Step up.. got it!

The blank page stretches out before me.  The cursor's monotonous blink, blink, blink begs me to type something.. anything.  'Write a new post' has been repeatedly bumped down on my pesky to-do list.  The diapers need changing, laundry needs folding, floors desperately need sweeping, bills have to be paid and I could really use a nap; there's no time to write, at least, that's my excuse.  The truth: I'm simply struggling with finding the words to describe my feelings of late.
I'm stuck in the story of Esther.  It's a multi-layered story that continues to teach me life lesson after life lesson.  What I keep coming back to this time around is found in chapter four.  Esther has been briefed on the plot to wipe out her people, the Jews, and Mordecai has presented his request for her to go before the king to plead for mercy.  Not such a simple task when you realize that anyone who comes to the king uninvited is to be put to death UNLESS he extends 'the golden scepter' to them.  Yikes.  This brings us to verse 14, which I've been mulling over the past few days.  'For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father's family will perish.  And who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this?'  At first glance this verse was irrelevant; I love my life but, let's face it, I'm not exactly in a position to change the world!  I tried to move on but the Holy Spirit had other ideas.  So I came back for a second look, and a third.  I have yet to fully grasp every implication, but here's where I'm at..
The plans of God will be carried out, His purpose will prevail, with or without ME.  He longs for me to be a part of those plans and has already prepared specific works for me to step into! 'For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.' Ephesians 2:10  But I can choose to go my own way.  Esther didn't have to step up; God would have found an alternate way to deliver His people.  But she would have missed out, and at the expense of her family!
'Okay,' I said, 'I'll step up.. got it!'  But the lesson was far from over.
That last sentence plays through my mind like a broken record, 'And who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this?'  My position is not exactly 'royal' but is it possible that I have arrived at this specific time of life for a certain reason?  For such a time as this.  Has God been preparing me, throughout my entire life, to step into the role of wife?  And now mother?  Absolutely!  I'm reading 'The Ministry of Motherhood', thanks to an amazing cousin, and learning that this is truly part of my calling!

God is at work in me and through me as I journey through life with Derek and now Owen, investing in the lives of those around me.  He has brought me to this time and place for a reason and I must choose whether or not I will make the most of every opportunity; stepping up because I don't want to miss out.  Stepping up because there is much more at stake here; my decisions affect my family which, in turn, will affect countless lives.  Changing the world is an overwhelming job and that's why God has simply asked me to love one person at a time.  To take it one day at a time.  Stepping up even when it's scary.  Realizing the importance of my role, my calling and the countless ways God has prepared me 'for such a time as this'.
My baby will be almost 7 weeks old by the time I actually click the 'publish' button on this post.  He has officially discovered the smiling muscles!  His grins are no longer the few and far between result of (lets be honest) gas.. but a genuine response to interaction with Dad, Mom and Grandma!  Needless to say, these smile sessions are a highlight of everyone's day!

It's incredible to witness Owen's constant development.  He becomes stronger and more alert every day and has become quite the practiced grunter, his preferred form of communication.  It's also amazing to realize our own development as parents!  There are still (and probably always will be) an overwhelming amount of unknowns.  But our knowledge and ability has quadrupled in the past six and a half weeks.  Running errands is no longer a nightmare, and we've had several successful trips to the beach!  I wouldn't exactly label our days 'scheduled', but as Owen and I continue to figure each other out things begin to flow more smoothly.. almost as though we were made 'for such a time as this'!

boys at the beach! 

This week we were blessed by another Grandma visit!!  She filled Owen's kiss quota for several months, treated us to sushi and bushwhacked her way through the jungle in search of macadamia nuts!  We drank out of coconuts, shopped for the next size of baby clothes and accompanied Derek to a few of his landscaping jobs.. for quality control, of course :)  We are so incredibly grateful for our amazing family and can't wait to continue introducing Owen to all the rest of you!  

Coffee is ripening and the first round has been picked at the farm!!  Unfortunately, Owen and I aren't much help at this point and we've only been able to find one picker (we were hoping for more like.. 10?!) So we are unsure of what will come of this harvest.  We know God is in control, though!  

Derek's latest undertaking is the art of tree climbing, a.k.a he's becoming an arborist.  There's a significant need for this on the island because no one wants a palm frawn (branch) or coconut falling on their head or the head of someone at their resort!  They also don't have a way to access said coconuts when the palms reach 50+ feet into the sky!  This is where Derek comes in.  He purchased the necessary equipment, (on day 1 I found him practicing on the neighbor's telephone pole!) and has successfully completed his first job!  He was most definitely made 'for such a time as this' and I love seeing him embrace new ideas and undertakings.  I am, once again, inspired by my husband's initiative and willingness to step up. 

I love being married to Derek.  I love being Owen's mom.  We are on an incredible adventure here in Hawaii!!  But what I find truly incredible is the fact that God is at work and has extended an invitation to ME to take part in that work!  He's been preparing me from the beginning.  And what I face today is in preparation for what is yet to come.  It's never 'just another day'.. but an opportunity to step up and be used by God to change the world, one day (and one life) at a time. 

A little about love <--

At the end of 1 Corinthians 12, Paul tells us he will 'show us the most excellent way'.. prelude for chapter 13, the famous 'love chapter'.  I've learned a lot about love in the past few weeks. Yes, we've all seen the artsy wall plaques: 'love is patient, love is kind, love never fails..'  We have these words read at weddings.  But how do they translate to real life situations?  It's easy to say 'love' when the sun is shining and she's positively radiant in that beautiful white dress.  But what about at 3AM when her hair is a mess and she can't get the baby back to sleep?  Love says 'I'll take a turn..'

Love is not an emotion or feeling, it is a choice.  The ultimate example of this is our Savior.  God made the choice; to love me, to love you.  He chose to give, to sacrifice His all even though He knew that each of us could make the choice to reject and deny Him, to break His heart.  That was a risk He was willing to take; God IS love.
Love believes in you when you've given up on yourself.  Love picks you up, dusts you off and reminds you that it's a new day.  Love never fails.  The all-consuming, overwhelming yet subtle and gentle way of our God: that is love.  Love builds up.  Love is affirming.  Love says, 'You have what it takes!'

The beautiful, priceless moments of the past few weeks were made complete because of love.  We survived the difficult, tear-filled nights because of love.  Love reminds me on a daily basis that I will never be given more than I can handle, that His grace is sufficient.  It's the whisper in the middle of the night, saying 'Love, because I first loved you'.  I look at my husband, at my son and my heart overflows; yet Love reminds me that His love is incredibly higher, wider and deeper than what I feel!

We are called to follow the example of Jesus, imitating this love (Ephesians 5:1-2).  And that is the kind of man I am married to, the kind of love I am blessed to experience on a daily basis.  Love comes home from working all day and starts making dinner.  Love gives without expecting anything in return, even when it's the last scoop of ice cream.  Love encourages.  Love gives me a reason to laugh and gets me outside to watch the sunset and decompress.  Love will rock Owen while I take a shower.  Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 

I am in awe of the incredible love of my Savior.  I'm humbled by the love of my husband.  Jesus has also called ME to a life of love, to be kept up all night and yet start the next day with a smile.  Love keeps no record of wrongs or poopy diapers.  Love sees incredible potential in even the tiniest life and does all it can to help that potential be realized.  To love is to be vulnerable and honest and have part of your heart living outside your body.  Love may not always have the right answer, but it will never give up.  Love is a choice, 'the most excellent way' and I learn a little more about love every day. 

His words & His strength

When you have a four week old baby, things tend to blur around the edges.  Days fly by to the tune of feeding after feeding, diaper after diaper.  I'm learning the importance of grabbing onto a moment and truly cherishing it before it's whisked away, nothing but a sweet memory.  Owen's quickly filling out these newborn outfits; a bitter-sweet reminder that there is no 'pause button'.  Each snuggle session must be relished.  Every day is irreplaceable.

I wish I could say this was always my mindset.  Unfortunately, I must admit to moments of frustration.  Gently tucking him into his crib, I'll tip toe back to my own bed and slip under the covers.  One one thousand, two one thousand, three one thousand... sleep is a breath away.  And then he realizes I'm no longer holding him; the gig is up.  My back aches and my neck has a golf ball sized kink in it.  Yet, I'd rather walk across hot coals then listen to that cry for extended periods of time.  Yes, there is a time and a place for the 'cry it out' method, but we haven't arrived there quite yet.

Do I miss sleep?  Of course.  Is it worth it?  Absolutely!

Owen and Daddy <3

Babies don't come with instructions.  Sure, the 'experts' can explain about their different needs in a tidy, 'checklist' style: Is baby hungry?  How's the diaper situation?  Is he tired?  Does he have gas?  This all makes perfect sense at prenatal class.  But then it's real life and you've scored an A+ on the 'checklist' but your little angel still feels the strong urge to cry and you're thinking you might just cry with him!  There's not always a simple solution for a fussy baby.  The good news is, for the most part, these moments are few and far between in the Pearl house.  Owen is a champ and usually a very happy baby.
Lack of sleep has made for some hilarious moments.  Owen's umbilical cord finally detached from his cute little belly button and he's enjoyed taking 'big boy' baths.  The strange part is that we simply found the stump sitting on the kitchen counter one morning!  None of us have any recollection of how it came to be there.  Needless to say, coffee is now a necessity in these parts!  Unfortunately, I made the mistake of waiting until late in the evening to indulge in my very first caffeinated cup.  We were playing cards and it was the perfect occasion.  I was re-thinking that decision at one o'clock in the morning, however, as I bounced off the walls and folded laundry!  Speaking of laundry, there's no shortage in this house.  We've successfully transitioned into cloth diapers and it's almost as if I can hear our bank account thanking us!  Derek's even tackled a few of Owen's 'blowouts' and is stronger because of it :)

[three week picture.. pound it!]

On the way to Owen's three week check-up we guessed how much he would weigh.  Mom said 8.7, Derek thought 8.9.. and they both called me crazy for guessing 9.1.  I told them not to underestimate my back muscles, which inform me of his weight on a regular basis!  And... he was exactly nine pounds and one ounce!  It's amazing to see the changes happening daily.  He's very alert, growing like a weed and has officially discovered his tongue.  Now that he's filling out and has some cheeks people are beginning to see the resemblance to his mom, not sure how I feel about that!  (Kidding!!) 

My Mom left yesterday and I'm still in denial.  We had a wonderful time together; daily walks on my favorite jungle trail, brownies and card games at night, a pedicure date complete with champagne!  She was an enormous help, but what I will miss more than the folded laundry and extra pair of hands is her presence.  There's just something about Mom that nothing else can replace or duplicate.

Which brings me back to where we started.  I am Owen's mom and I'm beginning to grasp the incredible honor, blessing and challenge that accompanies my new title.  I read in 1 Peter 4:11 that 'if anyone speaks, they should do so as one who speaks the very words of God.  If anyone serves, they should do so with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ.'  This really gave me some perspective for my new role.  Many people will speak into Owen's life but none of them will say quite as much as I will; may I embrace every opportunity to speak the words of God to my tiny son.  May my speech be filled with grace and love, even at three in the morning!  And as I serve, which I now understand is what moms do all day, every day- may it be with the strength Jesus gives me.  It MUST be with that strength or, as I've already discovered, it's easy to burn out.  But with His words and by His strength, each day is filled with incredible potential and is an amazing journey.