What is this?!

Two weeks ago we hugged our favorites one last time and boarded a plane, leaving behind tropical paradise and life as we know it. Upon arrival in Los Angeles, Owen expressed the overwhelming emotion we were all wrestling with by asking, 'What is this place??' While not contiguous, the Big Island is, indeed, part of the United States. And yet nothing makes the differences between here and there seem quite so stark as the navigation of traffic in downtown LA. Thank goodness, that was not our final destination.

We have been 'vacationing' in Central California for 14 wonderful days. In the midst of transition and change and goodbyes that made our hearts hurt, God knew that we were in desperate need of rest and relaxation. Hugging my Mom and Dad was high on the 'really really want' list. But needing to wait in CA. until our truck arrived actually made this time mandatory and an absolute balm for my weary heart. Berry picking, bike riding, the best sleep we've had in months, a surprise Baby shower, marshmallows around the bonfire.. it's been bliss.

Watching Owen bond with his grandparents and wreak havoc with his cousins has been priceless. (He thought 'cousins' was a single person until they all walked in the door and I don't think he's stopped playing and laughing since that moment..) In the midst of chaos, I've been blessed with a pedicure date with my Mom, exploration of the magical place that is my parent's backyard and deeper digging into Bible questions with my favorite scholar, Dad! Derek was able to go surfing with my brother and golfing with the cousins. The only moment of displeasure was when Owen had to put on a pair of jeans -for the first time in his entire life! He proceeded to walk around bowlegged, as if there was spikes in them, begging for answers: 'Mom, what IS this?!'

There are numerous unknowns and variables in our life right now and on many different levels our only option is to take it one day at a time. Our truck was supposed to arrive two days ago but, alas, it did not and we have had two extra days of vacation! I would like to map out all the details of our road trip to Colorado but it's hard to do that without knowing when we will begin the drive. I would love to set up an appointment with an OB on the other end but that depends largely on when we arrive. Etc. etc. etc.
Our sweet son often voices the very questions that Derek and I are wrestling with. What is happening, where are we going and why is everything different? We are confident that God is leading us forward into a new chapter and He has already worked out so many of the details in miraculous ways. But that doesn't mean we don't have our moments of wondering, 'What is this?!?' And I am reminded of other curious wanderers who asked these same questions.. Exodus 16:15 'When the Israelites saw it, they said to each other, "What is it?" For they did not know what it was. Moses said to them, "It is the bread the LORD has given you to eat.'

The Israelites were hungry and so God provided food. Beautiful simplicity. They weren't ready for the whole plan and they certainly weren't prepared to conquer the Promised Land. God says something along the lines of, 'Chill out. Let's deal with breakfast first.' They could only gather what they needed for the day in front of them, any extra would spoil before they woke up the next morning. [Exodus 16:4] God is offering 'manna' to us as well but sometimes we fail to recognize it for the heavenly bread that it is. My desperate need for a plan can be cause for missing the beauty in Him simply asking me to walk forward one step at a time while He goes before me making a way. Jesus is saying 'Here's the bread you need for today, daughter, enjoy it! We'll deal with tomorrow when it arrives!'

And so we continue to hold our hands open and trust the Orchestrator of this crazy, ridiculous, wonderful, exciting journey! Nothing that we have is truly ours anyway. Paul says to the Corinthian church, 'What do you have that you did not receive? And if you did receive it, why do you boast as though you did not?' 1 Corinthians 4:7 It's all from Him and it's all for Him. He knew exactly how much time we needed here in California. And now as we prepare to embark on an epic road trip, I have no doubt that He is already at work on our behalf! What a gracious Father we have! Instead of asking 'What is it?!' I will bend down to gather these sweet, crunchy flakes of manna; 'the bread the LORD has given you to eat'. And while looking forward to all that is to come, I will focus on giving thanks for the heavenly bread I have been given for today.

Doors.

They tell us that when one door closes another will open. Simple, right? Well, I've learned a few things about 'doors' in the past few months and let me tell you, my friend, it is anything but simplicity. A few details 'they' forgot to mention about said doors:
1) When a door closes it is hard. (Especially if you are running at top speed towards it, fully expecting it to swing wide and end up running face first into that very well constructed and definitely-still-closed door. Ice pack, anyone?)
2) When one door closes you might have to wait awhile for another to open. And that in between part... yep, it might be extremely hard.
3) When the next door does, indeed, open... you may not realize it. Or you may be in denial! Either way, it won't necessarily have butterflies and rainbows shooting out of it. Walking through that open door may also be, you guessed it, hard.

Glad I got that off my chest. See, we have been dealing with a lot of closed doors the past few months. And yes, I did receive more than one 'bloody nose' from stubbornly running straight into these doors with the assumption that they would eventually open.
Our 'Hawaii journey' has been one example of God's providence after the next. We have transitioned from one home to the next, one opportunity to the next and one miracle to the next, with an unbelievable amount of ease. It has been so obvious that this is where God wants us and that He is making a way. He is our provider; He is Jehovah Jireh.
But in the past few months God started revealing something new to us. Of course, we didn't realize it at first. Doors started closing on this end and we took it in stride, confident that He would open a new one. Then they kept closing and, with no open ones in sight, we started wondering just how long we would need to spend in the in-between. (As mentioned in a previous post, it is my least favorite place to hang out!) And then, at long last, we realized the open doors for what they were and.... we chose to continue biding our time in the in-between because SURELY, God didn't actually mean for us to walk through that door??! See, I wasn't kidding about the denial part.

But enough beating around the bushes (or palm trees, in this case!) Our Hawaii journey is coming to an end, my friends. No more living vicariously through my tropical pictures and posts! We are heading back to the mainland and a new chapter is beginning. And now that we have opened our hearts to this 'something new' we are absolutely astonished at the ways God has orchestrated the transition. This is hard, I suspect that change always is (especially when it includes leaving friendships that are absolutely irreplaceable and a group of people that have truly become our family), but it can also be excellent.
'See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.' Isaiah 43:19
One of the 'nuggets' that has stayed with me since Derek and I studied in YWAM is the 'open-hand policy'. This is the idea that if we hold tight to something, it is going to be very painful if/when God takes that thing away. If our hands are in the open position, however; palms up and fingers extended, it is so much simpler for things to be removed from our grasp. When God takes things out of our life it is usually because He is going to replace it with something else. But just like a toddler with grubby fingers wrapped tightly around an empty cup, we do not realize our Father's intentions to FILL UP THE CUP and we throw a fit. Solely focused on what is being 'taken away' we are not aware of what is about to be given to us!
Open hands, my friends. Open hands, Bethel.
'Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever! Amen.' Ephesians 3:20

C.S Lewis said, "There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind." And it is hard to fathom any experiences surpassing the wonderful 3.5 years we have spent on this island. But God has a way of exceeding expectations every time. Not only is He able to go above and beyond anything we ask of Him; Paul tells the Ephesian church (and us!) that our God is able to do 'immeasurably more' than we could ever conjure up in our wildest dreams. Our imaginations can not grasp all that He has in store!
And, of course, I believe Mr. Lewis was speaking of our eternal destination and not just the body of land we currently reside in. Derek reminded me of this as he prayed the other day, saying, 'God, we have no question of where we will spend eternity. We are simply searching for our next temporary dwelling. And we trust You completely.' This world is not our home. We are just passing through!
So this chapter comes to a close and, with open hands, we turn the first page of a brand new one! Our bags are packed and all our worldly possessions are floating in the middle of the Pacific Ocean! It's not that the next season need 'top' this last one. But rather, we acknowledge that when we trust Jesus and journey with Him, He will continually lead us forward into greater things which He has been orchestrating since the beginning of time. And yes, goodbyes on this end will be heart breaking. But having confidence in God's purposes for us on the other side (and a whole heap of family members waiting to hug us and get to know our boys!) makes for bittersweet tears as we step through the new door that God has opened.

Mountain Moving Mustard Seed

Transitioning is a hard place to be; the in-between, the unknown, the waiting before the doing. Quite frankly, it's my least favorite place to be. I long to be 'there', wherever that may be. I need to know, I want to DO. And it is in these hallways of life, not knowing which door to choose or if any of them will actually open, that my faith can be called into question. Is it strong enough to withstand? Will I have enough of it to keep hoping, keep believing?
But Jesus told His disciples, "If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." Matthew 17:20 And that resonates within me as I'm here feeling oh-so-small. A grain of mustard seed is usually 1-2 millimeters in size: minuscule! But Jesus says He can work with the smallest of small and goes so far as to say they can be mountain movers. I can be a mountain mover. "Nothing will be impossible for you."

So, yes, this is cause for head held a bit higher in whichever of life's 'hallways' I'm currently biding time in. But, let's be honest, the waiting continues and it's still not enjoyable and I desperately need wisdom. The decisions can be daunting and the ramifications far reaching and does anyone else want to come over and be the adult right about now?! But God promises to give wisdom to those who are lacking in that department, ahem.. ME! 'If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.' James 1:5
And so I cling to that verse and I request said wisdom. I ask every single morning, in my rocking chair on the front porch, and I ask at noon time and I ask in all the in-between places and in the quiet of the night as I wait for sleep to take over. I wait for that lightbulb to click on and the path to become crystal clear! But as I spoke to my parents a few weeks ago, I realized that not only does the first part of that verse apply to me, but the second part, too. 'But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind.' James 1:6 With tears in my eyes, I confessed my doubt and the fact that I am that wave and I'm being tossed ALL OVER this sea of unknowns.

Thankfully, my Dad was quick to remind me that Jesus doesn't give up on doubters and he pointed me to the story of Peter in Matthew 14. 
Jesus has just given the disciples the scare of the century by WALKING to them across the water, in the midst of a vicious storm. Once they realize it is Him, however, Peter takes it to the next level. Always the eager one, the go-getter, he calls out "Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water." And Jesus says, "Come." So Peter hops out of the boat! And at first, it works! 'Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus.' PETER WALKS ON THE WATER!! Unreal.
'But when he saw the wind, he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, "Lord, save me."  Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him, saying to him, "O you of little faith, why did you doubt?" [from Matthew 14:28-31]

I notice a few things here. Obviously, the sweet sweet fact that 'Jesus immediately reached out His hand'! As soon as Peter cries out for help, Jesus responds, Jesus rescues. He doesn't mess with him, He doesn't let him flounder a little just to prove a point. He is THERE and He saves immediately, even though Peter is a doubter. I let the wind and waves draw my attention off the Savior and I, too, begin to sink and it is scary! But there is redemption. There is grace. He WILL reach out His hand and pull me back to the surface. *Insert giant sigh of relief.*
But Jesus does ask why Peter doubted. There is abundant grace but Jesus will always speak the truth and Peter is not off the hook. I am not off the hook. He calls him 'you of little faith' and Peter will have to process this and come to terms with it. But two chapters later we find Jesus calling out the good in him, 'And I tell you that you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of Hades will not overcome it.' Matthew 16:18 He had little faith, he let the waves suck him down AND YET Jesus says He will build His church on this man. Jesus saw a mountain moving mustard seed in him. And He sees that in you and I, too!

And the lyrics of Hillsong United's song, Oceans, keeps trickling through my brain and turning up on my Pandora stations...

You call me out upon the waters

The great unknown where feet may fail

And there I find You in the mystery

In oceans deep

My faith will stand

And I will call upon Your name

And keep my eyes above the waves

When oceans rise

My soul will rest in Your embrace

For I am Yours and You are mine

...

My friend texted me a few days ago, saying that she felt she was supposed to send me these verses: Matthew 14:27-32 She wasn't sure why or how they could apply to my life, but she was obedient. Little did she realize these were the exact verses that have been on my mind all week. She was being used to remind me of Peter's venturing out onto the water, the pull of the waves and the strong, steady hand of Jesus. God was telling me to take this seriously; to not write off this hallway waiting period and to stop doubting the amount of faith He has already placed within me. The time will come to act, to move, and I must be ready.

Your grace abounds in deepest waters

Your sovereign hand

Will be my guide

Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me

You've never failed and You won't start now

So I will call upon Your name

And keep my eyes above the waves

When oceans rise

My soul will rest in Your embrace

For I am Yours and You are mine

...

And so I lift my eyes up. I take my attention off the waves, off the unknowns and the restless pull of my heart, and I look to Jesus. He is right here next to me in this hallway of life.. and in the same way that He offered the opportunity to Peter, so he calls to me, 'Come.' And I realize that my faith, mustard seed that it is, is all that is required to step out of the boat. I too can walk on water when the Savior is in front of me! And as I draw near to Him my faith can increase as my fears decrease. It doesn't say Jesus carries Peter back to the boat which leads me to believe that they walked back together; step by step across those rolling waves. 'And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down.' Matthew 14:32 

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders

Let me walk upon the waters

Wherever You would call me

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander

And my faith will be made stronger

In the presence of my Savior

...

We will all face difficult decisions, we will each spend time in the in-between. There are mountains towering over each of us and we will find cause to doubt. But Jesus can and will use us and our mustard seed of faith. He will work in us, He will lead us through to the other side and, believe it or not, we can walk on water. We can move mountains as soon as we stop doubting that it's possible! Joshua 1:9 'Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.'

Please check out this song that I referenced.. Hillsong United: Oceans <---- Seriously, it's incredible!

Owen Update!

I wish I could weave every incredible moment into a blog post; cataloging each priceless minute into word form, lest I ever start to forget these days. But, 'aint nobody got time for that'... and so here I am, with a list of sweetness that I don't want to forget but no real moral of the story as far as post writing goes. Can you guys handle some rambling and rabbit trails? Because that is the essence of my life with a two year old :)
The little man is changing so fast right now. We gave him a summer haircut and it seriously aged him by three years! (Why doesn't anyone warn you about that?) When he falls he doesn't want to be immediately comforted and smothered by motherly goodness. He needs space and, while that hurts my heart a little, it truly is magnificent to watch him assess the wound and then re-assure himself that 'Owen's tough' and 'Owen's brave' before finally coming to me for a kiss and a bandaid or simply dusting himself off and resuming wild man activities.

Owen's 'happy place' is the middle spot in a giant, three-way hug with Derek and I. He wraps one arm around each of our necks and, as we squish our cheeks up to his, he says 'boff of dem' (both of them), with a grin stretching ear to ear. Other happy places include the jungle: we put on long pants and marinate in bug spray and then trek into the middle of nowhere to see what we can see and we might as well be at Disney World, there is that much excitement bubbling out of him! Also, swimming... all day, every day, in the ocean, in a pool, in a bucket, in the tub, in Kai's ice cream gallon container of water. He is a fish. And with the way he has mastered all the 'average' sea creatures and moved on to more specific and complex species (i.e jelly fish, manta rays, clown fish, convict tang) he may have a future in marine biology!
Owen's hobbies include painting, excavating, reading, cooking with Mom, 'working hard' with Dad, and perfecting the summersault! We're working on counting, abc's, colors, and warming up to the thought of a 'baby brudder' joining the family in a few months. For all his rough and tumble-ness, Owen has a tender heart and is quick to check on anyone who is hurting or sad. He also reminds me, quite regularly, to 'eat one a time, Mom.. don't choke!' (mostly in reference to mangos..) and also 'Go caffully, Mom! Don't wipe out!' What a gentleman.

In the morning Derek asks Owen what time it is and he responds, with gusto, 'Coffee time!' He has also become a fine connoisseur of hot milk and specifically instructs us in each step of the process: 'Wam it up, put shugar in and stir it UP!' We've resorted to bribery in the potty-training department and, although I'm hesitant to speak too soon, it does seem to be working! Maybe we'll be finished with diapers just in time for Baby Brudder to take over.
Needless to say, there is no shortage of laughter, lessons to be learned or messes to be cleaned up in this house. Of all the ways Owen is developing and growing, my absolute favorite, both to observe and be a part of, is his blossoming relationship with Jesus Christ. His prayers at night are priceless; thanking Jesus for all the people in his life and the things he did that day. The other night his words took me completely off guard as he prayed about the dead bird he and his Dad had found earlier. He thanked God that the bird was 'flying with Jesus now, not hurting anymore and not crying'. Little did he realize that would be enough to make ME cry! Journeying through life with a little one may be cause for much rambling and rabbit trail wandering, but it is also one of life's greatest joys and God's biggest blessings! What a wild, beautiful adventure.

A Love that doesn't add up..

Sweet Baby Boy,

The math doesn't add up. When I married your Daddy I knew that I would never love another human being like I loved him. It was 100% and I was 'all-in'. But then your big brother was born and the most unexplainable, ridiculous thing happened. I realized that, regardless of the numbers adding up or not, I could still love your Dad with all my heart and, at the same exact time, love a tiny miniature version of him with another 100% of... me! Rather than the love being divvied up, it was multiplied.

And now you are coming, sweet babe. And I can not fathom what life will be like once you arrive. I have yet to figure out how it's even possible to be a mama of two. But there is not a doubt in my mind that I already love you with all that I am. And it won't add up, but I will be 'all-in' for all of your life and I will love you with a crazy lady, mama bear, heart-walking-around-outside-my-body, kind of love. You can count on that.
You are currently the size of an ear of corn and busy developing a fine pair of lungs. Your summersaults and jabs get stronger by the day and, because this journey with you has been so incredibly 'easy', those karate kicks are my main reminder that there is truly a LIFE growing within me!

I want you to know how often I think of you and pray over every detail of your journey. This pregnancy walk has been approached different than your big brother's, simply because I don't have the same amount of time available for day-dreaming, book reading and Pinterest browsing. But I am just as giddy about the moment I will hold you in my arms for the first time; I can't wait to get to know you.
In a rare moment of sweet quiet, I sit here reading about name meanings. Your brother is absolutely the 'young warrior' that his name claims and it makes me wonder who you will be. The potential that is already wrapped up in your 8.5 inch long body is truly staggering. I thank Jesus for the privilege it is to be chosen as your Mama and the absolute joy it will be to come alongside you in your journey to be all that He is creating you to be!

I'm biased but I think you're really going to like our family. You've got the best Dad in the world and he will teach you everything you need to know about being wild, brave, free, confident, kind and true. He's already picked out your name but has yet to fully convince me :) Your big brother will, hands down, be the best adventure partner! He loves to explore and imagine and dance and laugh. He'll teach you to drink hot chocolate with 'marshfellows', jump right in the deep end of the pool and say 'scuse me' from any/all bodily functions even when you think it's hilarious. Most of all, we'll point you to Jesus, each of us in our own way, and He will continually guide you!
Like anything else in life, becoming a family of four will be a transition. But we won't be able to imagine life without you. The lessons we learn will be priceless and the adventures in store will be epic. And no, it won't add up, but our love will just keep multiplying and if that's not the best way to do life... I don't know what is!

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.  I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.  Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.  (Psalm 139:13-16)

I am Free!

The waves ripple and the wind caresses my face. Birds call out to one another, to the day; beckoning the rising of the sun. The chair beneath me rocks back and forth, back and forth, and some days there aren't many words or they simply feel repetitive, memorized. But not so with this day. Words spill forth from a deep well inside me and the Presence of One so much more powerful, mighty and awe-inspiring wraps itself around me. I am on holy ground.
'Acknowledge that the LORD is God! He made us, and we are his. We are his people, the sheep of his pasture.' [Psalm 100:3]
I can get so caught up in the happenings of my little life, my blurp of existence on this planet, that I lose sight. I forget that I was made by a Creator; that I am His. In the business of responsibilities and activities, shopping lists and deadlines, I begin to act as though I am running this show. And, inevitably, things spiral out of control and I'm left feeling a sad combination of failure, weariness, frustration or loneliness. But in the hush of this morning on the front porch, it's revealed to me once again: I am not my own.
'Don't you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.' [1 Corinthians 6:19-20] 

And with this simple reminder comes astonishing freedom. I am His and in Him, I am free. Freed from anxiety, freed from pressure, freed from status-quo and anything else that might try to hold me captive. I do not belong to these task masters, they can only rule over me if I let them. And why would I ever choose fear? Why would I choose the opinions of man over the truth spoken by my Creator? And yet I do, time and time again. Reverting to the 'old self', I allow lies of the enemy to lay claim to my thoughts, my emotions, my life.
'For you know that God paid a ransom to save you from the empty life you inherited from your ancestors. And it was not paid with mere gold or silver, which lose their value. It was the precious blood of Christ, the sinless, spotless Lamb of God. God chose him as your ransom long before the world began, but now in these last days he has been revealed for your sake.' [1 Peter 1:18-20]
And the familiar worship song echoes through the corridors of my mind: And when before the throne // I stand in Him complete // Jesus died my soul to save // my lips shall still repeat // Jesus paid it all // All to Him I owe // Sin had left a crimson stain // He washed it white as snow //

A ransom has been paid for my very soul. I have been released from any and every chain that would ever hope to bind me. And yet, in the hustle and bustle; in distractedness and striving and giving into feelings of anxiety or jealousy, I willingly put the chains back on myself. I offer myself as a slave to my to-do lists, to my iPhone, to the stress that comes from overfilled days where I didn't make time for what truly matters.
I am not my own but I'm really quite good at acting like I am. I charge full speed into all that 'needs to be done' only to end up shaking my head at the end of the day, wondering why I still don't feel purpose or fulfillment. I strive, I long for more, I seek approval from those around me and it all falls short of the freedom that is already mine in Jesus Christ. He sets me free and there are no strings attached; He simply asks that I wouldn't let myself be burdened again! It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.' Galatians 5:1 
May I learn to cease striving and let Him lead. May I run to Him first and foremost with every detail of the journey; knowing that only a life found in Him will be a life worth living. My debt has been paid, I am made new. But I must choose to walk in this freedom every day, each moment.
And right there in that rocking chair on the front porch, I began to raise my voice and sing, because I am His and I am FREE! O Praise the One who paid my debt // And raised this life up from the dead

Learning to Share..

You know what's awesome? Husbands. Husbands are awesome. Specifically, my husband!

Who else will kill the gigantic (as big as my hand) spider in the kitchen sink? Who else goes dumpster diving in order to bring me a fruit dehydrator? Who doesn't stop getting me birthday presents even though I somehow manage to discover what they are before the big day arrives (unintentionally this year, I promise!)?
I feel like husbands are, for the most part, overworked and under appreciated!
I write a lot about our tiny son. But that doesn't mean I don't have just as many, if not more, thoughts about my best friend. I suppose I lean towards the Owen-isms in blogging because his journey through toddler-hood runs so parallel to my journey with Jesus. But while Owen and I are a roller-coaster of emotions and falling down and getting back up, Derek is a constant.
Consistently hard working, funny, encouraging; my husband can be counted on. He loves me so well and I don't thank him enough. He is dedicated to leading our family with grace and I take that for granted. He hangs in trees all day, attached to a chainsaw, and then comes home bearing donuts! He is a rare and exceptional type of man and I am abundantly blessed to be his wife.

There is something magical about marrying your best friend and, eventually, starting a family with them. I can not put into words the feeling that comes from seeing my favorite person on the planet rocking our sweet, tiny son. But with this magic comes the fact that I now have to share my best friend. That sounds silly, but it's true. (When you read the title, you thought this was going to be about Owen learning to share, didn't you!?)
When my best friend comes home from work at night, Owen usually beats me to him. And although I have a million things to tell Derek, Owen usually has two million! And it's unbelievably sweet. But sometimes it's also hard. Sometimes I don't want to share. (See what I mean about Owen and I being on very similar journeys?!)

My best friend is a daddy; the very best kind. He's also my husband; a fantastic one! On top of everything else on his plate he now has to balance those roles and, I must admit, sometimes I'm not very helpful. I expect, I assume, I remember the days when we had each other's full attention at the dinner table. But here's the thing: if I want my children to have the absolute best dad, then I have to be willing to share my best friend.

Derek and Owen will have a bond unlike any other; a father and son connection that I will never fully understand. And that is important and vital! They need each other and I need them to need each other. Derek is teaching Owen how to be a man.
Sometimes I feel guilty leaving our tiny son with my hard working husband so that I can go regain my sanity.. but then I come home and realize they've had the best time EVER and I know that it's not only good, but necessary! And sometimes I wish for uninterrupted conversations or date nights that weren't four months apart. But I know that this chapter of life is unlike any other and it is remarkably significant.
My husband and I have had incredible adventures. We've climbed mountains, jumped out of planes, ventured to other continents... and sometimes I long for those days. But I can not underestimate the absolutely EPIC adventure unfolding before us; raising up a family, giving of ourselves and being committed to this team. We work hard and we come home exhausted and we've had to realize that entertainment and 'night's out' can look a lot different but still be excellent. And this is the adventure that will alter our lives forever. 

This was supposed to be a Father's Day post and I'm a few days late.. But I wanted to express how THANKFUL I am for my best friend. And no matter what season we are in, I can still say what I said seven years ago, 'Any adventure with you is my favorite'. I'm sorry for the times that I grow anxious for the next rush, the plane tickets to somewhere exotic (sounds kinda silly when you know I live on an island..) or the next mountaintop to summit. 

Watching Derek with our son, partnering with him in the raising up of our young warrior, looking forward to our family growing... that is the adventure of a lifetime. And, thankfully, we do manage the occasional few hours away and we slurp chow mein with chopsticks and sneak our peanut butter cups into the movie theater. These times reminds me that we had this before and we have it now amidst the chaos and, in however many years until our babies are all grown, we'll have it still- a bond that words can't describe, a love that grows deeper with each day and the adventure of doing life side by side (even when that means I have to share him..) 

Happy Father's Day, my love.