Seek Ye First..

One of the many perks of literally living at the church is easy access to the piano.  I love to go in the sanctuary and let my fingers dance their way across the keys.  It's certainly nothing concert worthy and I'm sure my timing is horrendous.  But it's an expression of my heart; a time where everything else fades away and I can meet Jesus on a level of raw simplicity.  That's where I was this last week, sitting in His presence, when something incredible happened.
I started to recognize the melody 'Seek ye first the Kingdom of God...' emerging from my absent-minded ramblings.  I haven't sung this song in years and can't ever remember playing it.  But there I was, playing it!  Picking out the notes did take a bit of effort, and the words were even slower in coming.  I kept singing the first line but drawing a blank after 'Kingdom of God'.  What came next?  As I continued to play, the words began to come.. 'and His righteousness.'  Derek's the only one that could hear my crazed repetition of this tune, so I wasn't too worried about playing it for the seventeenth time, and that's when I realized the next part, 'And all these things shall be added onto you.  Hallelu Hallelujah.'

God finds amazing ways to teach me.  I definitely find direction and inspiration through the Bible and at church and Bible study, but He's certainly not limited to those times or resources.  More often than not, He's using daily happenings to guide and mold me.  All those lessons learned in the coffee field are a perfect example.  And yet, after hearing from Him through this song... I just went on with my day!  It didn't fully register in my mind until we were sitting in Bible study, two nights later.
We were talking about the 'big picture' and the fact that we can get so caught up in our little world that we miss out on all that God has for us!  We wonder why everything's a mess and we drive ourselves crazy in attempts to control our little world.  But if we could just step back and look at the big picture we'd realize that there's SO MUCH MORE to life!  God has incredible plans for us and when we're focused on Him and following His direction, the details of our life will work themselves out!  (Or, rather, He works them out!)  And at this point the leader of our study said, 'Seek ye first the Kingdom of God!'  Woah.. sound familiar?!
It was an awesome week.  We've been praying for rain and it's finally starting to pour down.   I think we received more moisture this week than we have in the past few months!  Downpour from morning till night does tend to make field work a little more difficult, though.  Thankfully, not much is required at this point besides maintaining the weeds.  I was certainly glad for the chance to read a good book, meet up with a friend and take a few afternoon naps.  We discovered an all-time favorite meal in our spare time; a name-less conglomeration of everything we were craving this particular evening: teriyaki chicken, japanese noodles, baked carrots, cabbage, scrambled eggs- you get the picture :) And when the rain stopped we did tackle the weed whacking in the remaining sections of field that can't be mowed.  Unfortunately, the section I was in happened to be right under a ginormous avocado tree.  This means that the avos are scattered up and down each row, hidden by grass and weeds.  I wouldn't see them until it was too late and my whacker had already whipped the over-ripe, gooey green-ness all over my body.  Yuck!  I guess it's preparation for diaper changing?!

The little man continues to punch and kick the walls of his little cocoon.  I definitely wouldn't describe it as a 'fluttering' anymore!  I can actually see my belly moving which is extremely exciting and, I must admit, slightly freaky!  He is of eggplant proportions this week, but still goes by 'Peanut'.  We bounce back and forth with names.  Neither of us feel too rushed about the decision making, though.  We may not know for certain until we see his sweet face!
Excitement for the week: dinner with friends, meeting new people and Derek doing a back flip off his surf board!  I made my first batch of almond butter and then used it in a flour-less cookie recipe!  I must clarify, though.. they were flour-less simply because we had no flour and this pregnant lady NEEDED cookies!  I don't have many cravings, but when I do- it's an urgent matter.
We continue to mail out coffee and Derek worked wonders on our website.  You can check it out at pearlkonacoffee.com!  Derek and I are both taking a turn leading Bible Study at our church this next month and we've started researching our topics, digging into the Bible and picking people's brains.  We're excited and a little bit nervous!  Life is exciting!  Especially when we take our eyes off of our issues, unknowns, fears, etc. and focus in on the incredible things God is doing and the fact that He wants US to be a part of it.  I'm learning to seek Him first: His Kingdom and His righteousness!  Everything else will fall into place; exactly what I need for each day will be 'added unto me'.  Hallelu Hallelujah!

'stop' praying & get going <---

'Don't use prayer as an excuse to postpone action.'  Today I heard this statement for the very first time.  Our pastor was speaking on obedience and made a reference to a verse in Exodus 14 where 'the LORD said to Moses, 'Why are you crying out to me? Tell the Israelites to move on.' (vs. 15)  Woah, woah... what DO we have here?!  God is telling Moses to STOP praying?  Yes, (in that moment) because Moses already had an answer!  All that remained was acting upon it... 'Tell those Israelites to get a move on!'  But Moses was procrastinating.  'Well, I better check with God one more time...'  Uh oh, this is starting to sound uncomfortably familiar.  How often do I say 'Well, we're just really praying about it..' although I know deep down what the answer is and has been.
Prayer is absolutely vital and I'm not discounting it in the least.  Being in communication with God on a daily basis is 100% necessary.  But when it comes to responding to God's instructions, no excuse is a good excuse for delaying- even prayer!  If He's spoken, then no matter how many times I hit the floor seeking direction, His answer will be the same as it was to Moses!  'Do you seriously want to discuss this again??  You already know My answer, what are you waiting for?!'  I even had this verse in Exodus underlined, but certainly not as a reminder to stop praying.  Not until today, that is!  I love how God waits to reveal certain things to me until He knows I need to hear them.
This week was a wonderful conglomeration of work, play, coffee, friends and a few more 'belly spottings'.  We miss our families terribly, but being surrounded by such incredible people here is wonderful!  Whether we're hanging out at the beach, getting together for dinner or sitting around 'talking stories', Derek and I truly consider these people our family!  And they make life so sweet!

[Beautiful view on my morning run!]

So, what's keeping us busy these days?  Well, we spent some more time at the farm this week.  Growing a baby lets me off the hook for spraying weed killer, bug killer, etc.  This means I was on mower duty!  Mowing on the farm is a serious rush.  Keep in mind that the farm is situated nicely on the sloping form of a volcano, Mauna Loa.  There is no flat ground.  Not to worry, this simply requires exquisite operating skills.  As you finish one row and turn into the next you must adjust your sitting position to the far side, straddling the edge of the seat.  (Kind of like river rafting when the raft is about to flip and everyone has to scramble to 'high side'.)  There has to be a certain amount of pressure in the seat itself, though.. or the mower will shut off.  So, I'm becoming a ninja seat slider; keeping the mower running but also making the turn without sliding into any coffee trees!!  Now, add to this mess the spider webs criss crossing the entire row.  I take a stick with me and, when my hands aren't otherwise occupied with steering and adjusting the speed, I wave the 'web catcher' in front of me.  This is all fine on paper, but it can be a train wreck in real life.  And on Tuesday I was chewing bubble gum, as well, so we all know how that ended up!  Thankfully, there was only one minor coffee tree casualty and three or four (not so minor) freak outs as I plowed through a web at full speed. Yuck!
Derek is becoming quite the landscaper and has a few new jobs, now!  We praise God for the incredible ways He provides!  What I really love is hearing from people how much they appreciate the work that Derek does.  I'm well aware of what a stud I married but, I must admit, I can take for granted the fact that he's a 'do-er'.  When something needs to be done, he's on top of it!  And if he doesn't know how to do it, he'll learn!  It blows my mind to listen to him talk about plants, surf boards, coffee roasting or any of the other skills and interests he's acquired just since moving over here.  I'm so blessed!  And did I mention that he has superb grilling skills?!  This weekend we had a 'real man's meal' and Derek cooked the best New York strip I've ever had!  No joke.  Granted, that was only the second time we've had steak since moving over here.. so I'm a bit out of touch.  But, it was delicious!  Kai wasn't the only one drooling as the smells wafted up into the kitchen.  Complete with mashed potatoes and green beans, this was a meal for kings!  No special occasion, just a fantastic dinner to celebrate a wonderful life.  And, let me tell you, my hard working husband was in his GLORY eating that steak.

[Shipping out coffee!]

We quickly sold out of our 1 pound coffee bags and had another batch roasted this week!  Exciting times!!  Derek's been perfecting our labels and we finally invested in a legitimate printer.  We're not entirely sure how this coffee business fits into the grand scheme of our life, but for now we're giving it our best and constantly brain storming ways to take it to the next level.  We'd like to do more of the steps on our own, and if we're going to roast our own coffee why not roast other people's coffee?  And if we have a roasting business... why not open a coffee shop, too?!  That's a sample of one of our many trains of thought.  It's crazy and very exciting!  But we also continue to surrender any and every plan to God; knowing that His thought are not always our thoughts.  And His ways are SO much better than any ideas we may be able to conjure up!  (Isaiah 55:8-9)
Baby Pearl continues to grow; weighing in at 1.5 pounds, he's a heavy-weight champion and punches my bladder often enough to prove it!  This week's 'visual' is an ear of corn, but we're thinking he's way cuter than that.  His handsome face is almost fully formed!  But without much fat his skin is pretty transparent and it's probably for the best that we can't see him quite yet.  I do have an appointment coming up, though; best part of the whole month!  And 'Peanut' is becoming quite popular, I think he got more mail than I did this week!!  Finding surprise boxes full of Dr. Seuss books, blankets and miniature pieces of clothing is so much fun and a HUGE blessing :)  One package took me totally off guard this week; we were simply expecting a check for some coffee but found a sweet note, an octopus shirt for the little man and a generous contribution to 'Derek's stollen wallet fund', which hadn't even existed until that moment!  I don't even have the words to describe how this gift impacted Derek and I.  (And yes, I might have teared up a bit..)  God is good!!!

[week 24!]

Going into this new week I will certainly still be talking with my Savior, but I will also be aware of answers and direction that He has already given.  I don't want to use prayer as an excuse when I know what action is required of me.  I must simply pray for strength and then obey- no matter how 'big' or 'little' the act may be.  I want to step into the incredible plans Jesus has for me, every single day- and that means listening and obeying; knowing when to 'stop' praying and get going.

We're life lovers!

"Every time I go to use the bathroom, you're already in there!"  Legitimate issue if you have a pregnant wife.  Poor Derek puts up with a lot: mexican food cravings, stretchy pants obsession and a bladder that fills up at record speeds!  But his reward: feeling the impressive karate kicks of his papaya sized son!  This little man is moving around a LOT lately, and I absolutely love it!  They tell me it will be less cute once he weighs more than one pound and the kicks are aimed at my ribs.  But at this point I relish the feeling and Derek does morse code with him, strategizing for future adventures!
'Peanut' and I are 23 weeks and I've had my first two 'belly spottings' from complete strangers.  It took me awhile to realize the woman at the gas station was wondering when I was due!  'Oh, I guess I am the only one here subconsciously holding a protective hand over my belly while I pump gas..'  To have onlookers noticing the bump and actually realize it's more than an overzealous apetite for cheesecake is great for morale.  Especially when I'm down to just a few pairs of 'regular shorts' that still button.  Thank goodness for elastic!

[convinced that the weeds make my bump bigger..]

This last week FLEW by and another one started up without my permission; at least that's my explanation for the late post.  We worked at the land a few days, catching up on those pesky weeds that just won't stay wacked!  I've actually really enjoyed working in the fields lately.  Looking out over the neat rows of blossoming coffee trees is incredibly rewarding!  (And dealing with month-old weeds is a piece of cake compared to the gnarly jungle we faced at the beginning!)  Derek did some more landscaping and we started selling COFFEE!!  This is, by far, my favorite step in the process.  I have a strange fondness for paper work and post offices, so keeping track of purchases and mailing out shipments is my kind of 'work'.  We have a website up and running if any of you readers are interested: pearlkonacoffee.com.  There's still a few quirks to be worked out with the Paypal button, it only allows for the purchase of one bag at a time and for some coffee connoisseurs that just won't do!  So, you can also send me an email: bethel_pearl@yahoo.com for details, prices, etc.  The reviews so far are "Smooth and delicious!"
Our nightly entertainment of late is lemon eating!  Derek heard about a 'magic berry', a real fruit made into pill form that temporarily alters your taste buds and makes sour or spicy foods taste deliciously sweet!  One could argue that our idea of a good time has been significantly altered, and maybe they'd be right.  But this is seriously entertaining!  We also went on a date to the movies!  Derek had a theater gift card in his wallet that got stollen and I was pretty worked up about it because the thief won't even get any use out of it, why couldn't they just leave it!!  Adding insult to injury, I suppose.  But, it's all good because the theater said they would accept the receipt and for some unknown reason, I had it in my purse!!  Thank you, Jesus for the little things :)

[here's a cute face for ya!]

Here's the thing: we just genuinely love life.  The other day Derek and I just kept looking at each other and saying things like "Today's a great day!" or "We've got a pretty cool life!"  We're life lovers!  God is incredible and He has brought us so far.  We laugh a lot and we concoct delicious foods.  We work hard and we dream big.  We sit on the roof and watch the waves crash.  We go to the beach and while Derek surfs I simply float in the water, content to feel weightless for awhile!  We'll meet our son in four months and we couldn't be more excited!!  Kai is one year old and friskier than ever; we are so thankful for him!  This church God led us to has changed our lives in countless ways.  We know about worship and fellowship, serving and being served, in ways that we've never even thought possible.  And we live in a gorgeous place where we don't have to wear shoes!  (Did I mention how Derek actually forgot to pack shoes for our CO. trip and was reminded just seconds before heading to the airport that he was barefoot!!?)  

This week didn't come with a huge revelation.  I felt God in more of a 'still, small voice' sort of way, which I actually prefer.  His presence is so sweet.  As I played the piano, as I walked up and down rows of coffee trees, as I laid in bed at night I was continually reminded of His goodness, His love, His provision.  

These verses stood out to me:: 2 Samuel 6:21-22 'I will celebrate before the LORD.  I will become even more undignified than this..'  A king, recklessly abandoned in worship of his King!  Without concern for the thoughts and judgements of any onlookers.  He didn't care.  Jeremiah 31:3 'I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.'  Unrelenting love and pursuit of a rebellious nation, of stubborn people!  We can not fathom His kind of love; a love that never fails.  Hebrews 7:25 'Therefore he is able to save completely those who come to God through him, because he always lives to intercede for them.'  Jesus paid the ultimate price for our freedom and He is rooting for US!!  2 Samuel 7:18 'Who am I, Sovereign LORD, and what is my family, that you have brought me this far?'  Humbled at the realization of all that God's done, David is brought to his knees in awe!  And I seem to be in the same position.. humbled by my King, yet also wanting to jump around and do a happy dance!  I'm blown away by His love and the fact that He's in Heaven RIGHT NOW talking to God on my behalf!  He has made a way, for this life AND the next and I will celebrate!! 

[my surfer man!]

this IS the day?!

Alright, this has been kept a secret for WAY too long; I won't even attempt to beat around the bush, now.  IT'S A BOY!!!  And we are absolutely thrilled!  Not only does this cut the overwhelmingness of name choosing in half, it also allows us to begin picturing life with a little man!  The downside is that I want to purchase every tiny, blue article of clothing and miniature sized pair of shoes now.  Uh oh!  Our Colorado trip was perfect timing for this announcement.  I wasn't able to instigate any of my grand 'gender revealing' ideas, however.  Having everyone wait around for me to bake cupcakes just wasn't feasible!  But being able to share the news in person with so many family members was incredible.  We even had the latest ultrasound pictures to show off!

[here he is, flexing!]

Thankfully, my cocoon of a womb keeps this baby warm and cozy; Colorado was terribly chilly!  Getting off the plane in shorts and flip flops was quite the shock to our systems!  Needless to say, we'd forgotten (or blocked out) what -12* feels like.  If anyone needed to find me throughout the week they could just check by the fireplace!  Everyone told us we visited on the worst possible week.  Apparently Colorado had been seriously lacking in the cold and snow department until we arrived!  But we actually feel like that was the best kind of week to experience; we got our fill of arctic beauty and gained a brand new appreciation for Hawaii!

I've decided that traveling as a prego is good preparation for traveling with babies.  All of a sudden, successful airport navigation has become more difficult because the bathrooms are spaced WAY too far apart!  The drinking fountains spurt out the most pathetic stream of water and filling a bottle is next to impossible.  And the bottle that WAS full they want me to dump out at security?!  Seriously, how is a pregnant lady supposed to stay hydrated here!  (Don't worry.. no water was wasted in this experience, I'm an expert h2o chugger!)  To top it off, I need food about every three hours and my stomach makes no exception to astronomically priced airport food!  Packing snacks is a necessity these days.  On the airplane Peanut was quick to inform me that the position I normally assume for plane rides: passed out on the tray table, is no longer an option.  Oh, and no one mentioned that six hours of sitting might result in bloated feet.  Oi vey!  All things considered, we did have smooth travels and although I like to be slightly dramatic I AM certainly thankful. 

[21 weeks-1 day]

The best part about getting off the plane was, of course, seeing family!  In second place: Chick-Fil-A for lunch!  We're seriously considering starting up our own franchise on the Big Island; an entire year between Chick-N-Strips is simply preposterous!  After lunch we headed to Motherhood Maternity for a little shopping.  It was a smashing success!  I was finally able to try on cute prego clothes and realize I don't have to dress in a gunny sack for the next four months!  I'll never forget Derek's face when I walked out of the dressing room modelling the velcro baby pillow.  Wearing it under the clothes enables you to envision yourself in several more months.  Thankfully, my baby bump will grow gradually and he can adjust slowly.  Also, we're hoping my bump won't be quite as lumpy as that slightly, overused pillow...  :)
After a year of absence it was wonderful to catch up with family and a few long lost friends.  We met the two newest, sweetest members of the clan and got plenty of 'practice' time for when our little man arrives.  (I couldn't talk Derek into any 'practice' diaper changes, though...hm.)  We saw parents, grandparents, siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles.. the list goes on!  There was no shortage of stories to be told, cards to be played or m&m's to be munched on.  There was a serious lack of humidity, however!  Three bloody noses within two days had me lathering up with VIX and taking back my every complaint about frizzy hair.  I've never gone through so much lotion in my life, and I think Derek has sworn off jeans forever!

[our beautiful mountains!]

I'm doing my best not to write a saga.  Skipping a week of blogging has clogged my memory bank, though!  There is one memory that, although unpleasant, will be associated with this trip for quite some time.  Our car was broken into and Derek's wallet was stollen..  the DAY before we flew back to Hawaii.  'Crazy' doesn't do justice to that day.  The thief was on foot and because of the fresh snow Derek was able to track the footsteps for several miles.  Once he lost them we called the police but these things aren't exactly high priority in their books.  Charges started popping up on our debit cards, $450 there... $150 there.  Thankfully, our banks were awesome and worked with us to put a stop on the cards.  We'll also be refunded the money that was spent.  The sick feeling in our stomachs came from knowing that Derek's wallet was 'loaded' with cash.  We never have money in our wallets but this was vacation money, birthday money, cash from selling coffee!  This thief hit the jackpot.  Also missing was Derek's license and, last time we checked, the airlines aren't too gracious about letting you board a plane without one!  So, we headed to the DMV.  That is where we began to realize God's goodness amidst the awful circumstances.
In our vast experience the DMV usually equals long lines and exceptionally grouchy workers.  Not this time, however, we had barely taken a seat when our number was called and we were assisted by, not one, but THREE very pleasant ladies!  Service with a smile!  Within a few hours we had made all the necessary calls and answered questions from the police.  The adrenaline was starting to wear off.  Derek looked at me as we were driving to lunch and said "Ya know, from the minute I woke up today I've had the song 'This is the day that the Lord has made' stuck in my head."  I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.  He was obviously not too impressed with the song selection for the day and said how it just kept playing over and over as he was chasing those footprints.  This got me thinking, though.  I realized how much worse this situation could've been.  I started seeing God's grace throughout this catastrophe.  No one was hurt.  All that we lost was 'stuff'.  (Derek might disagree with me lumping his Oakley sunglasses into that category!) But it's true, nothing but material possessions was taken.  We are still forgiven; we still have all that we need for this life AND the next.  We have each other and a baby on the way.  We are incredibly blessed.

-love this man-

I can't talk about 'holding onto life with open hands' if I'm not willing to actually live it.  When things are plucked out of those open hands will I begin to doubt and question?  Will I try to close my hands, hoarding all that I've been given?  I realize that in the grand scheme of life and compared to other people's losses this incident is so very trivial.  But in the moment it was, admittedly, a crushing blow.. one that I needed to deal with.  It's not that in my acceptance of this I said 'Oh, whatever.. I don't care!'  Rather, I had to choose to let it go, release my bitterness towards this thief and continue to surrender my EVERYTHING to God and trust Him.  I don't understand why these things happen.  But I do know that God is in control. I do know that He works all things together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose [Romans 8:28].
Derek has flown to Hawaii on his birthday two years in a row, now.  I fluctuate between thinking that's the coolest present ever and realizing a five hour layover in LAX is a terrible way to spend a birthday.  Either way, we were just glad he got ON the plane!  And before heading to the airport we had to stop and sign off on our taxes.  We had a professional do them this year since we had no idea how to file as 'self employed'.  We didn't have a clue what to expect and had been bracing ourselves for having to pay, hoping they take payment in coffee bean form.  Imagine our surprise when they told us we will be the ones getting paid.  Refund time!  And the amount is even more than what we lost the day before.  I'm telling you, God is good!  We boarded our flight with smiles on our faces.  Although extremely dramatic, the stollen wallet will eventually fade in our memories.  What will be remembered was a great trip and quality time with so many of the people we love.  The cold and snow also left quite an impression on us, we're thinking it should last us another year or so!  And above all we are reminded, once again, of what a great God we serve.  No matter what the lunatics of this world may do, we know Who's in control.  And, even when singing it through gritted teeth I do believe that this IS the day the Lord has made.  And yes, we will rejoice and be glad in it!

my story, my song

'This is my story, this is my song.  Praising my Savior all the day long.'  The sweetest, little 'choir' of kids sang 'Blessed Assurance' in church yesterday and their melody touched something deep inside me.  What is my story, what is my song?  Can my life truly be summed up in these few statements?  'Heir of salvation, purchase of God, born of His Spirit, washed in His blood.'  Is that what defines my existence?  When people want to know about me I tend to expound on where I've been and what I've done; emphasis on the grandest adventures and greatest achievements.  All of these are a wonderful part of my journey and have shaped who I am today; my experiences make for incredible story telling!  But at the core of the matter is a simple question- what is my song?  Or rather, Who is my song?  Something in me shifted as these beautiful, Hawaiian children belted out the lyrics.  'I in my Savior am happy and blessed, watching and waiting, looking above, filled with His goodness, lost in His love.'  My song isn't about what I've done, but what has been done for me.  The melody of my life is not even about me!  It's about Him.  'This is my story, this is my song.  Praising my Savior all the day long.' 

I am incredibly excited about being a Mom.  Like 99.99% stoked.  But, I would be lying if I didn't admit to that tiny, voice inside that whispers doubts and fears in the stillness of the night.  I feel that as I step into motherhood I'll be stepping into the rest of my life.  Don't get me wrong, I'm already head over heels for this sweet baby and I can only imagine how that love will explode once he/she is born!  I'm excited for every single 'first'.  I'm thrilled about having an excuse to do all the things I'm still secretly crazy about: kite flying, star gazing, snowflake tasting, chalk drawing and PB&J's in the shape of space ships!!  But I do wrestle with the thought of whether I'll be anything but 'Mom' from here on out.

One idea that's danced around in the back of my subconscious for many years is that of being a Massage Therapist.  I've never looked into it seriously, but the thought has always been present when I ponder the future.  So, with a baby on the way and thoughts of diaper changing, soccer practice and science experiments filling my mind, I latched onto this idea.  I found an Academy near by that offers the schooling as well as the hands-on, apprenticeship necessary and the next course starts in March!  Perfect, I was ready to sign up.  Yet, every time I prayed about it, something felt... off.  I didn't know if it was my own over analyzing or if God was actually trying to get through to me.  (Stubborn, much?!) After emailing back and forth with the instructor, she asked me to give her a call to talk out a few more details.  As the phone rang I offered up a hurried prayer, 'God, have your way with this conversation.  Your will be done!'  And then she answered and spoke exactly what I needed to hear.  

As an instructor, making her living off the people signing up for the course, I was blown away by her raw honesty.  After hearing my story she told me, in the sweetest way possible, that she didn't think this was the right time for me.  She highly recommends this occupation to mothers, as you can work your own hours, etc.  But she spoke straight to my heart saying that this baby will change our lives, it will redefine what I do and who I am.  But it is a beautiful change, an incredible redefining.  She encouraged me to embrace this time, to step into the role and count it a privilege, an extraordinary gift.  As we spoke, or rather as she spoke and I listened, an incredible peace filled me and I felt.. free.  Marvellously free!  I'm still very interested in this course and she said she'd love to talk to me down the road a bit.  But I could finally throw out this ridiculous notion that I need to rack up some kind of achievement so that I don't have to introduce myself as 'just a Mom'.  That is a lie and I don't know how I let it permeate so deeply inside me, but God met it with truth and released me to embrace this brand new season of life.  Maybe I will go to school someday, maybe I'll become an astronaut!  I might travel to Africa or write my own book!  But no matter what I do or 'who I am' my song will stay the same.. 'Praising my Savior, all the day long!'  

Derek and I had a lovely Valentine's Day.  Have I mentioned lately how much I like that husband of mine?!  After working all day, he still managed to surprise me with... no, not flowers (he brings me flowers all the time!) not chocolate (strange prego quirk: I'm not the chocoholic I used to be) but the most delicious selection of fruits!  I've been craving figs like none other and he managed to find them for me, plus dragon fruit, lilikoi and oranges.  He knows me well :)  And, his card almost made me cry.. silly progesterone overload seems to have taken my emotions bungee jumping!  But with an ever expanding baby bump it does this heart a world of good to know that my lover still finds me beautiful!  There are occasions for getting dolled up and going out on the town, but Thursday wasn't one of them.  We opted for staying home, making heart shaped homemade pizzas and reminiscing the last 4 1/2 years together.  Our journey is certainly one for the books!

Thanks to our latest church project, I can now add 'professional tile layer' to my ever expanding resume.  Granted, it's the peel and stick kind.  No grouting required.  And Derek made most of the tricky cuts.  But, I still feel very accomplished!  That plus a few more painting/cleaning projects kept me busy throughout the week while Derek was landscaping all over South Kona!  He's a busy man these days!  But we blocked off the next two days for maintenance at the coffee farm.  Weed wacking here we come and you KNOW how excited I am :)  Actually, we haven't needed to work out there the past few weeks and it will actually be nice to get out in the fields again.  

Speaking of coffee... we officially have our first batch of finished product!  Roasted, nuggets of Kona gold that is calling to all of you coffee drinkers.  I can't even think about drinking coffee these days, but Derek says it's the real deal and we're so proud of it that all the bags are just sitting on our kitchen counter... the end result from a year's worth of work.  We're still working on an artsy label for the bags, and figuring out how to market our delicious brew, etc.  But, if you simply can't WAIT another minute to purchase some Pearl Kona Coffee we'd love to hear from you and we'll give you the low down on bag sizes, prices, shipping, etc.  My email is bethel_pearl@yahoo.com and Derek's is drkprl@gmail.com

I know another baby bump picture is in order, now that 'Peanut' and I are officially HALF way!  I'll certainly have one by next week, as well as the very exciting announcement of girl or boy!  We're heading to Colorado this week and can hardly contain our excitement after a whole year apart from family.  We know that a week will be more than enough time to be bombarded by thoughts of moving closer to the people we love.  There will also be plenty of talk about Derek's job offer out there.  Who knows.. maybe that is what God has next for us.  We still don't know, but we're staying surrendered and holding this life with open hands.  Wherever we go, whatever we do: we know our story, our song.  We're 'looking above, lost in His love' and that is what defines us.  'Praising our Savior, all the day long.'

obedience, spinach & gunny sack shirts

The decisions, conversations and actions of today are the framework for what is to come, whether in your own life, your children's lives or events that won't unfold for countless generations.  God is orchestrating every detail of every single life.  He sees the big picture, of which you and I are just one tiny piece.  I can not begin to perceive what God is doing or how He works; I constantly underestimate the importance of 'today'.  He can see from beginning to end and yet, in consideration for our minuscule brain capacity and His incredible desire for us to TRUST Him, He may only allow us to see that which lies directly in front of us.  I know this.  And yet, I regularly ask to be able to 'zoom out'; I constantly crave the broader view of life.

[Kai, at one of his favorite swimming holes!]

This week I read Acts 10 and had a genuine 'lightbulb moment'.  The events of this chapter changed history forever.  An angel appears to a man named Cornelius and tells him to send for a man named Peter, so he does.  Obedience, even though it didn't make any sense.  The next day Peter is on the roof, praying, and sees an unbelievable vision of 'unclean' animals that he is told to kill and eat.  Long story short, God is teaching him not to call anything 'unclean that God has made clean', a 180* turn from everything he's ever known.  While he's still pondering this revelation, the men from Cornelius arrive at the house and the Spirit tells Peter to go with them, so he does!  Obedience, even when it goes against everything he's ever known.  He arrives at Cornelius' house to find a crowd of Gentiles that, according to Jewish law, it would be illegal for him to associate with.  But, because of his vision and God's words, he begins to share with them the incredible news about Jesus!
There's so much more to this beautiful story but I needed to read it for a specific reason this week.  I realized that these men had no advance warning, they simply responded to God's instructions and acted in obedience even when it seemed completely insane.  And the world was transformed because of that obedience.  This was God's plan to extend salvation to ALL people, and yet He waited till the last minute to spring this on Peter.  How do I justify my demand for a plan or some direction when I realize that God didn't even provide an itinerary to some of the most influential people in history.  He told them when it was time and they acted, even when that meant abandoning 'common sense' or setting themselves up for ridicule.  This isn't to say that He didn't have it all mapped out, that He wasn't opening doors and preparing hearts long before this went into play.  But those He used didn't have a clue until it was time.  Until it was time.  That's where I struggle.  I must accept that when it is time, He'll show me.  And until then, enjoy where He has me right NOW!

[Best pancakes EVER!]

Once I grasped this truth my eyes were opened to the fact that God actually HAS answered a prayer.  Derek has work!  Not just random, odd-jobs but an 8-5 landscaping job both last week and this week!  We are so thankful!  I'll say it again and again, God provides.  Jesus is involved in every detail; big things like work or a place to live and 'little' things like an unexpected box of pancake mix just in time for National Pancake Day!  My days are flying by as well and include things like cleaning at home and, on occasion, at a Bed&Breakfast.  I've had time for laundry, cooking, reading books, going running or walking with Kai and tackling a list of odd-jobs at the church.  I'm so grateful for this time and Derek's a pretty big fan of coming home to a hot dinner and freshly baked cupcakes.  I do have a few house -wife confessions, however.  When I'm home alone I like to eat cereal for lunch and I often find myself talking out loud or spontaneously bursting out in song.  I drink orange juice right out of the carton and if I've crossed everything off my list, I might even watch a movie that make me cry!  I'm not ashamed, though...and if I was, I could easily blame the pregnancy!
Speaking of pregnancy!!  This is week number 19 and 'Peanut' is testing out his/her new abilities now that cartilage is turning to bone and neurons between the brain and muscles are connected.  Knowing about all the incredible developments going on inside me is truly astonishing.  Sometimes I read the weekly update and just say 'Wow, God!!  Wow!'  The strange symptom for the week is nightly leg cramps.  AND, while shopping this week, I ventured into the maternity section for the first time in my life.  Unfortunately, the experience was slightly depressing.  Hawaii doesn't have an amazing selection for pregos and even the extra small shirts still felt like a gunny sack.  Thankfully, my regular clothes still fit, minus the occasional unbuttoning of pants before sitting down for a long drive :)  Our Colorado trip is rapidly approaching, though, and I'm hoping to invest in a few purchases out there.
One last snippet from our week.  I finally got my VitaMix!  Saving all my Christmas money finally paid off when these incredible blenders went on sale at Costco last week.  Basically, I can grind ANYTHING, make homemade nut butters, turn soy beans into soy MILK, etc.  It can make homemade ice cream and it can make hot soup.  This is not a commercial, it's just that amazing! And, the most practical use is the smoothies, which we've had on a daily basis.  These aren't your average smoothies, though.  I can pulverize any and all vegetables, mix them with fruits and juice and, apart from the tell-tale, green color, we don't even know we're drinking all that healthy goodness.  Derek and I have consumed more spinach in the last three days then we would have in months, and we've actually enjoyed it!  So, that's all I've got for now.  I'm off to find new recipes to try out in our super sonic blender!  And I'm resting in the fact that God sees the whole plan.. beginning to end.  I'm content with where He has us and excited for whatever He will tell us next.

[yes, that's spinach!]

the fragile beauty of life

Drifting off to sleep, my hand absently drifts to my stomach, its favorite resting place of late.  At first it's a bubble bursting against the surface, kissing my palm.  My hand resettles in time to feel it again and, although subtle, I knew that I knew.  Grabbing Derek's hand, I return to the source of excitement, drawn like a magnet that can't resist!  It took a few times of me saying, 'There, did you feel it?!'  But, eventually, he's in on the secret, too :)  The first 'touch' from our baby!

[Peanut & I at 18 weeks!]

Life is beautiful.  It's also incredibly fragile.  The death of our neighbor this past week was a stark reminder of just how fleeting our days are.  We watched the red and blue lights flash on the highway below us as EMTs loaded the man into an ambulance and onlookers scrambled to pull the crumpled motorcycle off the road.  We're not sure how long he hung on, but the next morning brought word that he was gone.  I don't think his little baby has stopped crying since that night; the haunting sound wafts through our windows and breaks my heart. 

Ecclesiastes 3 tells me there is a time for everything, 'a time to be born and a time to die'.  Forming within me is a brand new, vibrant life and across the street they attempt to deal with an unexpected, shocking death.  A reminder that we can NOT take our days for granted.  As I pray for our baby and all that he/she will face in this world I'm comforted by the fact that God is in charge.  God know this child; He loves him/her and has wonderful plans for their life.  In the face of a terrifying, cruel world I can rest in the truth that my God ordains our every day.  Psalm 139:16 'Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.'  I can also relish in the beauty and wonder surrounding me; looking forward to all the discovery and adventure in store for our baby.

['Peanut' got mail!! Sweet shirts from my VERY sweet friend, Ali!]

Side note:  I can not WAIT to stop saying 'him/her' or even, by accident, 'it'!  Only eight more days until we know if we'll have a wild, sword swinging little man or a sweet, princess with pig tails!  Now, how long it will be till YOU all know is another story.  We're debating keeping it a secret until our Colorado trip at the end of the month so that the gender revealing can be done in person with at least a part of our family! 

Something I'm continually becoming more aware of is how incredible my husband is.  He's dealing with a pregnant wife in all the best possible ways; helping me with dishes, bringing me flowers and going along with strange cravings and emotions as if they were (almost) perfectly normal.  I'm so thankful for him!  This week he's been doing a lot of work around the church, checking things off our care-taking list; stair painting, carpet laying, plant.. planting!  Some jobs require an extra pair of hands, and I'm happy to jump in.  Other tasks just require a supervisor or bearer of cookies and fresh-squeezed orange juice.  We've also had a few other jobs, landscaping for Derek, cleaning for me.  God is providing!

[19 oranges = 1/2 pitcher!]

Because 6 1/2 acres was just not enough pruning for us, we also headed to the 'other' farm this week for some tree trimming.  Derek was pleasantly surprised to have a chainsaw at his disposal for this round.  A break from the trusty saw did a world of good for his wrist and sped up the process significantly.  There's no tool for speeding up the tree dragging, though!  It was up to me to keep up with his chainsaw massacre of coffee trees.  After a few days of not-so-manual labor, it was refreshing to be back at it.  And I must say, even with the additional breaks for snacks, water and peeing, this slightly dramatic prego managed to keep up pretty well!
Another week, come and gone.  It goes by so fast.  Walking home from the store I passed all the flowers and memorials for our neighbor and realized, 'I have no idea how much longer I'll be alive.'  It's not morbid, just truthful.  I might live for 100 more years, or I might be gone tomorrow.  And that doesn't scare me.  Life is incredibly fragile, but I know who I am and I know where I'm going.  Every single day on this planet is a blessing and I will continue to live that way until my last day.  It is the realization that we are 'but a mist.. appearing for a little while and then vanishing'  [James 4:14] that motivates me to grab hold of every moment I'm given.  That may not always mean sky diving or a spur of the moment trip to Costa Rica, although those are some of my favorite memories.  In the day-to-day life it means stepping out of my comfort zone.  I will choose to see the beauty in people, their potential, because that's what Jesus does for ME!  I will live by faith even when it seems ridiculous to those observing.  None of this by my own strength, all by the grace of Jesus who gives me each day, each breath.  Life may be fragile but I know the Author of Life and He knows the number of hairs on my head! [Luke 12:7]  In other words, He's got it covered!