The Hard To Swallow Daily Bread

We've been back from our adventures on the East coast for eight weeks. We've been crunching fall leaves, celebrating a second birthday for Danny Boy and preparing for Christmas! Derek is making incredible progress on our house and enjoying most of the process. My vision in the right eye is back to about 95% and I have a brand new appreciation for the wonder of sight! The boys have been fighting the inevitable 'change of season colds', which means we've been a little reclusive. 

The time has been simple and allowed for the soul-searching I love to do in anticipation of a new year. It's also made me wonder what the next chapter will hold and where it may take our family, which is why this quote caught my attention, 'Coming back to where you started is not the same as never leaving.' Terry Pratchett 

This may seem rather obvious, but the truth washed over my mind in a fresh way. I struggle with the returning. And it's certainly complicated because there is an undeniable magic wrapped up in 'coming home'. I delight in familiar sights and smells; streets rich with my growing up memories and time spent on the Pearl's porch swings. I crave structure and normalcy and a routine that keeps my head on track. But at the exact same time, I struggle with any form of returning from the 'not normal'. How incredibly complicated that my need to wander is embedded in my DNA right alongside my need for roots. Poor Derek!  

If we're being completely honest, which is the point of this blog, I've been mentally battling my mixed emotions for two years over being back in the sweet, tiny, mountain town where I grew up. Apparently, God and I defined 'transition place' a bit differently and as months turned into years I realized the lesson I was supposed to be learning was contentment regardless of circumstance; peace in the midst of messy unknowns. And I have wrestled with this on so many levels. Then Reactive Arthritis was added to the mix and I've been the walking limping definition of a 'hot mess' on more than one occasion lately!

Two weeks ago I had my follow up with the Rheumatologist. This was the appointment I was supposed to be cancelling when all my symptoms disappeared at the six-month mark; the one we scheduled 'just in case'. Needless to say, realizing I needed to keep the appointment was cause of a little anxiety; I was hopeful for answers but dreading a labeling of 'chronic' upon my not-quite-back-to-normal joints.
Instead of labeling and handing me a fat stack of prescriptions, grace was extended at this appointment. Not that a simple description should make one ounce of difference. But it's certainly unnerving to have your name nonchalantly stuffed into the same sentence as 'chronic' and 'arthritis' and I was deeply relieved when he didn't go there. I am still dealing with occasionally stiff and achy joints as well as minor swelling in my feet. But the doctor saw significant improvement and believes I just need a few more months to completely heal. The journey continues!

Not many days after the 'coming back' quote had me reassessing my issue with small town life, I stumbled upon the words Jesus used to teach his disciples to pray. "Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven." We know these familiar verses from Matthew 6. But the next sentence says, 'Give us today our daily bread..' and that's where my voice caught in my throat because I realized this is exactly what Jesus has so faithfully done throughout my entire life. He meets me where I'm at today; walking faithfully alongside me, He is the daily bread.
I desperately long for a glimpse at some kind of five-year plan, but he says 'Here's today, Daughter. This is enough for you to deal with!' He also reminds me of truth that I'd really rather not hear, 'You're in this town, this season of life, this battle for health, this struggle to find friendship FOR A REASON. I have you here for such a time as this, and it won't last forever, so don't miss what I'm doing.' Yikes. Daily bread is sometimes hard to swallow!

The Israelites were given both meat and bread from heaven on a daily basis and Exodus 16:18 says 'Everyone had gathered just as much as they needed.' If they collected extra, as I know I would be tempted to do, they awoke the next day to find it rotting in the baskets. All they could do was eat what was given, their daily bread, trusting there would be more the next morning. This could be stressful for those of us with a Costco shopping/pantry stocking mindset but, honestly, what a relief! And I am offered the same 'meal plan', just exactly what I can handle for this day in front of me and the strength to walk through it. Nothing more, nothing less; He holds it all so that I don't have to. (Not that I could, but I have certainly given it my best shot- rotting baskets of manna and all.) 

Wherever I may wander on this incredible globe, the coming back will always be a vital part of the journey. There will be literal returns, to familiar and family, and then there is the spiritual returning and centering in Jesus, the gathering of my daily bread. Not only are these returns a gift to be cherished, but they are exactly what will continue to enable us for the going out.

We are embarking on a new adventure in 2018! Derek was offered a position doing more of the insurance adjusting work that took us to Florida, and this time we are headed to Virginia! We are incredibly excited to explore yet another part of the country and look forward to all that God has in store. As I pack boxes I am filled with the knowledge that whenever we may return to the familiar of Colorado, it will be that much sweeter because of our time away.
While it can be difficult or frustrating to come back to where you started, it matters and can be such a beautiful part of the journey. Now, I'm not saying you should live in your parents basement forever! And the Bible specifically instructs us to move from 'milk to solid food' as we develop spiritually (Hebrews 5:12). We are created to grow up, dig deep, and spread wings! But that doesn't mean there won't be seasons of returning to the familiar and I pray that you won't miss what God has for you in the 'coming back'. I'm afraid I may have looked right past several 'little' opportunities here as I searched for the next 'big' step.

As for that contentment lesson I'm sure I'll be learning and re-learning for years to come, Paul actually lets us in on a game changing secret in Philippians 4:12-13, 'I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.' 
God gave the manna a daily expiration date FOR A REASON. Knowing our tendency to think we can do it on our own, this is His reminder that we will never out grow our need for this daily 'coming back' to be filled and equipped by Him. The Holy Spirit is ready and waiting to fill us with a strength that is the key to this seemingly elusive ability to be content regardless of circumstances. May we surrender our need to gather all the manna and learn to live in the knowledge that He holds everything together perfectly.