gourmet grilled cheese

All it took was this simple line of lyrics, 'When I am dry You fill my cup..' and the lightbulb clicked on bright and the tears threatened to overflow.  And maybe I should back up a little..
When we arrived at church, Sunday morning, my hair was not brushed and the power point slides were not finished.  Owen was in desperate need of a nap and Derek needed a coffee refill ASAP.  It had been a long week.  An incredible week.  A blessed week.  But still, a very long one and Sunday morning found us completely.. spent.

Turns out, moving day week is exhausting whether you transition to another state or simply, another street.  I am weary.  I've been staying up late, getting up early and unpacking boxes every time Owen takes a nap.  The little man has been a trooper but his internal clock is a little freaked out.  Derek is working like a mad man and my pantry still isn't organized so he's come home to grilled cheese on multiple evenings.  Did I mention I was weary?

And yet it's been such an incredible week.  I could certainly write an entire post about all the goodness; the gorgeous view we look out at every single day, the grass we play in, the sweet baby stories that fill the house.  Our church had a family day this weekend, complete with shaved ice, ping pong competitions and a rented water slide!!  (Derek and I may have had just as much fun as the kids on that slide....)  Goodness.  Abundant goodness.  Friends and coconut cookies and Kai has his very own yard.  I have my very own toaster!  Derek has jobs and more jobs!  And Owen has... frozen teethers, in plenty!

But my neck is still kinked and the laundry is piling as the motivation dwindles.  And it's such an obvious solution to my empty; but it takes a whole week to realize my desperate need to be filled!  The 'E light' has been on for awhile and why am I neglecting it?  My devotional, Jesus Calling, reminds me of Matthew 5:6 'Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.'  And the worship in church reminds me Who it is that fills my cup.  And I ask myself how I got so dry?
Yes, there is the chapter in the morning before rushing off to work and diapers.  And when my 10-12 hour a night baby decides to get up every 2-3 hours I use that Bible app on my phone in attempts to keep my eyes open while he eats.  But I need more.  That's a granola bar to tide me over till dinner which is perfectly fine unless I never actually sit down and EAT dinner!  Girl cannot live on Clif bars alone!

But what's the answer?  Do I get up even earlier?  Stay up later?  Add yet another cup of coffee to my daily intake. (Yikes!)  Do I short Derek the few hours we have of 'just us' in the evenings?  None of these are a solution.  But I go back to that verse in Matthew and it says I need to HUNGER.  I realize that amidst the chaos of the past few days, none of us have been skipping meals.  When we are hungry, we eat.  And the menu is simple but we're taking the time, we're talking about our day; we watch the sunset and we are FILLED.  We open the bottle of wine from our friends and I don't think Pinot Gris is usually paired with grilled cheese, but all of a sudden simple becomes beautiful and gourmet.

In the same way, Jesus longs for me to choose to be with Him, to hunger after righteousness!  And He will meet me where I'm at; simple becoming beautiful and gourmet.  He longs to FILL me.  I can only imagine how it pains him to see me attempting to live out of my own strength when He has SO MUCH MORE to offer.  It's not about length and I don't need another devotional but I must choose to eat.  Gazing at the moon at 4AM I whisper, 'Thank you, Papa!'  Chasing a butterfly with Owen and finally having it land right in front of us, the model of magnificence, I let Owen hear me say it, 'Thank you, Jesus!'  And the dishes can wait a little longer while I spend a few minutes on my knees in the morning.  And I am filled.  The weary is traded for renewal, every time I listen to those hunger pains.

May we look for Jesus in every minute of every day; acknowledging His Spirit at work, thanking Him, taking the time to feast with Him.  And as I do this I feel the load lifting, the spring returning to my step.  I come to Him in simplicity and He makes it gourmet.  He fills me with that SO MUCH MORE and enables me to live fully and give beyond anything I could've given on my own.

It's a beautiful, dewy mist!

I'm taking a break from packing boxes to inform you all that... He's done it again!!  God has gone over and above and beyond my wildest dreams!  And it shouldn't surprise me because it's the story of our lives: His lavish goodness and grace in spite of all our messiness and failures and anxious doubting.  We are moving into a beautiful house tomorrow morning and I am thrilled!!  The timing, provision and love of God is humbling!
We've been praying about this next step for awhile.  I was keeping an open mind in case we found ourselves in another greenhouse.  (Hey, anything is possible!)  But, at the same time, I know nothing is impossible for my God and I had a few specific requests beyond a roof over our head.  Wish list things; running water, a washing machine and a place to sit, cozy, in the mornings drinking coffee and talking with Jesus while the sun comes up.  Oh, and somewhere for Derek to store all his  stuff  very necessary tools, surfboards and various man things.
                                           
Our new accommodations do, indeed, have all the amenities of a 'civilized' house; comforts we've learned not to take for granted- a toilet, a shower, a sink.  This house is beautiful, includes a washer and dryer AND gorgeous view, perfect for my early mornings!  The owners have a keyboard that they're going to leave out for me to use; cherry on top!  They also have a 'man cave' where Derek can store all his stuff very necessary tools, surfboards and various man things :)  Did I mention that I was thrilled?!
Owen is fine with the move as long as we bring Kai, who he is currently obsessed with!  I guess it's true about a boy and his dog.. this baby can't get enough of the pooch!  He's also especially impressed by the color red and enjoys blowing bubbles almost as much as his mom!!  Simple pleasures of life.  This little man is growing faster than I ever thought possible.  He is proudly sporting a few nine month outfits even though I keep reminding him that he's still a week away from the five month milestone!  And after instructing him not to throw his rings off the porch... he threw the rings off the porch.  Ready or not.. here comes Owen! :)

Between landscaping contracts and tree trimming/removal jobs, Derek's schedule is chock full!!  It's incredible to have a front row seat to the flourishing of his business.  My husband works so hard and God blesses so abundantly.  I am incredibly proud and grateful and humbled by it all.  On top of running a business.. or rather, two businesses, wrapping up a coffee harvest, repairing a wood chipper and about 37 other projects, Derek is an incredible daddy and husband.  He loves us so well.  He is a man after God's heart and I am honored to journey through this life with him.
We'll decorate for Christmas once we are settled.  We did do a little Christmas shopping the other day, which is remarkable for several reasons.  Neither Derek or Owen appreciate the fine art of browsing, wandering, dressing rooms and bargain racks.  They are in, out, mission accomplished kind of men.  Shopping is not on their list of leisure activities.  But, this particular day, with vanilla lattes in hand, my boys and I shopped!  We picked out stockings, browsed the ornaments and debated fake tree or real tree.  Last year we didn't do much for decorations because we were unsure of how much longer we'd be on the island.  But here we are, second Christmas in Hawaii and with a baby to boot.. we'll be decorating!

Yesterday morning Derek read to me from James 4, the part about not saying 'Tomorrow we'll go to this city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money."  Because we really 'do not even know what will happen tomorrow.'  And the clincher: 'What is your life?  You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.'  (verses 13 and 14)  We're learning to live in the present.  Don't assume.  Don't take for granted.  Why lose today in the stress of tomorrow?  Live, now!  Cherish.  Be thankful!!  If life is a mist, then we can't afford to waste a single, fleeting moment caught up in worry or fear.  Praying, searching, wondering about a new place to live; it was hard not to let worry or doubt take root.  But God is always at work on our behalf and He orchestrates the details so beautifully.
We don't know what will happen tomorrow!  All we have is the present.  All I know is that God has provided!  So I pack boxes and give thanks for all we've been blessed with.  I stop to smell the rose on the table, kiss my sleeping baby.  I stir the soup on the stove, thanking God for warm food on a rainy day, for a husband hard at work.  Life may be a mist, but with my hand in His, surrendered, it's a beautiful, dewy mist that drips with anticipation of God's goodness.  His lavish goodness in the midst of my mess.  And I am thankful.
“Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.” -James 1:17

Bags of gold!

It's a 'cold', rainy day that actually feels like December and I am loving it!!  My vanilla cookie candle is lit and I'm boxing up (and drinking) Pearl Kona Coffee.  I'm also processing the story I read to Owen before putting him down for a nap, the parable about the bags of gold.  This simple tale has really been cause for some soul searching this morning.  The story can be found in Matthew 25; the gist of it goes like this:

 A man is preparing to embark on a trip and wishes to leave some of his gold behind.  He calls in three servants and doles out the bags; five to one man, two to another and the last receives a single bag.  The first two set to work straight away, and by the time the master returns they are able to present to him the original bags plus gold they have earned.  Each having doubled what they were entrusted with, the master is extremely pleased and they are invited to 'Come and share your master's happiness!'  Party time!
The last servant, however, knowing that his boss is a hard man, went out and buried his gold.  'At least it will be kept safe underground', he reasons.  When, at last, it's his turn to report he hands over the single bag and says, 'I'm returning what is yours. I kept it safe while you were away.'  The master is furious.  'The least you could have done was invest the gold and let it gain a bit of interest!!'  This final servant's gold is taken from him and given to the one with the most bags while he himself is thrown outside.
Now, I'm sitting here attempting to identify and tally my bags of gold.  I'm wondering how I have been utilizing them?  Or have I simply buried my bags in the ground, afraid to take a chance with what the Master has given me..

My friends, we have ALL been given gold.  Jesus has entrusted each of us with precious treasure while He is away but His return is drawing near and we will ALL be called in to give account.  Oh, how I long to hear the words, 'Well done, my good and faithful servant.'
Now, I am a stay at home Mom.  I don't have a degree.  I've never been to Africa (but it is at the top of my list!) and I only speak one language, unless you count Babyese.  Yet we don't find the master in this story comparing the servant's single bag to the other's ten.  That is not the issue.  He simply took into account what that man had been given and then looked at what he did with it.  In the same way, my Master will not hold my life up next to Billy Graham or Mother Theresa and say 'Gee, I guess you really didn't do all that much...'  He will clear His desk of all else, look into my eyes and we will talk about what I did with what He gave ME.
There are countless ways to break this down.  I keep doing just that only to erase it as soon as my fingers come to a stop.  I think this is meant for individual interpretation.  Analyze the parable for yourself.  We all know which bag of gold we like to keep buried.  I pray that we will choose to put away our shovels and live instead with expectancy of our Master's return; investing ourselves, giving our all, utilizing time, gifts, and every moment we are given with the precious lives entrusted to us!!  May the Master return and say,  'You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things.'