learning to refuel..

A friend recently told me 'babies have a tendency to minimize everything else in your life!'  I'm beginning to realize the truth of that statement.  We've had 18 wonderfully exhausting days with our tiny son, Owen.  I can't imagine life without this little man.  The sweet smell of his hair is my new favorite scent.  I work so hard to get him to fall asleep only to immediately start wishing he would wake up again!  His hand wrapped tightly around my finger is enough to take my breath away.  And the 'mother bear' instincts welling up within me at the thought of anything or anyone ever hurting him are almost frightening in their intensity!

Productivity is at an all time low on the home front, but I'm beginning to embrace an entirely new definition of that word!  Cleaning can wait.  Laundry can be moved to the back burner.. at least, until we run out of clothes.  Owen takes priority.  And what a sweet priority he is!  Each day we discover a love stronger than what we'd felt for him the day before.  Even after an almost sleep-less night, one look at his tiny face makes it all worth it.  
Being peed on is now a regular occurrence.  Projectile poop is no longer just the material of horror stories; we've been there, handled that!  (Although, I didn't realize the poop was streaked all the way down the wall until the next day, making for a little extra scrubbing.)  This baby makes us laugh; his grunts and squeaks translate as entire conversations in our minds.  We had no idea that baby watching would become a favorite form of entertainment.  Who needs TV when you've got a newborn?

[Owen's visitors!!]

Derek was able to stay home with us for our first day out of the hospital but then he headed back to work.  I'm so thankful for a hard working husband.  Owen and I can't wait for him to get home each afternoon, though.  Our wonderful church family took turns popping in to meet Owen, bringing delicious meals and finding out for themselves whether the 'four hour labor' story was rumor or truth.  The love that these people continually pour out on us is incredibly humbling; they will never truly know the difference that their support has made in our lives.
We had a week and a half as 'just us'.  We needed that time on our own to begin figuring out this new dimension of our family.  But right when our list of 'is this normal' questions was maxed out and we were resorting to cheerios for dinner.. back up arrived in the wonderful form of Grandma DeDe!  The timing couldn't have been more perfect.  Five kids, eleven foster babies and ten grandchildren certainly qualify her for putting our fears at ease.  Her knowledge and experience is truly invaluable but, way beyond that, it's just amazing to have my Mom here.  (And she still makes the best mac&cheese in the WORLD!)

[attempting to be productive..]

In the craziness of welcoming our son into the world, a very special date snuck up on us.. our THIRD wedding anniversary!!  We knew that there may not be opportunity for a candle light dinner on the actual day.. and as far as any extreme forms of celebrating- well, I need a little more recovery time before going scuba diving or jumping out of an airplane.  We did indulge in our favorite cheeseburgers, complete with onion rings, though.  And we've formulated plans to milk the occasion for several weeks :)
What we've realized over the years (I say that like this is our 50th!) is that it's not about fancy gifts or expensive dinners.  Yes, our anniversary IS a special occasion.. and waking up to a fresh cut rose DID make my whole day, but our love should be celebrated throughout the whole year.  The expensive or fancy are not what strengthen a relationship but rather the 'little things' done on a regular basis.  Derek shows me his love in countless ways every day; a lunch box full of mangos, a massage although he's the one that worked all day, or a sticky note on my mirror.  The last three years have been incredible and I can't wait to see what God has in store for year four.  I'm so blessed to be married to my best friend!

[love this little family!]

If I told you that I was precariously close to running out of gas you would tell me to visit the nearest gas station.  And if I responded that I simply couldn't spare the time, you would undoubtedly call me crazy and expect to see my car stranded on the side of the road.  Simple enough.  Yet, what about my spiritual gas tank?  I must admit, after week one of life with Owen I was running on empty.  The days were blurring together and I simply didn't have a lot of 'opportunity' for studying my Bible.  Soaking in the presence of my God seemed like a thing of the past; I justified it by reasoning that God gave me this baby, surely He realizes I don't have the free time I used to.  

Then I opened up my devotion book, 'Jesus Calling', and the words spoke straight to my soul, 'Many people turn away from Me when they are exhausted.'  Uh oh..  The verse for that day was Isaiah 30:15 (AMP)  'In returning to me and resting in me you shall be saved; in quietness and trust shall be your strength.'  Wake up call.  How can I possibly expect to get refuelled if I won't take the time to return to the source of fuel!?  Of course Jesus knows exactly what my days include.  He's not counting the number of chapters I read or the amount of minutes spent in prayer.  But He longs for me to press into Him, to allow Him to be my strength!  He's calling to me, 'Daughter, rest in me! Quiet yourself for even just a few minutes.  Trust me with your day.  Let me save you.  I will fill you and equip you with exactly what is needed for the next day, the next moment!'  

[just look at that FACE!!]

Running out of gas is a rookie mistake but it happens to the best of us.  The thing is, most people aren't quick to forget that three mile trek to the nearest gas station.  The next time that empty light blinks on they are quick to refuel.  Trying to live life on my own strength left me stranded on the side of the road.  Thankfully, Jesus doesn't ever give up on me.  It may take three different sittings to read through that one chapter but that is the fuel that will keep me going.  My prayers may float up to heaven in fragmented bits as I wake up throughout the night to feed Owen but Jesus is more than capable of piecing them together.  I'm learning to refuel in any and every way I can; trusting Jesus to be my strength for each moment of this brand new chapter. 

A week I wouldn't change one bit..

The last few days of waiting for Owen's arrival were an eternity.  The due date came... and went, yet the world didn't come to a screeching halt as I had apparently presumed!  We kept right on as 'normal'.  The only real difference was how I answered curious inquiries about my baby's pending arrival; with a rather melancholy, 'Oh, the due date was yesterday..'  Slightly dramatic, I realize now, but I felt as though the little man had taken up permanent residency inside my womb!
Proverbs 19:21' Many are the plans in a person's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails.' 
Derek didn't admit to this but I know he was dreading the thought of me going into labor while he was working.  He managed to talk me into accompanying him to almost all his jobs.  Although, on one especially hot day, it took the bribery of a chai frappucino to get me in that truck.  I'm glad he was adamant, though.  I would've driven myself crazy at home alone; he kept me thoroughly occupied with weeds that needed pulling and grass that needed mowing.
We also fertilized the entire coffee farm!  This may be my new favorite task in the fields, simply walking up and down the rows, flinging the fertilizer in a nice circle around each tree.  Not especially taxing work, but if anything was going to send me into labor I was sure that trekking up and down 6 1/2 acres of coffee trees would do the trick!

[Derek's rose bush in bloom!!]

Proverbs 16:9 'In their hearts humans plan their course, but the LORD establishes their steps.'
We were on the schedule to take a turn leading Bible study on the 11th.. but in our minds that was kind of a joke.  After all, everyone knew we'd be in the hospital then!  Yet, Thursday arrived in all its glory and even after a walk to where Derek was working for the day, I felt absolutely normal.  After the fact I can honestly say that I'm thankful Owen didn't come that day.  Bible study was awesome and in our last minute preparations we actually learned a LOT.  Afterwords we had an awesome time of prayer!  Our wonderful 'family' gathered around Derek and I to pray for Owen's delivery and for his life. We asked God to give Derek and I strength to face each contraction and also strength for each step of this journey.  It was so encouraging.  God knew that we needed that.  He is faithful even when we are flaky.  He uses every situation to teach us something.
Psalm 33:11 'But the plans of the LORD stand firm forever, the purposes of His heart through all generations.'
Friday morning I woke up to the sound of Derek's laughter.  He was in the kitchen, drinking coffee and watching trailers for the movie 'Despicable Me 2'.  I wandered out and before I could lament about another night having come and gone without any sign of our son, Derek announced that we had an appointment at the movie theater once he finished his jobs for the day!  Sweet husband, once again, saved me from myself and gave me something other than going into labor to look forward to.  We had a fantastic date, complete with free popcorn and our smuggled in contraband: RedBull and Reese's for Derek, fresh blueberries and pineapple for me!  (Okay, and maybe a KitKat!)  I'm so thankful for that time together, especially now that it won't be 'just us' for quite awhile!
Psalm 37:7 'Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for Him..' 
I know you're reading this post because you know that the little man has, indeed, arrived and you want details.  But, this was all part of Owen's birth story; my impatience, God's perfect timing and a week that, looking back on, I wouldn't change one bit.

And now, the moment we've all been waiting for.. Owen's birthday!!  Saturday was absolutely beautiful.  Our friend blessed us with tickets to a pancake breakfast.  We wandered through a rummage sale and I got a killer deal on a massive stack of books.  (Although, now I'm wondering if I'll ever have time to read again.. :)  We cleaned the church, I took a nap and then decided that an evening stroll sounded perfect.  Kai and I had plenty of energy and went almost 3 miles.  I'm not sure if Owen was planning on coming that night anyway or if the walk was an extra motivator, but when I got home things started progressing.
It took a long time for me to be convinced that I was actually in labor.  I suppose I was in denial; I didn't want to raise my (and Derek's) hopes only to realize he was still not coming.  My chicken stir fry took a bit longer than usual to make because I kept stopping, grabbing on to the counter and just breathing.  The pain was a very intense cramping feeling, not at all what I had anticipated.  Derek was getting a little curious but trying not to be TOO excited.
If there was one bit of advice that we heard more than anything else it was 'Wait it out as long as possible at home.'  So, after only 2 hours of contractions we felt lame for calling labor and delivery but when they heard that the contractions were 2-3 minutes apart they said I needed to come in.  I'm so thankful we did!  We're only 10 minutes from the hospital but by the time we arrived I was already 5cm dilated.  In between contractions I still felt perfectly normal; later we joked with one of my nurses about how she saw us in the elevator on our way up, we were laughing and trying to remember what floor to go to.  She figured we still had a LONG ways to go.. little did she realize, Owen was on a mission.  Within an hour I was fully dilated!
My nurses jumped into high gear, spotlights were being turned on and they explained to us that our doctor was on Oahu but the on-call doctor was on her way.  I told Derek to give them my birth plan, but at that point it didn't matter.. even if I had wanted an epidural, there wasn't time.  And we were WAY past the point where I wanted to be using a birthing ball or walking halls.  This baby was coming!

Shout out to the best birth partner in the world.  Derek did AWESOME!  Yes, I did the actual pushing but he played a huge roll in it all; I couldn't have done it without him.  I'm sure I squeezed every drop of blood out of his poor hand, but he never asked for it back.  He kept me focused and helped me breathe through each and every contraction.  I brought my Bible, thinking we had a whole night of labor in front of us but Owen had different plans.  Thankfully, Derek was right there beside me calmly saying, 'You can do all things through Christ who gives you strength.'  When I look at my husband now I feel something deeper and stronger than ever before.  Yes, I would still love him even if he had passed out during delivery.  But having him as such an incredible support has made me fall in love on an entirely new level.
After hearing countless stories of labor lasting an entire day or TWO, I'm still a little bit in shock about ours only taking four hours!  I believe prayer made a huge difference!  In the days leading up to delivery I heard from countless people, friends and family all over the world, that they were lifting us up in prayer!  When we went into the hospital Derek let one of our 'Aunties' know and within minutes people from our church were praying and some even came to the waiting room.  The amount of support and love we felt (and continue to feel) is incredible and humbling.  We are abundantly blessed!  Like a broken record, the only thing I could think to say that night was 'Jesus, give me strength.'  Over and over and over.  And He did.. oh, He did!
Isaiah 40:29 'He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak..' 

People ask about the pain and I don't really have a good answer for them.  Turns out, it's true what they say about forgetting it all.  They wiped Owen off, set him on my stomach and I melted into a huge puddle of love.  Cheesy, I know.. but in that moment, I thought my heart would explode.  I still had a pretty tight grip on Derek's hand and if not for that I may have just floated away, that's how amazing it feels to see your son for the very first time!
God's timing is perfect and I'm so thankful He had his way with our week.  I'm so thankful for His hand on Owen's life and His incredible presence throughout his birth.  I'm blown away by my God and the miracle of life He has entrusted us with.  I have a whole slew of Owen stories, but those will have to wait till next time..
Psalm 18:29-31 '..with my God I can scale any wall.  As for God, His way is perfect.  All the LORD's promises prove true.  He is a shield for all who look to Him for protection.  For who is God except the LORD? Who but our God is a solid rock?  God arms me with strength; He has made my way safe.'
To God be the glory!!

Leonardo's labor-less week..

Trust me, I made a valiant attempt at having a baby this week.  Apparently the little man is on his very own birthing schedule; my efforts failed to faze him!  So, in place of the exciting labor and delivery escapades I know you're anxious to hear, I'll simply have to regale you with tales of an 'average' labor-less week!  

Monday found us at the coffee farm.  A solid day of weed whacking seemed like the perfect outlet for this prego's impressive stores of energy.  Yes, I'll admit, we were also secretly hoping it would spur on the contractions.  But the end result was not the trip to the delivery room we were so eagerly anticipating.  The only proof of a full day's work, apart from beautifully cleared rows of coffee trees, were my swollen ankles and an apetite rivalling that of a hippo!  Derek grilled cheeseburgers and we finished off the day with homemade peach cobbler and the knowledge that, try as we might to intervene, the timing will remain in God's hands. 

                                       

Landscaping jobs are keeping my husband fairly busy these days.  He even has his own business cards, now!  While he is out beautifying the properties of Kona I am left to my own devices.  This means I do all that I can to stay active, productive and not obsessing over when I'll finally go into labor!  I clean, do laundry, bake, pull weeds and go on long walks.  I read books and re-pack the hospital bag. This week I attempted a crafty project; homemade signs that I want to hang in the living room and nursery upon their completion.  With paint brush in hand and my piano station cranked up on Pandora I felt like quite the Leonardo!  My paint shirt doesn't fit quite like it used to, though and I had to scrub quite a bit of paint off my belly that night. 

There was a change in plans for Derek's Wednesday job so we headed to the coffee farm again.  This was a very wise choice as it prevented me and my newly discovered artsy side from taking on the repainting of the entire apartment!  An awesome friend from church came out to help us weed whack and we powered through an impressive amount of rows!  I did better at thinking non-labor related thoughts and just enjoying the day.  But as the rain started pouring down that afternoon I did find myself wondering if I'd be able to tell when my water broke because I was already sopping wet from head to toe!  

We really do have peace about the remaining days on the pregnancy calendar and know that He has the perfect plan.  But, that doesn't keep us from a few other quirky attempts of our own.  Derek brought home a soursop for our eating privileges.  This exotic fruit resembles a giant, spiked pickle and has a slimy taste similar to that of a banana/pineapple.  Through our Googling research we discovered that, among other things, soursop could be the cure for cancer and might induce labor!  'Oh, how incredibly convenient', I said!  Unfortunately, we could now be featured on myth-busters for that theory..

Derek's been eyeing a new camera for awhile but knew that the purchasing couldn't happen until we sold our current camera.  So, with our first born son on the brink of arrival.. my husband listed the camera online.  And it sold the same day!  I was convinced that would be all the prompting this baby needed.  "Oh, my parents are camera-less, here I come!!" But, he proved us wrong once again and this time I was grateful; camera phones can only do so much.  Not to worry, we are now the proud owners of a very snazzy new picture taker that only Derek could explain the true capabilities of.  It will document the arrival of our son, and that's all that matters to me.

[39 1/2 weeks]

Other excitement in the week that did NOT prompt anything labor related: a stroll downtown on the fourth, our favorite clam chowder and a great fireworks show!  The arrival of fun baby packages in the mail.  A hilarious attempt to chase a bird out of the church sanctuary; Derek and I were hopping from seat to seat, waving brooms in the air!  Finally the little guy landed, just as exhausted as we were, and I was able to scoop him up and take him outside.  After church yesterday people started placing bets on when Owen will make his grand entrance; there's over $20 in the pot so the pressure is on now!!

Here's the moral of this week's story.  Amidst all the hype and unknown and 24/7 wondering of the past few days, I come to a new understand of God as my Rock.  He is unchangeable, the only constant in all the variables of this life.  I've been searching out 'labor verses' and it's incredible how many times and in how many ways the Bible reminds me of the steadfast, unfailing faithfulness and love of my King.  In the Psalms alone I've found enough verses to accompany me through multiple hours of contractions as well as these last few days of waiting FOR the contractions, which is painful in its own way!!  God is my Refuge, my Rescuer, His love never ends, His mercies are always knew.  He gives me strength, He enables me!  And that's just a few of His amazing promises, from just one book of the Bible!!  The wealth at my fingertips is truly unfathomable.. I could pack an entire hospital bag just with memory verse cards, but I'll just take my Bible.. :)

So, YES, I'm ready to meet my son.  And, call me crazy, but I'm feeling excited about facing the contractions and conquering this unknown.  We may have to wait a few more days or even a week.. or more (I shouldn't even type that!) BUT God is in charge and He will equip me for all that is to come.  And when I'm starting to think I can't take it any longer, the waiting or the laboring, these are the words I will cling to...  

'The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.' Psalm 18:2

Taste & See!

'Taste and see that the Lord is good..'  Psalm 34:8  This verse shadowed me throughout the entire week; popping into my head at any given moment, showing up in my devotion or 'just happening' to be on the page my Bible fell open to.  But what exactly do these words mean?!  Taste and sight are proof of something tangible, yet God is invisible.  To taste and see something is to experience it.  But how do I experience the goodness of the Lord?  Well, the verse doesn't say 'Sit back, relax and know that the Lord is good..' it uses action words.  Taste!  See!  I can listen to hundreds of stories about the vibrant beauty of the ocean but it won't become reality until I see it with my own eyes and experience it.  In the same way, it doesn't matter how many pictures I see of delicious, juicy mangos- I won't know how they taste until I actually sink my teeth into one.  The psalmist urges us to take these same actions when it comes to knowing the goodness of God.  We need to take a bite, we need to open our eyes!

[amazing morning at the beach]

As I went through the week it was my goal to truly open myself up to experiencing God's goodness; becoming more aware.  And, although I'm just at the tip of the iceberg, I'm realizing how much I take Him for granted.  I asked God to open my eyes to 'see' His goodness in my life and I was continually being humbled by a new understanding of how BLESSED I am.  He is always with me, always working on my behalf and orchestrating the most minute details of my life.  He's molding me, placing me into situations that will allow me to grow.  He's blessing my socks right off!!  Yet, I fail to realize that all these things are HIM!  This week I sunk my teeth into the depth of His Word, into an appreciation of all He's doing in my life (and also into several juicy mangos :) and I recognized the taste for what it truly is: the goodness of God!

--gorgeous hibiscus--

We don't have a porch at the apartment but I set up my beach chair at the top of the steps and spent several evenings out there.  It's so easy to get wrapped up in things I need to do, places I need to go or even a favorite TV show I want to watch.  But taking time to sit in His presence made a significant difference in my days.  I listened as the birds sang their last songs and I watched the night chase away all the colors on the horizon.  I had a front row seat to the gorgeous double rainbow that came out after a rain storm.  A few verses before the one that followed me through the week is another verse that says 'the earth is full of His unfailing love.' Psalm 33:5  I realized this in a new way this week.  I 'saw' that unfailing love in encouragement from a friend.  I 'tasted' His goodness in moments of uncontrollable laughter with Derek or the realization that God had provided for our needs yet again.  He is truly everywhere, but it's up to us to grasp that!

Week 38 has come and (almost) gone without any new developments.  Everyone is sharing their tried and true methods for going into labor but I'm convinced that this little man is on his very own time table and I will not be resorting to castor oil, thank you very much :)  He'll come when he wants and until then I just continue to live as 'normal' as possible.  Although I still have the occasional, slightly irrational urge to clean any and every surface within reach, the nesting instinct showed itself more this week through my need to BAKE.  Cookies, bran muffins, home made lasagna for the freezer; you get the picture.  We are stocked up and ready for this baby to come!  Derek was slightly offended that I seemed to think he would be incapable of preparing even one meal on his own, but I think he's secretly glad to have some easy options in the freezer.  And, speaking of 'tasting', I KNOW he doesn't mind the pies!  

So, we're jumping into a new week and I know God has an abundance of goodness for Derek and I to taste and see!  That may or may not include the birth of our son.. you'll have to check back next week to find out :)