-light toddler, tea in the mail from my sweet friend; glimpses of grace and reminders of God's goodness in the middle of my mess!

After dropping my boys off at their AWANA classes each Wednesday night, I join a group of women hungry for more and we dig deep into the Bible. We are currently in Colossians and right there in the first chapter lies the reason for my red bird moments. Colossians 1:15-17 'The Son is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. For in him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things have been created through him and for him. He is before all things, and in him all things hold together. 
Jesus, image of the Holy God we cannot see, created ALL things. And not only are 'all the things' created through Him and for Him, but He holds them all together... continually, constantly! His fingerprints are everywhere; literal glimpses of Grace Himself orchestrating every single detail of our existence. The invisible God allows these little windows into His great love for us; tangible reminders that His plans exceed our wildest expectations, if we will only trust Him. The Creator of Cardinals and sweet, sticky toddlers and the music we feel deep in our soul, sees us right here and now in the middle of our winter or impossible situation or weary soul. Grace longs for us to grab hold of these little reminders that He is at work.

'So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most.' Hebrews 4:16

Last Saturday Owen had team pictures before his basketball game, which meant we had to leave the house at 7am. Even after two cups of coffee, I wasn't exactly 'firing on all cylinders'. (But the boys were impressed when I successfully scraped the ice off my windshield with a Costco card!) I hopped in the car, extremely thankful for heated seats, and headed up the road only to come to a quick stop again as I noticed the absolute perfection on my window. The frosty snowflakes, in perfect detail, were highlighted by the rising sun on the horizon and I was awestruck. It no longer mattered that we had exactly 45 minutes to make the 45 minute drive into town. I pulled over and pointed out the glory of that moment to my boys and we all exclaimed, 'Whoa, God!! Very cool!!' Glimpses of grace! At 7 am on a Saturday, because He's always at work!

Lamentations 3:22-26 'Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him." The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD.

So the question is whether or not we are anticipating these glimpses of Grace today? Turns out, it's extremely difficult to see these red bird moments when I am in a hurry, or distracted, or longing for spring, or anxious about upcoming decisions (and the list goes on..). But that doesn't change the fact that there is still Grace in abundance awaiting each of us. The invisible God is allowing VISIBLE glimpses of Himself at work, all around us, through the simplest of details. He is in the ridiculous splashes of colors amidst the bleakest circumstances. And the more we recognize His work; acknowledging His presence and His plan, the easier it will become to identify His fingerprints. He longs to answer us and has a lifetime of goodness to reveal, if we will only call on Him and trust His plan.

Jeremiah 33:2-3 "This is what the LORD says, he who made the earth, the LORD who formed it and established it- the LORD is his name: 'Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.' "

Starting Small

My boys and I take a lot of walks, but they wouldn't usually describe it as such. In fact, they'd wrinkle their little noses and say 'No, thank you.' (hopefully, with those correct manners!) if you proposed this business of walk taking. That's because every single one of our walks start out as a simple search for 'adventure'.  Actually, backing up a bit farther, our walks start with checking the temperature and assuring them they do, in fact, need to wear their shoes in winter!
But once we're properly bundled, out the door, and on the hunt for adventure in its many shapes and sizes, we usually end up taking a walk! My little men don't realize my ulterior motives are fresh air and exercise but they absolutely know we have the best adventures outside. Starting small ('Boys, please grab your coats!') and using my words wisely ('Let's go find an adventure!') can make a significant difference in the motivation of tiny humans and, as it turns out, grown ups, as well!

I don't set resolutions anymore. At least, not the grandiose 'New Years' kind. There's nothing wrong with these, of course, and if that happens to be your motivational style then please keep on keeping on!! But I, personally, refuse to declare, 'Well, because it's the first day of January, I now resolve to keep my house spotless, start growing and canning all my own vegetables, work out every day without fail, make seven new friends this year, run my own in-home business, and (feel free to fill in the blank with any/all of your own lofty ambitions..)'
I've learned from past experience and a few free personality tests, that this is simply not realistic for me. I will eventually burn out, drop the ball and then become discouraged. Plus, I've come to terms with the fact that my introverted self may need an entire lifetime to find and develop genuine friendship with even just a few people!
It's not that I don't believe myself to be capable of achieving every single one of my goals.. eventually! But I'm learning to give myself grace as I grow and learn, take each moment as it comes, and not set myself up for failure by signing up for a marathon if I know my body is only ready for a 5K. I'm realizing the value to starting 'small' and growing daily in diligence and intentionality.
Diligence: 'careful and persistent work or effort.'
Intentionality: 'the fact of being deliberate or purposive. ' (and purposive: 'having, serving, or done with a purpose.')

'Your behavior is a reflection of what you truly believe' -Hyrum W. Smith

I don't make resolutions for the new year but I DO set small goals for my days, weeks, etc. They may not look very glorious on paper, but I've found that, in my life, the key is to start small and use the right verb-age, not unlike those 'adventure' walks with my young warriors. I don't tell the boys I'm ready to go walk a mile or two, because they don't usually think they're up for that! But if we're simply on a mission to find the perfect puddle, or in search of acorns for ammunition, or the right length of jousting spear, they are always up for an adventure!
Along those same lines, when I want to reduce the amount of 'stuff' in my home, I start with my closet instead of attempting to purge the entire house in one day. When I'm overwhelmed with the state of disarray in a certain room, I start by making the bed or cleaning off the counter (vs. burning it all down!) Start small, my friends! This is huge! If I want to be less distracted, I need to choose a sustainable place to start (logging off of Facebook) instead of something drastic that I'll quickly regret and/or undo, like getting rid of my phone completely or fantasizing about living in a time period where people couldn't even fathom bringing a telephone to the dinner table.

Instead of despairing over the extra long list of resolutions you wrote for this year, be encouraged by the fact that you can start fresh today and you can start with one thing. Right now is the best possible time to begin implementing a small change into our lives, and those small changes will stack like bricks to create the foundation of a life lived on purpose! Then we do these small things again tomorrow, and the next day, and the next, until we can't remember not doing it that way; not making the bed every morning or washing our face before bed or spending even just 10 minutes out in the fresh air!
God doesn't require that we read 'x' amount of His word each year. But I'm finding that the deeper we dig into His word, the more we come to know Him and that is when we will understand His will and then, as a result, want to dig deeper! So, you can commit to read through the Bible in a year but what matters more than that accomplishment is our simply choosing to read a chapter of the Bible every day and allowing the Holy Spirit to change us from the inside out. Shoot, start with a few verses if that's all you 'have time' for, but don't stop there- that is key. When we go walking we put on our coats, we go outside, we start searching for sticks, or eagles, or wild blackberries, and then we go walking! Dressing properly for the weather is where we must start but it would be silly to stop there.
Romans 12:2 'Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is- his good, pleasing and perfect will.'

Dear Readers, let's start small. May we be encouraging to ourselves and whoever is journeying alongside us. And let's work with diligence and intentionality to turn these small starts into habits that can change the way we live. I recently read some of Charlotte Mason's writings on the development of habits in young children and how vital this is to the formation of their character. 'Every day, every hour, the parents are either passively or actively forming those habits in their children upon which, more than anything else, future character and conduct depend.' Charlotte Mason
I'm not sure about you, but I find that massively inspiring and secretly terrifying. Such power we hold! What are our actions, words, and priorities teaching our kids about life? The things we allow and encourage in our homes, the behavior we insist upon (or let slide) will become habits for them. Even if you don't have tiny humans watching your every move, you must still consider your sphere of influence, and our very lives! 'Every day, every hour' habits are being formed and those habits shape lives- lives that could change the world. I pray that this thought would sink deep in to each and every one of us; that we would truly understand why starting small, right now, is a really big deal.

'It's not what we do every now and then- but what we do every day that changes everything.' 

Ann Voskamp

Battle Cry.

He said it as we waited in that long, snaking line of traffic headed towards the National Harbor. The sun had already dipped below the horizon but we were anticipating the splendor of fireworks against the black, night sky and we could glimpse the brightness of twinkling, Christmas lights in grand display.
"You know what I say at night when I'm starting to feel scared, Mom?"
'What's that, Buddy?' I asked.
My five year old responded, "I say, 'Immanuel'. That means God with us."
I told him I loved that idea; we talked about how he feels peace after he talks with Jesus and how he remembers that Immanuel is right there with him in the midst of darkest night. And then the conversation moved on, rather seamlessly, to hot chocolate with extra marshmallows. But I was quiet in the front seat, treasuring our conversation in all its profound simplicity. I'm still pondering this knowledge my son is beginning to know deep within- God with us.

Thankfully, our boys have never really dealt with nightmares. But we have had to battle other fears that try to grab hold of their minds. For a few weeks this past summer, Owen struggled with being apart from us- even just being in a different room of the house than I was. He absolutely needed to know where his Dad or I were at all times, and that made bed time especially difficult. Some nights it would take him over an hour to fall asleep and he would keep calling out, 'Are you doing dishes, Mom?' or 'Are you still working in your office, Dad?'
We started praying 'warrior prayers' with him and talking about his mind as a precious treasure that both good and evil want to stake their claim on. Fear is the Devil's strategy and we choose whether or not to listen to his lies or fight back with all our strength and the Holy Spirit's help. This 'battle talk' made sense to our young warrior and he grabbed on to the fact that he could DO something about this problem and even fight back. Owen knew we would never leave home without him, but as soon as we would head into another room, that thought would rise up. Recognizing it as a lie started to make a difference.
2 Corinthians 10:3-5 became our battle cry, 'For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.'

For weeks we talked about Jesus being the Peace that literally stands guard over our hearts and minds and both boys loved imagining the epic battles being fought at all times (with extra large, flaming swords, of course!) for TRUTH! Before falling asleep at night Owen would say, 'Read the verses, Mom!' and then we would pray hard, as warriors, for victory in this battle. Most nights I would return to his room after he fell asleep and continue to pray against that fear.
Owen is not afraid anymore. Of course, he still battles with fears. But he is not irrationally afraid in ways that make him panic. He's always had a 'need to know', but I believe that's a first born tendency. He plays happily in the backyard again, even if I'm only watching from the window, and he falls asleep contentedly every night. I'm sure there will be other battles down the road, but this one has been won! And now that we have passed through that type of fear, God with us carries significantly more weight for both him and I! Light seems much brighter after you've walked through the dark.
Isaiah 41:10 So do not fear; for I am with you..

I started typing this up a few days before Christmas. But, of course, life happened and we went on a trip to CO. and here I am posting it a week into the new year. I think it's rather fitting, though, because the birth of Jesus into our messy, dark, and broken world should be celebrated and proclaimed every day of the year! No matter what we're facing; the darkness we have walked through, or pain we may be feeling, the Light of the world came down to us and because of that we can have hope!
Matthew 1:21-23 'She will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus, because he will save his people from their sins.' All this took place to fulfill what the Lord had said through the prophet: "The virgin will conceive and give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel' (which means 'God with us')."
Immanuel bridged the gap and became the way for each of us to access Truth that can light up the darkest night and Peace that crushes all fear! Hope came as a baby, born in a stable, which means He can enter right into the midst of our hard and ugly, too. He was laid in a manger, which means nothing surprises him! And He was welcomed by travel-weary, first time parents and shepherds straight from the hillside, which means he doesn't need us to clean up our act first, he just wants us to come.

The lights at the Harbor that night were incredible, and it was because the night was pitch black. Isn't that's how it always works, though, with the drastic contrast? We don't even know to long for peace until we've endured a season of turmoil. The comfort of friendship can bring us to tears only after knowing what it is to be completely alone. And into a world where fear and chaos appear to be running rampant, Immanuel comes down; the contrast is startling and Satan trembles.
The enemy of our souls knows that there is an end in sight. But until that glorious day comes, Satan will do his very best to drag us down into darkness with him; robbing us of joy, peace, and hope. We can choose to fight back, though- just ask Owen! We can take thoughts captive, by the power of God's Spirit, learning to see through those masquerading lies. Jesus is with us and He fights for us. While we may have to do battle every single day we are on this earth, we can know the war has already been won. In John 16:33 Jesus says, "I have told you these things, so that in me you have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." May Immanuel be our battle cry every day of the year because 'God with us' makes all the difference!

Glory to the light of the world

For all who wait

For all who hunger

For all who've prayed

For all who wonder

Behold your King

Behold Messiah

Emmanuel, Emmanuel

-Lauren Daigle

Count it as JOY?!

The burrito was perfectly prepared and ready to be heated when I realized that I had, indeed, compiled my masterpiece on TOP of the clear, ziploc burrito bag rather than an actual tortilla. At this point I had a decision to make; cry or laugh! This may strike you as ridiculous, but it had already been one of THOSE mornings and tears hovered not far from the surface. I had to admit, though, it was pretty funny. So I laughed!
Then I proceeded to scrape everything off the bag, rather unceremoniously, smearing it all onto the real-deal tortilla while calling the boys in for lunch. This was a few weeks ago, but I can not stop thinking about that episode in the kitchen! Aren't some days (or weeks, or entire seasons) just exactly like my big mess of burrito ingredients plopped in precisely the wrong place? Maybe the analogy is far too simple, but the choice remains: can we choose joy when things have not gone at all as anticipated?

Crying genes run strong in the females of my family. (Just ask my Mom about the first time we made her watch Shrek. Many tears were involved!) And my journey continues to resemble a roller coaster ride as we transition and move and face unexpected ups and downs. Suffice it to say, my tear ducts have certainly been kept clog-free the past few years! But I have also laughed a lot and it is true what is said about laughter being the best medicine.
Now, obviously, there are situations that truly warrant tears. There are also times where you must choose to press on but there is nothing laughable about circumstances which may truly be horrific or heart breaking. I completely understand and I am not making light of those hardships! In real-life scenarios that involve relationships and enormous difficulties, not just a refried bean 'disaster', the decision may change from one of choosing laughter to that of choosing perseverance. That word seems to be following me around the past few weeks. (I'm actually hoping that the writing of this post will help me fully grasp the lesson I need to learn so I can stop seeing that word pop up, literally, on every page I turn!)

'Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.' James 1:2-4
I've been digging deeper into this command found in James; these instructions to 'consider it pure joy..' Because, honestly, it's easy to wonder how 'pure joy' belongs in the same sentence as 'facing trials of many kinds'? But joy and happiness are not synonymous; I do not believe we are to conjure up fake feelings when life is hard. This joy command goes much deeper; it is a 'big picture' concept. I stumbled across this explanation at BibleRef.com, 'The word "count" is used in some translations instead of "consider". This is an accounting term.. James is implying that we should enter our hardships as deposits into the checkbook of our life, not withdrawals.'
Deposits not withdrawals; the choice is ours to make! Wow. We all ride the roller coaster of life, often overwhelmed by our ever changing circumstances or the hardships which tend to take us completely by surprise. And while we may not have any say over some of the trials we must face, we DO get to choose our reaction. And even beyond a reaction, because sometimes tears or frustration are inevitable, we can decide how to 'count' that trial as we tally up our life.

The description at BibleRef goes on to say, 'we can decide how we will describe any moment to ourselves... how we think about our circumstances.' And those thoughts will undoubtedly fuel the fire within us, whether that is our resolve to persevere OR a belief that our struggles are too much or our failures too great- whatever lie the Enemy may have already begun whispering in our ear. But James says that when we conquer that mental battle, choosing to speak truth over our circumstances and count them as joy, difficult as it may be, the testing of our faith will produce perseverance. Here's the definition, in case you're a word nerd like I am:

per·se·ver·ance  noun  

:steadfastness in doing something despite difficulty or delay in achieving success.

We are talking about the ability to stay the course, commitment in the midst of hardship. This is a persistence to keep trying after you've failed a time or two (or a hundred)! Will we continue to put one foot in front of the other regardless of how deeply weary or desperately lonely we may feel? Perseverance is continuing to run the race even after we realize that life is a legitimate marathon, not just a 5K!

So the question remains: how will we 'count' this season we are currently journeying through? Where do we file the details of life that are, at first glance, annoying or inconvenient or frustrating. How about the trials that have absolutely rocked our worlds? Can we count it all as pure joy, knowing that while the pain may be unspeakable, the hardships daunting, and the unknowns frustrating, they can produce in us perseverance which, if allowed to do its work, will make us mature and complete. Oh, to be complete; perfection in Christ. That is what we are running towards, my friends!
'Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.' James 1:12
Arriving at that crown, the compete maturity, and a glorious eternity with the Lover of our souls requires perseverance in the here and now! It starts with the little things; choosing to laugh over a burrito disaster, seeing beauty in the face of a clingy child, finding purpose in the endlessly mundane tasks you face each day. But your maturing ability to 'count it all joy' will grow into a mighty force to be reckoned with; a perseverance rooted deep within, built up over time as we face the trials of life and learn to count them as, yes, JOY!
'..And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.' Hebrews 12:1-2 

Son Rise!

Would you believe I almost missed the sunrise this morning? A most excellent pairing of tangerine with golden and rose hues streaking across the horizon and I came within minutes of not witnessing it! Believe it or not, sleep was not the culprit vying for my attentions this time. I was, in fact, already up. It was a very intense focus on what I was reading that kept my head down. And I was reading my Bible!
The sky, of course, had been pitch black as I made my weary way from warm, cozy bed to designated 'quiet time spot' in our living room. I began working my way through a morning routine, as though checking things off of an invisible list before the boys awoke. I'm not really sure what made me look up, but right on the other side of the window pane was stunning evidence of a rising sun over this brand new day. And it was breath taking!

I suppose I've always been perplexed by the religious leaders of Jesus' day; how they missed Him. How they were actually the ones to stir up crowds, spread false rumors, put Jesus on trial, and insist on His crucifixion. Weren't they the ones who studied scripture incessantly? In John 5:39-40 Jesus said to a few of these scholars, 'You study the Scriptures diligently because you think that in them you have eternal life. These are the very Scriptures that testify about me, yet you refuse to come to me to have life.' 
This has always struck a deep chord within me, that they studied diligently in search of life and then actually missed out on Life Himself as He walked among them! Yet, is it possible that we do this at times? Was I actually so engrossed in something so good and right and necessary this morning, the daily digging into God's Word, that I almost missed His masterpiece so briefly displayed across the horizon?! Maybe I shouldn't be so quick to judge those Pharisees. It's possible that we all have had our heads bowed down over what we thought to be absolutely necessary in that moment, only to miss what was truly life giving.
This is absolutely not an excuse to stop with the early morning quiet times, but rather an invitation to take God out of the box we are so often tempted to put Him in. For me it can look like this, 'I'm going to read my Bible, and pray, and maybe get a chapter of that new devotional in before the boys stampede me.' and anything else is considered an interruption. All the while He is whispering, 'Daughter, look up! I just painted the SKY for you!!'

There are certainly mornings to dig deep, blocking out all distractions, finding treasures in His word (and, of course, we must keep digging even on the mornings when revelation has certainly not jumped off the pages) But there are also mornings to simply look up, give thanks, and watch Him work. Maybe I can put down the list of needs I'm bringing before Him and take time to LISTEN to what He might want to bring to the discussion, as well.
The Creator is at work all around us. And He speaks in more ways than one, He longs to meet us where we are at. May we not only dig deep into His words, but keep our heads up and our eyes open to all He is doing. Watch the sun rise, literally! And watch the SON of God rise as Jesus reveals Himself in ways that may be completely unique to you and so ridiculously far out of 'the box'. I have met with Him on swing sets and in the forest and at the beach just as often as I meet with Him during my morning times of peace and quiet. May we never miss out on Him in our search to FIND Him; He's closer than we realize! 'Call to me and I will answer you, and will tell you great and hidden things that you have not known.' Jeremiah 33:3 ESV

Grandma.

I didn't cry, or even feel the need to cry, until my tiny son laid that flower upon her casket and said, 'I wuv you, Grandma!'. Then the tears came! My Grandmother is gone from this world and we miss her terribly. But my tears did not last long. How could they? Our group had moved over to a grassy, open area in the cemetery and I was suddenly surrounded by the dancing, playing, laughing and wrestling of Grandma's 33 GREAT grandchildren! Bittersweet has never seemed so applicable; we were sad and joyous at the exact same time.

Conversations of reunited family members started back up; life updates and reminiscing our favorite Grandma Dee stories. It's not that we weren't acutely aware of where we were, of the ground we stood on. But we were equally aware of the fact that Grandma Dee was NOT actually in that box which had just been lowered into the ground. Her body was, of course, but she is very much alive and well and WITH Jesus right now! Celebrating that fact is the reason that her funeral could be a time of beauty.
Seeing Grandma's legacy: her faith, her love, bits and pieces of who she was, reflected in the lives of children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren, was incredible. My Grandma lived well. She trusted Jesus as her Savior and shared the good news of His grace everywhere she went. She was faithful in the little things and this created a ripple effect that will not stop.

So, of course, this has me pondering life and legacy and what will be remembered of me when I am gone. I am all about the grand adventures, you readers know that. But we didn't really talk about any of Grandma's travels this past weekend. In fact, I bet no one even used the word 'epic'! What we did remember was her prayers for each and every one of us, her singing, her laughter, and her scalloped potatoes with ham. We remembered her presence, intentionality, and joy. And I know the words that WERE used about her immediately upon her leaving this life and entering the next were, 'Well done, my good and faithful servant. Welcome home!'

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Hebrews 12:1-2

Memory Lane

'Honestly, if you had told me a year ago that we would be living in Virginia this year- I would have laughed out loud.' I said this to my husband last weekend as we marveled over the fact that he is now hard at work as an insurance adjuster on the east coast and we spend our free time splashing in the Potomac River. Who would've thought?
Beyond the fact that we'd never imagined ourselves on this coast, there's the sobering reality that last year at this time I didn't even know if/how I would celebrate my 27th birthday! We had yet to discover the reason behind my rapidly declining health and mobility; scary, life-altering possibilities were still being debated over and tested for.

Wrapping up 'birthday week' over here; I was able to uphold my tradition of celebrating much longer than necessary! And even before the festivities began, I had already received one of the greatest gifts this side of Heaven. This summer I have been able to RUN after my boys, scoop them up in my arms and tickle their little ribs! I am healthy!
Last year at this time, I was using our kitchen stool as a walker. Some days every-single-step felt like an absolute impossibility. I remember standing in the shower, my entire body wracked with sobs, not knowing if my tears were brought on by pain or by the terrifying amount of unknowns pressing down on my little family.
I haven't gone down memory lane in a while and it brings me to tears to venture there now. But as I do, it is humbling to remember what that part of my journey was like. Because of memory lane, I am flooded with gratitude as I recognize the gift of TODAY and the health I am operating out of in this moment. 'O LORD my God, you have performed many wonders for us. Your plans for us are too numerous to list. You have no equal. If I tried to recite all your wonderful deeds, I would never come to the end of them.' Psalm 40:5

Derek and I wandered farther down memory lane. We were astonished not only by the crazy turns our life has taken but by the ridiculous, astonishing grace and faithfulness of our Heavenly Father throughout each chapter.
I just turned 27 which means 10 years ago right now I was a 17 year old simply wanting to live my best summer yet. I had no idea that Derek Pearl was about to move back to our tiny mountain town and right into my heart. If you had told me that a year later I would be packing my bags for a Bible school in Australia WITH said heart stealer, Derek Pearl, I would definitely have laughed! Our time living in another country, digging deep into the teachings of Jesus and all the experiences that came with it, were foundational in so many ways. If you had mentioned how, the year after that, I'd be planning our wedding, well, I might actually have passed out.
If someone had told us, one year into marriage, that we would soon be turning our back on the 'American Dream', purchasing one way tickets to Hawaii and taking up residence in an abandoned orchid greenhouse, we would have guffawed! (I love that word!) We spent our second and third years of marriage running a coffee farm, living completely by faith, starting a landscaping business, and experiencing life in ways some people never will. These were years of extremely hard work and very little income and yet the memories remain some of our absolute favorites.
If you had told us, elbows deep in the coffee cherries from our second harvest and preparing for the birth of our first son, that doors of ridiculous housing opportunity would begin opening, I would have cried tears of joy.  We spent our last two years of 'island life' in various care-taking positions and I'm actually sure I did cry happy tears a few times as we moved from one incredible home to the next. God orchestrated every single detail of the way! This chapter of our life was an absolute impossibility apart from the One who takes pleasure in accomplishing His purposes through unbelievable methods.

When we moved back to Colorado from Hawaii in 2015, we had no idea we would start our own business, purchase land, begin construction on our first home, and experience a deeper, truer growth in our faith than ever before. There is no anticipating these things! We brought our second son home to the tiny, mountain town where we both grew up. We cheered our toddler on as he ran the same bases Derek used to play T-ball on! And my battle with Reactive Arthritis would have looked drastically different without the invaluable help of family and friends, as well as connections to doctors and health insurance that we wouldn't have otherwise had. While it may not always seem like it in the moment, God's timing truly is perfect, and I've got a memory lane rich with proof.

Now, here we are in Virginia! We don't know what all will come of this time but I have no doubt we will look back on 2018 in years to come and say things like, 'If you had told us THEN that we would be doing THIS now, we would have laughed!' or 'Wow, look how God orchestrated every single detail of that time in our life!' (I've already said that a few times and we're only half way through the year!)
The point is that we should never underestimate what God is up to. Every season of my life has had incredible challenges intertwined with unbelievable beauty and I believe it ALL has eternal significance. I pray that Derek and I will teach our boys by example, looking back on our lives, seeing evidence of God in every day and giving thanks for all He has brought us to and through. Psalm 145:4 'One generation shall commend your works to another, and shall declare your mighty acts.'

I recently read 'Hinds' Feet On High Places', an incredible allegorical novel by Hannah Hurnard. This book helped to open my eyes to massive amounts of 'behind the scenes' work going on at all times in each of our lives. God equips us with strength, joy, and peace for the journey. But His purposes also intermingle with sorrow, pain, and hardship in ways we may never comprehend, and this is of the utmost significance.
At one point, the young woman in the story, Much-Afraid, comes across a single golden flower growing in spite of it's seemingly impossible location in the desert. This flower's name is Acceptance-with-Joy and that idea of perseverance, and complete trust in the Shepherd even when life takes unexpected turns, is what I long for my life to reflect. I am also journeying to the High Places, following the Shepherd, and doing battle with Fear and Pride. The chapters of my story have had countless ups and downs, but the fact remains, they are all PART of the story and orchestrated by an all-knowing Father who loves me fiercely. May I accept each part of the journey with JOY, refusing to let any desert sands keep me from blossoming into who Jesus is making me into.

Jesus is at work in us at this very moment in preparation for all that is to come. He has been at work in us all along and the same is true of your lives. Like Paul said, '..being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.' Philippians 1:6 May we refuse to underestimate where we are now, because it is part of the journey. And may we intentionally reflect on how far we have come, that we might give glory to the God who orchestrates it all, brings beauty from pain, and grows flowers in the middle of the desert!

In the middle of the night, 

I look up to the sky 

I can hear You

Singing over me

Through the fire and the flood

I know that I am loved

I can hear You

Singing over me

-Urban Rescue