a cinnamon raisin revelation!

Early morning has never been my cup of tea.  But I must admit to a growing fondness for what had previously been termed 'that ungodly hour of the day'!  Several times this week I was awakened at 5am by my sweet son's cry.  Upon arriving at his crib, however, I would find him fast asleep!  At this point I had a decision to make; crawl back under the covers or embrace the day.  There was certainly a few mornings where the covers won out.  But, the times I chose to relish the quiet beginnings of a new day were, by far, my favorite!

Sitting on the ground, wrapped tight in a blanket, I gazed up at the twinkling of a few remaining stars making their exit into the awakening horizon.  God is incredibly romantic.  Another of my mornings included a latte and cinnamon raisin bagel.  As I spread on the cream cheese I asked God to please speak to me as I opened up my Bible.  Before I even got to my chair I already had David and Goliath in mind, so that's where I turned.
Let me just say, I have never seen things from Saul's point of view.  Until last Tuesday, that is!  I love that this Book is ever changing, always offering new revelation to those willing to dive in!  And this particular read through had me empathizing with King Saul.  Two armies are at a stand still.  The Philistines have sent out their champion; a monstrous giant of a man, spewing obscenities and calling down curses on Yahweh.  And now Israel's representative is supposed to take to the field.  This battle tactic wasn't necessarily to see which side could produce the better warrior.  This was a common method of warfare; the armies' way of surrendering the outcome of the battle to their gods.  Saul was well aware and yet he doesn't send anyone out.  The taunting continues for 40 days, morning and evening!
Enter David, the sheep herder.  Little brother is bringing rations to his siblings on the battle field.  He overhears Goliath's spiel and is utterly shocked upon realizing that Israel has no response!  'Who is this uncircumcised Philistine that he should defy the armies of the living God?'  1 Samuel 17:26  Word gets back to Saul that this son of Jesse is fired up and the King sends for him, to clarify, 'You are not able to go out against this Philistine and fight him; you are only a young man, and he has been a warrior from his youth.' 1 Sam. 17:33  And yet, David convinces him otherwise!  He assures King Saul that he's killed his fair share of wild animals and 'The Lord who rescued me from the paw of the lion and the paw of the bear will rescue me from the hand of this Philistine.' 1 Sam 17:37

This is where I began to realize why God had me reading this.  The sleep training continues this week and, although things have improved dramatically, I would definitely consider this one of the more 'monstrous giants' we've faced.  It is extremely difficult for this mama to kiss her little boy, tuck him in for a nap and then leave the room.  No, I don't leave him in there to cry for hours on end.  But, I will let him 'work things out' on his own, simply going in for the occasional 'sh, sh, sh' ing and retrieving of the pacifier that he has managed to fling out of the crib!  This process can be quite lengthy and I start convincing myself that I should really just pick him up and rock him to sleep...
But lets jump back to 1 Samuel where Saul is busy outfitting David in his own armor.  The shepherd boy takes one lap around the tent and says (my paraphrase) 'Oh, that ain't happenin'!'  His weapon of choice ends up being a simple sling and five smooth stones.  Hardly par for the course, in Saul's opinion.  David's armor, well.. in his own words to Goliath, 'You come against me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the LORD Almighty, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defiled.' 1 Samuel 17:45  This 'simple shepherd boy' (future king of Israel!) knows Who has his back.  And Saul is watching from the side lines, anxiously gnawing off a few fingernails!

You all know how the story ends.. David slings a single stone into the giant's forehead and then uses Goliath's sword to cut off his head!  The victory belongs to God and the Philistines tuck tail and run, only to be pursued and slaughtered by a re-inspired Israelite army.  But as I pored over these words this particular morning, I felt God impress upon me this truth: I can not fight Owen's battles for him, as much as I want to.  Gulp!  Life is a journey and full of obstacles that must be overcome.  Of course, as a mother I will do everything in my power to 'shelter' this little man from all unnecessary pain and hardship.  But the truth is: it's inevitable!  Owen will face scary, hard and seemingly insurmountable obstacles.  It breaks my heart to realize this.  But at the same time, this fact is what makes parenting so incredibly exciting and vital!  It is up to Derek and I to raise up a warrior, one that knows Who has his back and gives him the strength to overcome!

This may seem a bit extreme.  After all, we're just talking about nap time!  And yet, I believe God is preparing me for a lifetime of obstacles to be conquered; allowing my son the space to discover his own strengths!  He is gently bringing it to my attention that for all the times requiring intervention there will be an equal amount of instances where, like it or not, I will need to let Owen learn the lesson himself.  His battles can not be won by layering on all of MY armor, in fact, that will only drag him down.  I can, however, live by example, praying that he will add to his own arsenal the weapons he sees his Dad and I utilize on a regular basis.  The rest is up to God and I know that His love is higher than the heavens, His faithfulness reaching to the skies.. Psalm 108:4

                                         

I got a little carried away with my story telling, so here's the short and sweet version of the rest of our week..
Derek continues to stay busy with landscaping, tree work and coffee.  And when he is unsure of what he will fill his day with we've learned to simply tell God.  My favorite example from last week: over breakfast Derek prayed that God would give him something to do, that he might be productive that day.  The phone literally went off within 10 minutes; friends from church wondering when Derek might be able to fit them into his schedule.  They wanted him to trim their monstrous guava tree!  'Hmm.. how does today sound!?" :)  God is so good!

We ventured to the northern part of the island this weekend to satisfy my 'fall' cravings!  As you can tell from the pictures, the pumpkin patch, corn maze and sunflower fields were exactly what I was hoping for!!  Derek also surprised me with a stop at my favorite spot for crepes!  And Owen remedied the long lines and anxious customers with his sweet, cooing 'hi' sounds!  He truly is our little beam of sunshine.  We're not the only ones partial to this little man, either!  Our tiny son acquired several girlfriends this week.  One little lady flirted with him throughout the entire church service, and his 'older' (four year old) sweetheart sat us down at the bookstore and instructed Owen in the ways of chameleons!  

 What a great God we serve!  May we go into this new week with the confidence that He will give us exactly what we need to face whatever giant blocks our path.  Whether that's the unknowns of the future, surrendering our need to be in control or simply learning how to take a nap.  And, for the record, I just put Owen in his crib.. he let me know his objections, resigned himself to sucking on his hand and was asleep in less than 3 minutes!  So proud of my little warrior.
When approaching Goliath, it says David 'ran quickly to the battle line to meet him'.  He was confident that his God had it under control.  (Or he knew that he was less likely to throw up if he just started running... )  May this be true in our lives; as we embrace the challenges life throws our way, may it be with an attitude that makes the world acknowledge something more powerful at work within us, someone much greater fighting on our behalf.  As David said, 'All those gathered here will know that it is not by sword or spear that the LORD saves; for the battle is the LORD's..' 1 Samuel 17:47 

sleep training, Hägen-Dazs & the other me!

Raw honesty: this is what I crave and yet shrink from on a daily basis.  This is a trait I see in all those I truly admire; the ability to 'tell it like it is'.  My role models are not afraid to speak truth.  They are the ones I go to when I need a straight answer, no beating around the bush.  And yet, I find myself sorely lacking in this department.  I'm a people pleaser, a cup-half-full kind of girl. I cringe at the mere whiff of conflict.  Now, I'm not saying there's anything wrong with a positive attitude, as long as it's not fake.  Nothing wrong with saying "It's all good" until it's not all good.  It is incredibly humbling to open up to someone, to admit to struggles and frustrations.

We've been doing a little 'sleep training' at the Pearl house and it's bringing out both the best and worst.  Our sweet son is 14 weeks old and so much stronger than I give him credit for.  The mother bear instinct demands my immediate response when he cries; that is how God designed me.  And yet, we've arrived at the place where I believe he is capable of soothing himself (when all other needs have been met) and learning to fall asleep on his own.  It's not been an easy week, and yet we are seeing enormous progress and I am incredibly proud of that little man!  (So, maybe it's brought out his best and my worst!?)

There were certainly a few days, however, where Derek came home to a grouchy son and a wrung-out wife.  His response: a listening ear and a pint of Häagen-Dazs ice cream.  (Sorry ladies, you can't have him!)  My husband is incredible.  He is also one of those aforementioned people that tells it like it is.  And I needed that this week.  To be reminded that 'the book' (whichever one I happen to be basing my actions upon at the moment) is simply a guideline.  To be told that my feelings may be a bit extreme and yes, actually, it IS crazy to assume I can figure it all out in just one week. 

I wouldn't consider myself a particularly stubborn person.  This week, however, revealed another side of me.  A side with a desperate need to appear as though she has it all together.  (I don't fully want to claim her as ME; referring to her in the third person somehow makes it easier to admit these truths.)  I've never been a mom before and yet this other me feels guilty for not having all the answers.  Okay, if we're being honest, for having NO answers and wanting to pull my (her) hair out!  I held out for several unnecessary days before reaching out to other moms for thoughts, experience and advice.  

Thankfully, upon sucking it up and forming those dreaded words 'I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!' the responses were full of grace, encouragement and, surprisingly, admittance that at one point or another, they had also questioned their sanity.  And yes, they told me, it is all worth it and you're doing just fine!

My Abba, the God of the universe, can also be counted on for His incredible honesty.  On a particularly rough morning this week, with tears in my eyes, I sat down to read a few Psalms and was reminded of His unfathomable love, unprecedented faithfulness and immovable strength.  He is my Rock and Shelter no matter what may besiege me.  And yet His message was delivered with a humorous twist as I realize these words were written by a man being hunted and facing innumerable odds, a man in grave danger!  If God was there for David how can I possibly question His ability to handle my problems?!  He acknowledges that this is a 'battle' in my book and yes, He will meet me where I'm at.  But I do picture a bit of a smile on his face as He gently says 'Daughter, I've handled more daunting problems than nap time..'

When Owen isn't fighting sleep he is the epitome of JOY!  It's incredible how someone so tiny can make such a significant impact on his surroundings!  His 'talking' and big, gummy smiles are day makers.  When greeted by an extremely negative atmosphere in the post office a few days ago, Owen went straight to work with his charm and sweet cooing sounds.  Before we made our exit everyone in the room was smiling.
What else is new with Owen?  He met one set of great grandparents via Facetime.  His hair is getting lighter.  And he has very ticklish ribs!  Sucking on his hands has been a favorite pass time the last few weeks, but just yesterday he discovered his thumb and he's enthralled.

I'm learning to savor my evenings.  Once we kiss Owen and tuck him in for the night it is extremely tempting to tuck myself in as well.  I resist (most nights!) because not only is 7:30 a little pre-mature for bedtime, but Derek and I need time as 'just us'.  Whether drinking coffee and talking about our days, watching a movie or playing cribbage and eating m&m's..  I cherish these times with my best friend.  I NEED those times.  Marriage doesn't go on hold once you become parents, a fun hobby that you'll pick back up once the kiddos leave for college.  Being able to parent to the best of our ability stems from a healthy relationship with God and each other.  And that requires effort, commitment, staying up a little bit later and, on occasion, a beat down in cards :)

In the same way that I need to invest in my husband, I need quality time with Jesus!  He's been beckoning to me through His amazing creation this week.  Alright, I'll be honest.. I actually ventured outside in the wee hours of the morning for a banana.  But, once I was out there and saw the glorious array of twinkling lights I couldn't help but sit down and gaze at the heavens.  God is so magnificent!  The sunsets have been especially wonderful this week as well.  They actually stop me in my tracks and I can't help but say 'Wow, God.. you did it again!'
Psalm 19:1 'The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of His hands.' 

My un-prayed prayers?!

I've never been one to experience homesickness.  But moving to Hawaii has made me realize how much I took for granted the drastic change of seasons in Colorado.  Granted, most of the time summer turns straight to winter where I grew up!  But nothing beats fall in the mountains and lately I find my thoughts dwelling on crunchy, golden Aspen leaves, cozy scarves and crisp mountain air.  It never occurred to me that I could ask God for fall because, well, I live in Hawaii!
The last few weeks, however, have been rainy, cloudy and... surprisingly fall-like!  I've taken FULL advantage; lighting candles at every possible moment, baking pumpkin muffins, pumpkin pancakes for dinner and trading my well worn shorts and flip flops in for TOMS and, much to Derek's chagrin, a favorite pair of jeans!  ('Why would anyone choose to wear anything but shorts?!?', he says!)  God truly knows every nook and cranny of my heart!

Here's the thing, though.. I'm completely fickle and after three rainy weekends in a row I found myself lamenting how we haven't been to the beach 'in ages'!!  Oh Jesus, thank You for being so patient with me!  So, last weekend we made our way to the water before those rain clouds had a chance to roll in and had a glorious time!  Derek isn't a particularly huge fan of snorkeling unless he is armed with his spear gun (which is currently out of order) so he hung out with Owen while I dove in.  Have I mentioned how much I LOVE living on this island?!  The ocean temps are equivalent to Owen's bath water, the coral creations are magnificent and the schools of fish come in every shape, size and color!
There is certainly a first time for everything and this particular beach day that 'eveything' happened to be leaving the diaper bag at home.  But, like everything else on this journey called life, we said 'Well, we'll wing it!' and Owen certainly had no qualms about going au naturale for a bit!  He also loved floating in the water.  And Kai, who usually hangs out where he can touch, decided to one-up the baby and did a little 'deep' water swimming of his own!  Bravo, pup!

Another desire that I had yet to voice to my Papa was the need for other young moms in my life.  I never thought to pray about this because I have several incredible ladies in our church family that I consider both friends and mentors!  Yet, in the past few months God has brought several young mothers into my life, and I'm realizing this is exactly what my heart has been longing for!!  To be able to compare diaper rash creams and swap labor stories!  It's a breath of fresh air to be asked how my day was and be able to honestly respond, 'Well, I've been pooped on, spit up on and I broke all the rules and rocked my baby to sleep because he's THAT sweet!'  To be built up and encouraged by women of God giving their all to raise up godly men and women to lead this next generation!  Thank you, God.. for knowing me better than I know myself; for answering my un-prayed prayers.

All this rain did mean a few less work days for Derek, but Owen and I certainly didn't mind the extra family time or a lunch date at our favorite Thai restaurant!  We take life one day at a time around here and wouldn't want it any other way.  Our tiny son is three months old today.  It's amazing how much our life has changed in that time.  We laugh a little more, sleep a little less and find ourselves completely in awe of our God and this miracle He has blessed us with!  Owen is discovering his vocal chords and his hands; he is in constant motion.  He follows us with his eyes (especially as I leave the room at nap time!) and we've decided he is exceptionally smart! :) As I reflect on our days and see all the ways God meets our needs and then goes SO FAR BEYOND, answering prayers I've never even prayed, I am humbled. We serve a Mighty God; a God that truly KNOWS us!!
Psalm 139:1-4 'You have searched me, LORD, and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.  You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.  Before a word is on my tongue you, LORD, know it completely.'

Then I had Owen..

I've been putting this post off for awhile because.. let's face it, my tiny son is a hard act to follow!!

 [Just look at that face!]

Owen, however, is a bit preoccupied.  He's learned to suck on his hands, which means you're stuck with my version of our days..  

It's not that I ever disliked babies, but I was never crazy about them for extended periods of time.  I enjoyed holding them, but only for a few minutes.  I'd run through my portfolio of goofy faces and exhaust my 'baby talk' knowledge, then pass them along to the next pair of waiting arms.  The 'Bethel: Mom Edition' I would picture in my mind always included older kids.. at least ones that were walking and talking.  Babies are sweet, I'd say, but they're not really 'fun' until they can fly kites and use sidewalk chalk!

Then I had Owen.

And all those preconceived notions of mine flew right out the window.

He may not know English yet, but we carry on conversations all day long.  He may not be mobile but we manage to do our fair share of exploring.  He likes the jungle and swinging.  He critiques my baking skills on a daily basis.  Owen assists with the laundry folding, read here: we make forts out of the clean sheets!  And on rainy afternoons you'll find us crooning out Jack Johnson melodies and, when he'll allow it, snuggling.  We lay in his ocean (playmat) and read Bible stories- we're all the way up to Joshua! And I never get tired of those little fingers wrapped around mine. 

I was made for many things, some of which I have yet to discover, but becoming a mom has filled me in ways I didn't realize needed filling!  The sense of purpose my new 'role' has given me is absolutely incredible.  God designed me with Owen in mind and I wouldn't trade our days for anything.  I didn't know I was made to be a mom.. but the One who made me knew!

Derek doesn't get to spend as much time with Owen as I do.  But he more than makes up for it when he is home.  Those two... I tell you what, I have my work cut out for me :)  I've learned that when they're together I can usually count on Owen being naked or close to it.  They've discovered a new favorite sport: riding around the parking lot in a wheelchair, chasing Kai!  And our son's palate has recently been expanded to include watermelon and lemon. 

Owen has the best Dad :)

Between landscaping, tree trimming and coffee processing Derek's schedule stays full.  He enjoys his days.  Being self-employed is a wondrous thing!  And Owen and I love being able to tag along on occasion.  We even ventured to a new (to us) part of the island this weekend while he bid a tree job!  It's mind-boggling to think that just two years ago we would never have pictured ourselves living in Hawaii or starting a family!  We certainly didn't know that Derek would have his own business or that he would discover new God given abilities on a daily basis while doing work he truly enjoys!  But God knew..  

[ready to work!]

Once again, God is reminding me of the incredible value of THIS moment.  I'm a schemer, a dreamer.. and I often allow myself to get so caught up in tomorrow's plans that I neglect the beauty of today.  Thankfully, He is my Guide and doesn't let me wander aimlessly forever, constructing plans that may never come to pass.  He reminds me that all I have is right now and not to waste it!
We're going through the fruits of the Spirit at church and the message two weeks ago was on peace and this last Sunday was patience.  Talk about spot on.  The Devil didn't want me to hear either teaching; both times I had a completely valid excuse to sit it out.. Owen needed to eat or be bounced (have I mentioned how he moves constantly?!)  And then there was a diaper explosion to deal with.  But, thankfully, I was able to hear both lessons and they were, not surprisingly, exactly what I needed.
In short, when the Holy Spirit of God lives within us we will experience peace that the world cannot take away and does not understand (it surpasses all understanding! Philippians 4:7).  When we are surrendered to Jesus and our lives are directed by His Spirit we are given the strength to be patient.. with one another or with our circumstances, etc.  We can rest in the knowledge that God is in control.  Lamentations 3:24 'I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for Him." 
I don't know what is next for us, I don't even know what I'm making for dinner tonight!  But I'm learning about the peace that remains amidst uncertainty and the patience that takes each day as it comes.. confident to wait on my God, my Portion.  We have no idea of all that the future holds, but.. you guessed it, God knows!  And just like He has faithfully been doing throughout our entire lives, He simply calls us to live right now, embracing each moment, as He prepares us for what is to come.