learning to refuel..

A friend recently told me 'babies have a tendency to minimize everything else in your life!'  I'm beginning to realize the truth of that statement.  We've had 18 wonderfully exhausting days with our tiny son, Owen.  I can't imagine life without this little man.  The sweet smell of his hair is my new favorite scent.  I work so hard to get him to fall asleep only to immediately start wishing he would wake up again!  His hand wrapped tightly around my finger is enough to take my breath away.  And the 'mother bear' instincts welling up within me at the thought of anything or anyone ever hurting him are almost frightening in their intensity!

Productivity is at an all time low on the home front, but I'm beginning to embrace an entirely new definition of that word!  Cleaning can wait.  Laundry can be moved to the back burner.. at least, until we run out of clothes.  Owen takes priority.  And what a sweet priority he is!  Each day we discover a love stronger than what we'd felt for him the day before.  Even after an almost sleep-less night, one look at his tiny face makes it all worth it.  
Being peed on is now a regular occurrence.  Projectile poop is no longer just the material of horror stories; we've been there, handled that!  (Although, I didn't realize the poop was streaked all the way down the wall until the next day, making for a little extra scrubbing.)  This baby makes us laugh; his grunts and squeaks translate as entire conversations in our minds.  We had no idea that baby watching would become a favorite form of entertainment.  Who needs TV when you've got a newborn?

[Owen's visitors!!]

Derek was able to stay home with us for our first day out of the hospital but then he headed back to work.  I'm so thankful for a hard working husband.  Owen and I can't wait for him to get home each afternoon, though.  Our wonderful church family took turns popping in to meet Owen, bringing delicious meals and finding out for themselves whether the 'four hour labor' story was rumor or truth.  The love that these people continually pour out on us is incredibly humbling; they will never truly know the difference that their support has made in our lives.
We had a week and a half as 'just us'.  We needed that time on our own to begin figuring out this new dimension of our family.  But right when our list of 'is this normal' questions was maxed out and we were resorting to cheerios for dinner.. back up arrived in the wonderful form of Grandma DeDe!  The timing couldn't have been more perfect.  Five kids, eleven foster babies and ten grandchildren certainly qualify her for putting our fears at ease.  Her knowledge and experience is truly invaluable but, way beyond that, it's just amazing to have my Mom here.  (And she still makes the best mac&cheese in the WORLD!)

[attempting to be productive..]

In the craziness of welcoming our son into the world, a very special date snuck up on us.. our THIRD wedding anniversary!!  We knew that there may not be opportunity for a candle light dinner on the actual day.. and as far as any extreme forms of celebrating- well, I need a little more recovery time before going scuba diving or jumping out of an airplane.  We did indulge in our favorite cheeseburgers, complete with onion rings, though.  And we've formulated plans to milk the occasion for several weeks :)
What we've realized over the years (I say that like this is our 50th!) is that it's not about fancy gifts or expensive dinners.  Yes, our anniversary IS a special occasion.. and waking up to a fresh cut rose DID make my whole day, but our love should be celebrated throughout the whole year.  The expensive or fancy are not what strengthen a relationship but rather the 'little things' done on a regular basis.  Derek shows me his love in countless ways every day; a lunch box full of mangos, a massage although he's the one that worked all day, or a sticky note on my mirror.  The last three years have been incredible and I can't wait to see what God has in store for year four.  I'm so blessed to be married to my best friend!

[love this little family!]

If I told you that I was precariously close to running out of gas you would tell me to visit the nearest gas station.  And if I responded that I simply couldn't spare the time, you would undoubtedly call me crazy and expect to see my car stranded on the side of the road.  Simple enough.  Yet, what about my spiritual gas tank?  I must admit, after week one of life with Owen I was running on empty.  The days were blurring together and I simply didn't have a lot of 'opportunity' for studying my Bible.  Soaking in the presence of my God seemed like a thing of the past; I justified it by reasoning that God gave me this baby, surely He realizes I don't have the free time I used to.  

Then I opened up my devotion book, 'Jesus Calling', and the words spoke straight to my soul, 'Many people turn away from Me when they are exhausted.'  Uh oh..  The verse for that day was Isaiah 30:15 (AMP)  'In returning to me and resting in me you shall be saved; in quietness and trust shall be your strength.'  Wake up call.  How can I possibly expect to get refuelled if I won't take the time to return to the source of fuel!?  Of course Jesus knows exactly what my days include.  He's not counting the number of chapters I read or the amount of minutes spent in prayer.  But He longs for me to press into Him, to allow Him to be my strength!  He's calling to me, 'Daughter, rest in me! Quiet yourself for even just a few minutes.  Trust me with your day.  Let me save you.  I will fill you and equip you with exactly what is needed for the next day, the next moment!'  

[just look at that FACE!!]

Running out of gas is a rookie mistake but it happens to the best of us.  The thing is, most people aren't quick to forget that three mile trek to the nearest gas station.  The next time that empty light blinks on they are quick to refuel.  Trying to live life on my own strength left me stranded on the side of the road.  Thankfully, Jesus doesn't ever give up on me.  It may take three different sittings to read through that one chapter but that is the fuel that will keep me going.  My prayers may float up to heaven in fragmented bits as I wake up throughout the night to feed Owen but Jesus is more than capable of piecing them together.  I'm learning to refuel in any and every way I can; trusting Jesus to be my strength for each moment of this brand new chapter.