More than I could bear..

“I want to see beauty. In the ugly, in the sink, in the suffering, in the daily, in all the days before I die, the moments before I sleep.”  Ann Voskamp

I borrowed an idea from my cousin, this putting words to my thanks for the thirty days of November. I've done it for a few years and, for the most part, found it a simple and easy task leading up to Turkey Day. But this time around has been different. This month has been a hard road to walk and there were days where I did not want to look for beauty amidst the mess. I did not want to be thankful.

No one said giving thanks would be easy, but in 1 Thessalonians Paul does say to do it in all circumstances; he says it truly is God's will for us, this lifestyle of thanksgiving. And so, I kept on with the thanking. 
I wish I could say that my motives were purely spiritual, but honestly, I just can't stand to back out of a challenge once I've begun. And so, I had to be deliberate about the thanking. There were days when the goodness was not incredibly obvious. I had to make a choice to call out that which was good amidst the pain and then thank the Giver. And it did something inside me. 
It's easy to give thanks for the obvious. It's when the obvious is lacking and you have to dig a bit deeper; that's where transformation begins. I found myself searching for good in the yuck and the heart break and the lump in my throat and what I found was surprising. I found grace where I least expected it. I found that there was still reason for a grateful heart in the darkest of circumstances. Why would God tell me to give thanks no matter what unless there would always be reason to do so? 

So here's where I'm going to say something crazy. (Don't say I didn't warn you!) See, I can't find anywhere in the Bible where it actually says 'God won't give us more than we can handle'. What I DO find in 1 Corinthians 10:13 is Paul's assurance about God, that 'he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will provide a way out so that you can endure it.' I think that's where we start to miss-quote. But the thing is, there are countless scriptures referring to believers being overwhelmed and obviously faced with more than they can handle! In 2 Corinthians 1:8 we find Paul describing a situation in which they were 'under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired of life itself.'  
This would be incredibly depressing if not for what Paul says next (in verse 9), 'But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead.' And I'm reminded, once again, that it's not about me and my strength but the power of the One who calls into being that which is not and yes, RAISES THE DEAD! And so I'm just going to say it and you don't have to keep reading, but I think we are faced with things we can't bear. I think God allows difficulties and sickness to touch our lives; circumstances that will be painful and difficult and heart breaking, SO THAT we can realize our need for a Strength not our own. 
And as for that misquoted verse, about the tempting? Well, yeah.. I was very tempted to wallow in my sorrow this week. We made multiple trips to the ER as my husband battled a poisonous and very infected (Brown Recluse suspected) bite. We mourned the loss of my Grandpa and I missed out on the gathering of my parents and all four brothers in one place, at one time. The Devil wanted me to give in to the overwhelming emotions I faced. And I did, several times. I'm not proud of that. But God did provide a way out, He does every time. And the vehicle for escape in this situation was THANKSGIVING. (See, it really is all connected! Bear with me here..)

Chesterton said "Hope is the power of being cheerful in circumstances that we know to be desperate." And we're not talking a 'fake', Pollyanna-kind-of-cheerful here. Ecclesiastes 3:4 says there is 'a time to weep' and 'a time to mourn' and I did those in plenty this past week. But to rely on the God who controls it all, to realize the GOOD that only He can bring out of any and every situation; that is where HOPE begins. That is the way out that He provides when we are tempted to give in to despair, to grumbling, to worry. And that's why the other part of Ecclesiastes 3:4 talks of laughing and dancing, because it's all connected. Giving thanks brings freedom. Giving thanks might not change circumstances but it sure changes hearts. And giving thanks has the power to draw our attention off of the situation and on to Jesus! 
So I'm discovering diamonds in the rough, chasing grace through the whirlwind of life. It might be scary to acknowledge that we'll face things we can not handle. But it is in the reaching and acknowledging of our own limitations that we can rely fully on the One who is truly in control. And choosing to be grateful, even on the dark days, is what thanksgiving is truly about.

'...the secret to joy is to keep seeking God where we doubt He is.' Ann Voskamp

Mud Drenched Goodness

'A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.'     Proverbs 17:22

Mud of the stickiest, gooiest and slimiest variety had taken over a rather large section of our back yard. Suddenly our house felt like a holding cell as I avoided outings that would potentially take us anywhere near...the mud.  And when we did have to traverse the dreaded section of lawn, I carried Owen up high in attempts of distracting him from the slime squishing beneath my feet.
I managed to keep this act up until a few days ago; it was an afternoon flung wide open with absolutely zero excuses to avoid the mess. I was tired of holding the squirmy, flailing, 'please-please-put-me-down' little boy. And so, I put him down!  His toes squished deep into the mess and he looked up at me with part question, part astonishment that this was, indeed, happening. Was this really allowed? And in response to that questioning gaze, I kicked off my flip flops and waded in right next to him.

Mud never hurt anyone. Sure, it's messy and stinky and manages to get in hair and on clothes and under fingernails. But it's just mud and it was time to let my boy revel in it himself. Time to enjoy the not-so-finer things of life :) And what a fabulously, disgusting frolic we had that afternoon! It was a 'little thing' that meant the world to one sweet, little man.
It mattered to Owen because I took the time to do something that served the singular purpose of fun; ridiculous, giggle-filled fun. And as we hosed off our toes..and legs.. okay, bodies! A thought came to me.. God does this for me all the time. Not specifically the mud pie making. But He consistently gives gifts which serve the singular purpose of delight and pleasure! He is constantly opening my eyes to beauty that exists simply to be beautiful and bring a smile to my lips.
            'For the Lord takes delight in his people..' Psalm 149:4

It brought me so much pleasure to laugh with Owen and watch him thoroughly enjoy our personal mud hole. How much more does Jesus take pleasure in seeing us enjoy Him, His creation, and 'little things' scattered throughout our day that are intended to fill us with joy and hope! Last Friday, as we enjoyed a crisp, clear night absolutely perfect for a bonfire and toasting marshmallows, I smiled up at the sky, knowing that the God of the universe was pleased!
We ventured out on paddle boards this Sunday and out there in the middle of the ocean we were suddenly surrounded by a huge pod of dolphins! Cherry on top of an incredible afternoon. They were spinning and diving; showing off just for us! And as we take time to delight in the moment and relish the beauty of God's creation; savoring that which exists simply to declare His glory, I know He is smiling!

'Ask the animals, and they will teach you, or the birds of the air, and they will tell you; or speak to the earth, and it will teach you, or let the fish of the sea inform you. Which of these does not know that the hand of the Lord has done this?' Job 12:7-9

It's easy to get caught up in the business. Even as a stay-at-home Mama, life can get ridiculously 'full'. Despite my best intentions, it remains terribly difficult to take 'alone time' or get out on a date with my best friend! But those times of refreshment and refueling are incredibly important! This life is meant to be enjoyed, not simply survived. And on the home front: taking time to do messy projects, initiate a dance party or lay on my belly next to Owen watching a caterpillar inch across the grass: those 'little things' are what will truly make a life FULL and rich! Afternoons drenched in mud are the memories my son will hold on to.
So, maybe we all need to be reminded of this; enjoying God and letting Him enjoy US! Let's make time for the activities we're crazy about, no matter how ridiculous it may seem. Remember [or find out!] what you are passionate about. Spend time with the people you love. Get outside today, breath in fresh air and simply enjoy the moments specifically designed to fill your cup. Smile up towards the sky and thank the One who sprinkles goodness, grace and the occasional muddy mess throughout the most hectic of days.

'The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands.' Psalm 19:1

Long Haul

Turns out, I really enjoy chores that offer immediate, obvious results. Making the bed, for example, is fairly simple and the outcome is obvious improvement to the entire state of a bedroom.  Dishes, too! Derek would have me take better advantage of the dish washer but I honestly love plunging my hands into that soapy water and scrubbing away the grime. A drying rack full of sparkling plates and utensils is easily achieved and oh-so-rewarding; a legitimate form of therapy at the end of a tiresome day.
The undertakings in this life that truly matter, however, do not usually offer immediate results or boast of obvious, easy success. Darn it. When it comes to faith, marriage, parenting, leaving a legacy, making an impact, building lasting relationships, or anything at all that makes this life worth living- you better believe we're in it for the long haul. Choosing to invest time, energy and efforts into the lives of actual human beings around us is no small feat. If there was 'fine print' it would read 'feelings of exhaustion 99.9% guaranteed.' But these long haul investments are why we are on this planet.

As I battled both physical and emotional fatigue (and quite possibly a bad attitude) this last weekend, Jesus met me with two truths. First, 'let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.' Galatians 6:9  Keep on keeping on! 'Doing good' most definitely wears a girl out but I am told to persevere. The harvest will come and it will be epic, but this is not yet 'the proper time'. This is the time for sowing seed, working the fields. Whether it's in the life of my husband, tiny son, friends or the cashier I'm getting to know at Target, today is a day to invest. And I can be confident that, regardless of the when, how or whether I even get to witness it, there will be a harvest to reap someday.
Invest yourself even when you don't feel like it! For me, right now, it's getting down on the floor and playing games, being consistent, being present, folding five piles of laundry, and braving the Costco run. It might look different for you but the the encouragement is for us all; we must not give up.

This would be an overwhelming task if not for the second truth: 'being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.' Philippians 1:6 The One who made me, loves me, saved me, pursues me regardless of my attitude.. yeah, He's in it for the long haul and He will NEVER give up. He is my motivation and the source of strength so desperately needed to run this race. Jesus is working within me and that is why I can keep investing in the lives He's placed around me.
And, thankfully, those sweet and easily-achieved moments of success or delight are generously sprinkled throughout our journey, too. A Pupu platter (Hawaiian term for appetizers :), if you will! It does a heart good to enjoy those contented sighs after a home cooked meal has been devoured!  Big smiles after a water fight in the front yard, fresh squeezed orange juice and laughing with friends are a beautiful part of life. (Power washing our sidewalk did a world of good for my mental state this last weekend.)
Persevere, yes. But at the same time- if you're burnt out, find a way to refuel and be inspired! These truths go hand in hand. We're committed to the long haul; we invest, by the grace of God, in a harvest that will be reaped in the future. AND we take time to savor the beauty of today, remembering that we are all a work in progress and, thank goodness, the One working us all out is in it for the long haul!

'Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith..' Hebrews 12:1-2