Transitioning is a hard place to be; the in-between, the unknown, the waiting before the doing. Quite frankly, it's my least favorite place to be. I long to be 'there', wherever that may be. I need to know, I want to DO. And it is in these hallways of life, not knowing which door to choose or if any of them will actually open, that my faith can be called into question. Is it strong enough to withstand? Will I have enough of it to keep hoping, keep believing?
But Jesus told His disciples, "If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." Matthew 17:20 And that resonates within me as I'm here feeling oh-so-small. A grain of mustard seed is usually 1-2 millimeters in size: minuscule! But Jesus says He can work with the smallest of small and goes so far as to say they can be mountain movers. I can be a mountain mover. "Nothing will be impossible for you."
So, yes, this is cause for head held a bit higher in whichever of life's 'hallways' I'm currently biding time in. But, let's be honest, the waiting continues and it's still not enjoyable and I desperately need wisdom. The decisions can be daunting and the ramifications far reaching and does anyone else want to come over and be the adult right about now?! But God promises to give wisdom to those who are lacking in that department, ahem.. ME! 'If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.' James 1:5
And so I cling to that verse and I request said wisdom. I ask every single morning, in my rocking chair on the front porch, and I ask at noon time and I ask in all the in-between places and in the quiet of the night as I wait for sleep to take over. I wait for that lightbulb to click on and the path to become crystal clear! But as I spoke to my parents a few weeks ago, I realized that not only does the first part of that verse apply to me, but the second part, too. 'But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind.' James 1:6 With tears in my eyes, I confessed my doubt and the fact that I am that wave and I'm being tossed ALL OVER this sea of unknowns.
Thankfully, my Dad was quick to remind me that Jesus doesn't give up on doubters and he pointed me to the story of Peter in Matthew 14.
Jesus has just given the disciples the scare of the century by WALKING to them across the water, in the midst of a vicious storm. Once they realize it is Him, however, Peter takes it to the next level. Always the eager one, the go-getter, he calls out "Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water." And Jesus says, "Come." So Peter hops out of the boat! And at first, it works! 'Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus.' PETER WALKS ON THE WATER!! Unreal.
'But when he saw the wind, he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, "Lord, save me." Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him, saying to him, "O you of little faith, why did you doubt?" [from Matthew 14:28-31]
I notice a few things here. Obviously, the sweet sweet fact that 'Jesus immediately reached out His hand'! As soon as Peter cries out for help, Jesus responds, Jesus rescues. He doesn't mess with him, He doesn't let him flounder a little just to prove a point. He is THERE and He saves immediately, even though Peter is a doubter. I let the wind and waves draw my attention off the Savior and I, too, begin to sink and it is scary! But there is redemption. There is grace. He WILL reach out His hand and pull me back to the surface. *Insert giant sigh of relief.*
But Jesus does ask why Peter doubted. There is abundant grace but Jesus will always speak the truth and Peter is not off the hook. I am not off the hook. He calls him 'you of little faith' and Peter will have to process this and come to terms with it. But two chapters later we find Jesus calling out the good in him, 'And I tell you that you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of Hades will not overcome it.' Matthew 16:18 He had little faith, he let the waves suck him down AND YET Jesus says He will build His church on this man. Jesus saw a mountain moving mustard seed in him. And He sees that in you and I, too!
And the lyrics of Hillsong United's song, Oceans, keeps trickling through my brain and turning up on my Pandora stations...
My friend texted me a few days ago, saying that she felt she was supposed to send me these verses: Matthew 14:27-32 She wasn't sure why or how they could apply to my life, but she was obedient. Little did she realize these were the exact verses that have been on my mind all week. She was being used to remind me of Peter's venturing out onto the water, the pull of the waves and the strong, steady hand of Jesus. God was telling me to take this seriously; to not write off this hallway waiting period and to stop doubting the amount of faith He has already placed within me. The time will come to act, to move, and I must be ready.
And so I lift my eyes up. I take my attention off the waves, off the unknowns and the restless pull of my heart, and I look to Jesus. He is right here next to me in this hallway of life.. and in the same way that He offered the opportunity to Peter, so he calls to me, 'Come.' And I realize that my faith, mustard seed that it is, is all that is required to step out of the boat. I too can walk on water when the Savior is in front of me! And as I draw near to Him my faith can increase as my fears decrease. It doesn't say Jesus carries Peter back to the boat which leads me to believe that they walked back together; step by step across those rolling waves. 'And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down.' Matthew 14:32
Please check out this song that I referenced.. Hillsong United: Oceans <---- Seriously, it's incredible!
But Jesus told His disciples, "If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." Matthew 17:20 And that resonates within me as I'm here feeling oh-so-small. A grain of mustard seed is usually 1-2 millimeters in size: minuscule! But Jesus says He can work with the smallest of small and goes so far as to say they can be mountain movers. I can be a mountain mover. "Nothing will be impossible for you."
And so I cling to that verse and I request said wisdom. I ask every single morning, in my rocking chair on the front porch, and I ask at noon time and I ask in all the in-between places and in the quiet of the night as I wait for sleep to take over. I wait for that lightbulb to click on and the path to become crystal clear! But as I spoke to my parents a few weeks ago, I realized that not only does the first part of that verse apply to me, but the second part, too. 'But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind.' James 1:6 With tears in my eyes, I confessed my doubt and the fact that I am that wave and I'm being tossed ALL OVER this sea of unknowns.
Jesus has just given the disciples the scare of the century by WALKING to them across the water, in the midst of a vicious storm. Once they realize it is Him, however, Peter takes it to the next level. Always the eager one, the go-getter, he calls out "Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water." And Jesus says, "Come." So Peter hops out of the boat! And at first, it works! 'Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus.' PETER WALKS ON THE WATER!! Unreal.
'But when he saw the wind, he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, "Lord, save me." Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him, saying to him, "O you of little faith, why did you doubt?" [from Matthew 14:28-31]
But Jesus does ask why Peter doubted. There is abundant grace but Jesus will always speak the truth and Peter is not off the hook. I am not off the hook. He calls him 'you of little faith' and Peter will have to process this and come to terms with it. But two chapters later we find Jesus calling out the good in him, 'And I tell you that you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of Hades will not overcome it.' Matthew 16:18 He had little faith, he let the waves suck him down AND YET Jesus says He will build His church on this man. Jesus saw a mountain moving mustard seed in him. And He sees that in you and I, too!
You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand
And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine
...
My friend texted me a few days ago, saying that she felt she was supposed to send me these verses: Matthew 14:27-32 She wasn't sure why or how they could apply to my life, but she was obedient. Little did she realize these were the exact verses that have been on my mind all week. She was being used to remind me of Peter's venturing out onto the water, the pull of the waves and the strong, steady hand of Jesus. God was telling me to take this seriously; to not write off this hallway waiting period and to stop doubting the amount of faith He has already placed within me. The time will come to act, to move, and I must be ready.
Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed and You won't start now
So I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine
...
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior
...
We will all face difficult decisions, we will each spend time in the in-between. There are mountains towering over each of us and we will find cause to doubt. But Jesus can and will use us and our mustard seed of faith. He will work in us, He will lead us through to the other side and, believe it or not, we can walk on water. We can move mountains as soon as we stop doubting that it's possible! Joshua 1:9 'Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.'
Dear Dear Bethel.
ReplyDeleteThe BEAUTIFUL PICTURES in this blog tell another story besides the one you wrote. The pictures of Owen and his little friend tell me that Owen is not worried one single bit about the future. He is living moment by moment, living in the moment and loving life even though it is full of uncertainties. Why does life have to get so serious and complicated for us as we become adults? Thank goodness for the children in our lives who help us laugh and play. Thank goodness for Jesus who gives us the gift of a child-like faith no matter what age we are. And thank goodness for all the grace and forgiveness He bought for us at the cross. Our worries and doubts are all forgiven and we get to start over fresh today. We are with you in heart and prayer knowing that God will make a way. Love always, Dad and Mom