my story, my song

'This is my story, this is my song.  Praising my Savior all the day long.'  The sweetest, little 'choir' of kids sang 'Blessed Assurance' in church yesterday and their melody touched something deep inside me.  What is my story, what is my song?  Can my life truly be summed up in these few statements?  'Heir of salvation, purchase of God, born of His Spirit, washed in His blood.'  Is that what defines my existence?  When people want to know about me I tend to expound on where I've been and what I've done; emphasis on the grandest adventures and greatest achievements.  All of these are a wonderful part of my journey and have shaped who I am today; my experiences make for incredible story telling!  But at the core of the matter is a simple question- what is my song?  Or rather, Who is my song?  Something in me shifted as these beautiful, Hawaiian children belted out the lyrics.  'I in my Savior am happy and blessed, watching and waiting, looking above, filled with His goodness, lost in His love.'  My song isn't about what I've done, but what has been done for me.  The melody of my life is not even about me!  It's about Him.  'This is my story, this is my song.  Praising my Savior all the day long.' 

I am incredibly excited about being a Mom.  Like 99.99% stoked.  But, I would be lying if I didn't admit to that tiny, voice inside that whispers doubts and fears in the stillness of the night.  I feel that as I step into motherhood I'll be stepping into the rest of my life.  Don't get me wrong, I'm already head over heels for this sweet baby and I can only imagine how that love will explode once he/she is born!  I'm excited for every single 'first'.  I'm thrilled about having an excuse to do all the things I'm still secretly crazy about: kite flying, star gazing, snowflake tasting, chalk drawing and PB&J's in the shape of space ships!!  But I do wrestle with the thought of whether I'll be anything but 'Mom' from here on out.

One idea that's danced around in the back of my subconscious for many years is that of being a Massage Therapist.  I've never looked into it seriously, but the thought has always been present when I ponder the future.  So, with a baby on the way and thoughts of diaper changing, soccer practice and science experiments filling my mind, I latched onto this idea.  I found an Academy near by that offers the schooling as well as the hands-on, apprenticeship necessary and the next course starts in March!  Perfect, I was ready to sign up.  Yet, every time I prayed about it, something felt... off.  I didn't know if it was my own over analyzing or if God was actually trying to get through to me.  (Stubborn, much?!) After emailing back and forth with the instructor, she asked me to give her a call to talk out a few more details.  As the phone rang I offered up a hurried prayer, 'God, have your way with this conversation.  Your will be done!'  And then she answered and spoke exactly what I needed to hear.  

As an instructor, making her living off the people signing up for the course, I was blown away by her raw honesty.  After hearing my story she told me, in the sweetest way possible, that she didn't think this was the right time for me.  She highly recommends this occupation to mothers, as you can work your own hours, etc.  But she spoke straight to my heart saying that this baby will change our lives, it will redefine what I do and who I am.  But it is a beautiful change, an incredible redefining.  She encouraged me to embrace this time, to step into the role and count it a privilege, an extraordinary gift.  As we spoke, or rather as she spoke and I listened, an incredible peace filled me and I felt.. free.  Marvellously free!  I'm still very interested in this course and she said she'd love to talk to me down the road a bit.  But I could finally throw out this ridiculous notion that I need to rack up some kind of achievement so that I don't have to introduce myself as 'just a Mom'.  That is a lie and I don't know how I let it permeate so deeply inside me, but God met it with truth and released me to embrace this brand new season of life.  Maybe I will go to school someday, maybe I'll become an astronaut!  I might travel to Africa or write my own book!  But no matter what I do or 'who I am' my song will stay the same.. 'Praising my Savior, all the day long!'  

Derek and I had a lovely Valentine's Day.  Have I mentioned lately how much I like that husband of mine?!  After working all day, he still managed to surprise me with... no, not flowers (he brings me flowers all the time!) not chocolate (strange prego quirk: I'm not the chocoholic I used to be) but the most delicious selection of fruits!  I've been craving figs like none other and he managed to find them for me, plus dragon fruit, lilikoi and oranges.  He knows me well :)  And, his card almost made me cry.. silly progesterone overload seems to have taken my emotions bungee jumping!  But with an ever expanding baby bump it does this heart a world of good to know that my lover still finds me beautiful!  There are occasions for getting dolled up and going out on the town, but Thursday wasn't one of them.  We opted for staying home, making heart shaped homemade pizzas and reminiscing the last 4 1/2 years together.  Our journey is certainly one for the books!

Thanks to our latest church project, I can now add 'professional tile layer' to my ever expanding resume.  Granted, it's the peel and stick kind.  No grouting required.  And Derek made most of the tricky cuts.  But, I still feel very accomplished!  That plus a few more painting/cleaning projects kept me busy throughout the week while Derek was landscaping all over South Kona!  He's a busy man these days!  But we blocked off the next two days for maintenance at the coffee farm.  Weed wacking here we come and you KNOW how excited I am :)  Actually, we haven't needed to work out there the past few weeks and it will actually be nice to get out in the fields again.  

Speaking of coffee... we officially have our first batch of finished product!  Roasted, nuggets of Kona gold that is calling to all of you coffee drinkers.  I can't even think about drinking coffee these days, but Derek says it's the real deal and we're so proud of it that all the bags are just sitting on our kitchen counter... the end result from a year's worth of work.  We're still working on an artsy label for the bags, and figuring out how to market our delicious brew, etc.  But, if you simply can't WAIT another minute to purchase some Pearl Kona Coffee we'd love to hear from you and we'll give you the low down on bag sizes, prices, shipping, etc.  My email is bethel_pearl@yahoo.com and Derek's is drkprl@gmail.com

I know another baby bump picture is in order, now that 'Peanut' and I are officially HALF way!  I'll certainly have one by next week, as well as the very exciting announcement of girl or boy!  We're heading to Colorado this week and can hardly contain our excitement after a whole year apart from family.  We know that a week will be more than enough time to be bombarded by thoughts of moving closer to the people we love.  There will also be plenty of talk about Derek's job offer out there.  Who knows.. maybe that is what God has next for us.  We still don't know, but we're staying surrendered and holding this life with open hands.  Wherever we go, whatever we do: we know our story, our song.  We're 'looking above, lost in His love' and that is what defines us.  'Praising our Savior, all the day long.'