the fragile beauty of life

Drifting off to sleep, my hand absently drifts to my stomach, its favorite resting place of late.  At first it's a bubble bursting against the surface, kissing my palm.  My hand resettles in time to feel it again and, although subtle, I knew that I knew.  Grabbing Derek's hand, I return to the source of excitement, drawn like a magnet that can't resist!  It took a few times of me saying, 'There, did you feel it?!'  But, eventually, he's in on the secret, too :)  The first 'touch' from our baby!

[Peanut & I at 18 weeks!]

Life is beautiful.  It's also incredibly fragile.  The death of our neighbor this past week was a stark reminder of just how fleeting our days are.  We watched the red and blue lights flash on the highway below us as EMTs loaded the man into an ambulance and onlookers scrambled to pull the crumpled motorcycle off the road.  We're not sure how long he hung on, but the next morning brought word that he was gone.  I don't think his little baby has stopped crying since that night; the haunting sound wafts through our windows and breaks my heart. 

Ecclesiastes 3 tells me there is a time for everything, 'a time to be born and a time to die'.  Forming within me is a brand new, vibrant life and across the street they attempt to deal with an unexpected, shocking death.  A reminder that we can NOT take our days for granted.  As I pray for our baby and all that he/she will face in this world I'm comforted by the fact that God is in charge.  God know this child; He loves him/her and has wonderful plans for their life.  In the face of a terrifying, cruel world I can rest in the truth that my God ordains our every day.  Psalm 139:16 'Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.'  I can also relish in the beauty and wonder surrounding me; looking forward to all the discovery and adventure in store for our baby.

['Peanut' got mail!! Sweet shirts from my VERY sweet friend, Ali!]

Side note:  I can not WAIT to stop saying 'him/her' or even, by accident, 'it'!  Only eight more days until we know if we'll have a wild, sword swinging little man or a sweet, princess with pig tails!  Now, how long it will be till YOU all know is another story.  We're debating keeping it a secret until our Colorado trip at the end of the month so that the gender revealing can be done in person with at least a part of our family! 

Something I'm continually becoming more aware of is how incredible my husband is.  He's dealing with a pregnant wife in all the best possible ways; helping me with dishes, bringing me flowers and going along with strange cravings and emotions as if they were (almost) perfectly normal.  I'm so thankful for him!  This week he's been doing a lot of work around the church, checking things off our care-taking list; stair painting, carpet laying, plant.. planting!  Some jobs require an extra pair of hands, and I'm happy to jump in.  Other tasks just require a supervisor or bearer of cookies and fresh-squeezed orange juice.  We've also had a few other jobs, landscaping for Derek, cleaning for me.  God is providing!

[19 oranges = 1/2 pitcher!]

Because 6 1/2 acres was just not enough pruning for us, we also headed to the 'other' farm this week for some tree trimming.  Derek was pleasantly surprised to have a chainsaw at his disposal for this round.  A break from the trusty saw did a world of good for his wrist and sped up the process significantly.  There's no tool for speeding up the tree dragging, though!  It was up to me to keep up with his chainsaw massacre of coffee trees.  After a few days of not-so-manual labor, it was refreshing to be back at it.  And I must say, even with the additional breaks for snacks, water and peeing, this slightly dramatic prego managed to keep up pretty well!
Another week, come and gone.  It goes by so fast.  Walking home from the store I passed all the flowers and memorials for our neighbor and realized, 'I have no idea how much longer I'll be alive.'  It's not morbid, just truthful.  I might live for 100 more years, or I might be gone tomorrow.  And that doesn't scare me.  Life is incredibly fragile, but I know who I am and I know where I'm going.  Every single day on this planet is a blessing and I will continue to live that way until my last day.  It is the realization that we are 'but a mist.. appearing for a little while and then vanishing'  [James 4:14] that motivates me to grab hold of every moment I'm given.  That may not always mean sky diving or a spur of the moment trip to Costa Rica, although those are some of my favorite memories.  In the day-to-day life it means stepping out of my comfort zone.  I will choose to see the beauty in people, their potential, because that's what Jesus does for ME!  I will live by faith even when it seems ridiculous to those observing.  None of this by my own strength, all by the grace of Jesus who gives me each day, each breath.  Life may be fragile but I know the Author of Life and He knows the number of hairs on my head! [Luke 12:7]  In other words, He's got it covered!