Gold!

On our ride home this evening, I glanced back at the bike trailer hooked to my bike and saw Owen's arm lovingly draped over Daniel. The one rule while we're out riding is 'Keep your hands to yourself!' because I do not want to pull over on the side of the road and deal with a bloody nose. But this.... well, this was an exception.
And yesterday Owen gave 'Danny Dude', as he calls him, a tiny lick of his ice cream cone. This act of kindness and generosity quickly went south as chunky baby hands grabbed at drippy, chocolate goodness. But these moments, I tell ya what, they are gold.

When I wash Daniel's face after meals he acts like I'm torturing him (wonder where he learned that..) but Owen took charge the other day and scrub-a-dub dubbed without a PEEP of complaint from his little brother.
I sit them across from each other on the rug with a pile of legos in the middle and the chattering, laughing and pterodactyl screeches that ensue is priceless. They genuinely like each other.. most of the time. We have our fair share of toy snatching and hair pulling and jealousy over attention the other is receiving. But the friendship growing between my boys makes my heart glad. The thought of all the adventures to come excites me to no end.

Sometimes our days blur together. Sometimes I'm a hot mess. I literally paid for my groceries last week and then walked away and the cashier had to chase me down and remind me that I didn't pick up any of my bagged purchases! Wow. Distracted much?! But then we sit in the field and pick wildflowers and giggle about beetles and I sense it deep within: fulfillment. These days, these lives entrusted to me, these sweet hands tucked safe into mine... this is gold!

So, here's a letter to my little men. Because one day all that will remain of me is memories of adventures had and the words I took the time to write down..

My Boys,

Oh, how I love you. I have never known a love quite as fierce, yet as tender, as what I feel towards you both. 

The world wants me to tame you, to shove you into their box; they would have you conform and fit in and not ruffle any feathers. But I can’t do it. I can not take away your wild, your sense of adventure, the way you balk at tight spaces and clean faces and ‘inside voices’. You are warriors. In a world of apathy and resignation, you were born to ruffle feathers and make a stand and shout at the top of your lungs. And I love that.

Now, you must know that I can not allow you to become tyrants. I’ll tell you a secret about your Dad: what makes him so irresistible is that hand-in-hand with his ‘wild thing’ personality is the fact that he is, through and through, a gentleman. And that is how I aim to raise you two. I will do my very best not to gasp or nag or squelch any dreams, preposterous as they may seem. But I will also insist on manners and respect and the kind and gentle way that is all but lost in this self-centered world. 

You are so precious to me, tiny sons. I watch you play, listen to you chatter, and memorize your features as you peacefully drift off to sleep. I can only imagine all that you will experience and accomplish in your lifetimes. And the responsibility of raising you up right is one that regularly knocks me off my feet. I am not qualified for this. And yet, I know that if I consistently surrender you back to the One who gifted you to me in the first place, we’ll all be just fine. 

Forgive me for all the ways I will, inevitably, blunder and fail. I am far from perfect… and neither of you came with an instruction manual. May we have grace for one another as we venture down this road together. Know that I do what I do because I love you. Know that I have your best interest in mind and I will fight for you till the very end. 

I will squeeze you tight every chance I get because I know that all of this is preparation for the spreading of your wings to fly. And you will be world changers, there is no doubt about that. You were made for such a time as this and you are each equipped with specific gifts and abilities that will be vital to your generation. 

Being able to disciple you is one of God's greatest gifts to me. Now... lets go adventure some more! 

xoxo

Mommy

The Mission

It seems as though a lifetime has passed since moving back to our small, mountain town/home town. In reality, it's been nine months. We've lived with family, we spent a week in a guest house, we house-sat for family friends through the winter, Derek started his own excavation business, we moved back in with family and now, (ready for this!?) we are living in a motor home INSIDE a shell of a building that looks like a giant, Spanish church. (I mean, honestly, did you expect anything less from us?!)
We're buying said shell from Derek's grandparents and 'the plan' is to frame it in this summer/fall. It's gorgeous. It has enormous potential. We are stoked. And..... I dragged my heels until the last possible minute.

Derek was scheming on this venture right when we moved back in October and I was quick to shut down his idea. I'm usually up for most anything. Jump out of a plane with a parachute on my back..... SURE! Backpack through a foreign country and attempt to converse with the locals and share about Jesus... TOTALLY! Move to the jungle and set up camp in a greenhouse.... YES! But I've put myself through a lot in the past year, including moving our entire life across the ocean and giving birth to our second child. So, as New Years came and went I found myself in a state of despair and desperate for normalcy in any form. This idea of glorified camping in the midst of a construction project seemed like just enough to push me right over the edge.

Fast forward several months to when our house-sitting gig was coming to a close and we were, at last, in the final stages of purchasing a 'normal' house in town. Although it needed some remodeling, we could've moved right in and I was finally seeing a light at the end of this wandering, nomad-style tunnel. And then I had a dream.
Dream-me was in the kitchen of 'The Mission', as this Spanish church shell-of-a-building is called by all the locals, looking out over a grassy courtyard where my boys played. Now, there is currently no kitchen in this building. It is literally cement floor, metal beams and plywood walls stuccoed on the outside. And the real-life courtyard isn't exactly somewhere you want to frolick barefoot. But in my dream all was as it should/could be and I woke feeling enormous peace. We cancelled the contract on the other finished and livable, complete-with-white-picket-fence house, and chose to walk our family down a different path.

[our very favorite place to spend the evening..] 

We moved into The Mission on June 1. We have house plans and hope to start framing soon. We are applying for a rehab loan that would enable us to really expedite the entire process and possibly be in a 'real' house by Christmas. But, plan B is bit-by-bit, as we save the money, doing as much as possible on our own.
Derek has already put in a new driveway, seeded the dirt for grass and planted several trees. We sleep and eat in the motorhome and do most of our living in the shell/courtyard area. It's simple and amazing in many ways. It's also camping with two tiny human beings and I'm learning yet another level of patience and endurance.

The temperature in the building literally varies by 50 degrees every day; up into the 100's in the heat of the day and down into the 50's at night. We have water in the motorhome but still need to haul drinking water. And, although it's possible to shower/bathe in the motorhome, it drains our tank so quickly and we usually head to the ever gracious in-law's for bath/laundry day.
It takes a specific skill set to look at what is not and see what could be. My husband has that gift. And I am learning to trust. I trust that God goes before us and He will make a way. I trust that my husband is not only the most capable and inventive man I know but a true visionary! I can't wait to see what The Mission will be when we are done with it. And I'm excited for the adventure that will be every single day from now until then. Our mission, since we have chosen to accept it, is literally 'The Mission'.

If I had to sum up our adventures in one sentence I believe it would be, 'Why do anything the normal way?' Or maybe, 'You can have the easy route, we'll go ahead and take the hard.. plus all the fantastic stories accompanying it.' But seriously, this is the good stuff! It's crazy. It requires all of us and I will readily admit that I don't easily arrive at the daily choice to embrace this new venture. I am currently chugging water from a gallon jug as my sweat discovers new pores to leak from. But I wouldn't trade this for that white picket fence because I want the stories. I want the adventure. And I have a peace that carries me through the hard, helping me focus on all that is to come and the beauty of right now.
I'll never forget being torn between the life in Hawaii which we absolutely adored and the undeniable call to go 'home' and begin something new. In the midst of this painful decision making process, Derek shared this verse with me from Isaiah 43:19, 'See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.' I will continue to cling to that verse and the Way-Maker as we venture forward and watch Him transform this place (and us) into something awesome!
Stay tuned for more adventures in The Mission.... and pictures of the new casa!