gourmet grilled cheese

All it took was this simple line of lyrics, 'When I am dry You fill my cup..' and the lightbulb clicked on bright and the tears threatened to overflow.  And maybe I should back up a little..
When we arrived at church, Sunday morning, my hair was not brushed and the power point slides were not finished.  Owen was in desperate need of a nap and Derek needed a coffee refill ASAP.  It had been a long week.  An incredible week.  A blessed week.  But still, a very long one and Sunday morning found us completely.. spent.

Turns out, moving day week is exhausting whether you transition to another state or simply, another street.  I am weary.  I've been staying up late, getting up early and unpacking boxes every time Owen takes a nap.  The little man has been a trooper but his internal clock is a little freaked out.  Derek is working like a mad man and my pantry still isn't organized so he's come home to grilled cheese on multiple evenings.  Did I mention I was weary?

And yet it's been such an incredible week.  I could certainly write an entire post about all the goodness; the gorgeous view we look out at every single day, the grass we play in, the sweet baby stories that fill the house.  Our church had a family day this weekend, complete with shaved ice, ping pong competitions and a rented water slide!!  (Derek and I may have had just as much fun as the kids on that slide....)  Goodness.  Abundant goodness.  Friends and coconut cookies and Kai has his very own yard.  I have my very own toaster!  Derek has jobs and more jobs!  And Owen has... frozen teethers, in plenty!

But my neck is still kinked and the laundry is piling as the motivation dwindles.  And it's such an obvious solution to my empty; but it takes a whole week to realize my desperate need to be filled!  The 'E light' has been on for awhile and why am I neglecting it?  My devotional, Jesus Calling, reminds me of Matthew 5:6 'Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.'  And the worship in church reminds me Who it is that fills my cup.  And I ask myself how I got so dry?
Yes, there is the chapter in the morning before rushing off to work and diapers.  And when my 10-12 hour a night baby decides to get up every 2-3 hours I use that Bible app on my phone in attempts to keep my eyes open while he eats.  But I need more.  That's a granola bar to tide me over till dinner which is perfectly fine unless I never actually sit down and EAT dinner!  Girl cannot live on Clif bars alone!

But what's the answer?  Do I get up even earlier?  Stay up later?  Add yet another cup of coffee to my daily intake. (Yikes!)  Do I short Derek the few hours we have of 'just us' in the evenings?  None of these are a solution.  But I go back to that verse in Matthew and it says I need to HUNGER.  I realize that amidst the chaos of the past few days, none of us have been skipping meals.  When we are hungry, we eat.  And the menu is simple but we're taking the time, we're talking about our day; we watch the sunset and we are FILLED.  We open the bottle of wine from our friends and I don't think Pinot Gris is usually paired with grilled cheese, but all of a sudden simple becomes beautiful and gourmet.

In the same way, Jesus longs for me to choose to be with Him, to hunger after righteousness!  And He will meet me where I'm at; simple becoming beautiful and gourmet.  He longs to FILL me.  I can only imagine how it pains him to see me attempting to live out of my own strength when He has SO MUCH MORE to offer.  It's not about length and I don't need another devotional but I must choose to eat.  Gazing at the moon at 4AM I whisper, 'Thank you, Papa!'  Chasing a butterfly with Owen and finally having it land right in front of us, the model of magnificence, I let Owen hear me say it, 'Thank you, Jesus!'  And the dishes can wait a little longer while I spend a few minutes on my knees in the morning.  And I am filled.  The weary is traded for renewal, every time I listen to those hunger pains.

May we look for Jesus in every minute of every day; acknowledging His Spirit at work, thanking Him, taking the time to feast with Him.  And as I do this I feel the load lifting, the spring returning to my step.  I come to Him in simplicity and He makes it gourmet.  He fills me with that SO MUCH MORE and enables me to live fully and give beyond anything I could've given on my own.

It's a beautiful, dewy mist!

I'm taking a break from packing boxes to inform you all that... He's done it again!!  God has gone over and above and beyond my wildest dreams!  And it shouldn't surprise me because it's the story of our lives: His lavish goodness and grace in spite of all our messiness and failures and anxious doubting.  We are moving into a beautiful house tomorrow morning and I am thrilled!!  The timing, provision and love of God is humbling!
We've been praying about this next step for awhile.  I was keeping an open mind in case we found ourselves in another greenhouse.  (Hey, anything is possible!)  But, at the same time, I know nothing is impossible for my God and I had a few specific requests beyond a roof over our head.  Wish list things; running water, a washing machine and a place to sit, cozy, in the mornings drinking coffee and talking with Jesus while the sun comes up.  Oh, and somewhere for Derek to store all his  stuff  very necessary tools, surfboards and various man things.
                                           
Our new accommodations do, indeed, have all the amenities of a 'civilized' house; comforts we've learned not to take for granted- a toilet, a shower, a sink.  This house is beautiful, includes a washer and dryer AND gorgeous view, perfect for my early mornings!  The owners have a keyboard that they're going to leave out for me to use; cherry on top!  They also have a 'man cave' where Derek can store all his stuff very necessary tools, surfboards and various man things :)  Did I mention that I was thrilled?!
Owen is fine with the move as long as we bring Kai, who he is currently obsessed with!  I guess it's true about a boy and his dog.. this baby can't get enough of the pooch!  He's also especially impressed by the color red and enjoys blowing bubbles almost as much as his mom!!  Simple pleasures of life.  This little man is growing faster than I ever thought possible.  He is proudly sporting a few nine month outfits even though I keep reminding him that he's still a week away from the five month milestone!  And after instructing him not to throw his rings off the porch... he threw the rings off the porch.  Ready or not.. here comes Owen! :)

Between landscaping contracts and tree trimming/removal jobs, Derek's schedule is chock full!!  It's incredible to have a front row seat to the flourishing of his business.  My husband works so hard and God blesses so abundantly.  I am incredibly proud and grateful and humbled by it all.  On top of running a business.. or rather, two businesses, wrapping up a coffee harvest, repairing a wood chipper and about 37 other projects, Derek is an incredible daddy and husband.  He loves us so well.  He is a man after God's heart and I am honored to journey through this life with him.
We'll decorate for Christmas once we are settled.  We did do a little Christmas shopping the other day, which is remarkable for several reasons.  Neither Derek or Owen appreciate the fine art of browsing, wandering, dressing rooms and bargain racks.  They are in, out, mission accomplished kind of men.  Shopping is not on their list of leisure activities.  But, this particular day, with vanilla lattes in hand, my boys and I shopped!  We picked out stockings, browsed the ornaments and debated fake tree or real tree.  Last year we didn't do much for decorations because we were unsure of how much longer we'd be on the island.  But here we are, second Christmas in Hawaii and with a baby to boot.. we'll be decorating!

Yesterday morning Derek read to me from James 4, the part about not saying 'Tomorrow we'll go to this city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money."  Because we really 'do not even know what will happen tomorrow.'  And the clincher: 'What is your life?  You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.'  (verses 13 and 14)  We're learning to live in the present.  Don't assume.  Don't take for granted.  Why lose today in the stress of tomorrow?  Live, now!  Cherish.  Be thankful!!  If life is a mist, then we can't afford to waste a single, fleeting moment caught up in worry or fear.  Praying, searching, wondering about a new place to live; it was hard not to let worry or doubt take root.  But God is always at work on our behalf and He orchestrates the details so beautifully.
We don't know what will happen tomorrow!  All we have is the present.  All I know is that God has provided!  So I pack boxes and give thanks for all we've been blessed with.  I stop to smell the rose on the table, kiss my sleeping baby.  I stir the soup on the stove, thanking God for warm food on a rainy day, for a husband hard at work.  Life may be a mist, but with my hand in His, surrendered, it's a beautiful, dewy mist that drips with anticipation of God's goodness.  His lavish goodness in the midst of my mess.  And I am thankful.
“Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.” -James 1:17

Bags of gold!

It's a 'cold', rainy day that actually feels like December and I am loving it!!  My vanilla cookie candle is lit and I'm boxing up (and drinking) Pearl Kona Coffee.  I'm also processing the story I read to Owen before putting him down for a nap, the parable about the bags of gold.  This simple tale has really been cause for some soul searching this morning.  The story can be found in Matthew 25; the gist of it goes like this:

 A man is preparing to embark on a trip and wishes to leave some of his gold behind.  He calls in three servants and doles out the bags; five to one man, two to another and the last receives a single bag.  The first two set to work straight away, and by the time the master returns they are able to present to him the original bags plus gold they have earned.  Each having doubled what they were entrusted with, the master is extremely pleased and they are invited to 'Come and share your master's happiness!'  Party time!
The last servant, however, knowing that his boss is a hard man, went out and buried his gold.  'At least it will be kept safe underground', he reasons.  When, at last, it's his turn to report he hands over the single bag and says, 'I'm returning what is yours. I kept it safe while you were away.'  The master is furious.  'The least you could have done was invest the gold and let it gain a bit of interest!!'  This final servant's gold is taken from him and given to the one with the most bags while he himself is thrown outside.
Now, I'm sitting here attempting to identify and tally my bags of gold.  I'm wondering how I have been utilizing them?  Or have I simply buried my bags in the ground, afraid to take a chance with what the Master has given me..

My friends, we have ALL been given gold.  Jesus has entrusted each of us with precious treasure while He is away but His return is drawing near and we will ALL be called in to give account.  Oh, how I long to hear the words, 'Well done, my good and faithful servant.'
Now, I am a stay at home Mom.  I don't have a degree.  I've never been to Africa (but it is at the top of my list!) and I only speak one language, unless you count Babyese.  Yet we don't find the master in this story comparing the servant's single bag to the other's ten.  That is not the issue.  He simply took into account what that man had been given and then looked at what he did with it.  In the same way, my Master will not hold my life up next to Billy Graham or Mother Theresa and say 'Gee, I guess you really didn't do all that much...'  He will clear His desk of all else, look into my eyes and we will talk about what I did with what He gave ME.
There are countless ways to break this down.  I keep doing just that only to erase it as soon as my fingers come to a stop.  I think this is meant for individual interpretation.  Analyze the parable for yourself.  We all know which bag of gold we like to keep buried.  I pray that we will choose to put away our shovels and live instead with expectancy of our Master's return; investing ourselves, giving our all, utilizing time, gifts, and every moment we are given with the precious lives entrusted to us!!  May the Master return and say,  'You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things.'

life is like.. a bag of truffles!

Now that I'm 1/3 of a year old, my Mom thought it was time for an 'Owen update'..  that or she's just shirking her blogging duties, I can't be sure.  I have mastered an abundance of new tricks since last time, though.  I *can* roll over but try my best not to make a habit of it!  And I've made a fascinating discovery- the tongue!  Seriously, has this thing been in my mouth the whole time?!
Oooh's and aaah's were fun for awhile but I've graduated to lippy sounds, now: b's, v's and a whole lot of spit.  My parents go crazy over a shrieky, pterodactyl laugh I let slip on occasion..  I'm telling you, these two are putty in my hands :)

At my four month checkup I was tipping the scales at 16.2 pounds and I'm 25 inches tall!  A layer of 'man hair' is coming in under the few remaining wisps of baby hair that Mom insists on curling and spiking!  Thankfully, I have an ally in my Dad when it comes to hair-do's, shoes and collared shirts.  He's sure that I'm terribly uncomfortable and is quick to un-botton, de-shoe and smooth down the mohawk as soon as Mom turns her back.  Dad is so cool.  But, now that I think about it, he sure didn't put a stop to my Mom's 'sleep bootcamp'!  He must've been at work when that went down.  But, (and don't tell her I said this) I have finally come over to the dark side.  Turns out I can fall asleep on my own and life is oh-so-much jollier when I take good naps.  (Mom's words.. not mine!)

[I must be faking it here..]

My parents left me for the first time last week.  Shocking, I know!  Apparently they thought it would be fun to go on an Owen-less date!?  Not sure where they gathered this notion, but they did choose some pretty cool people for me to hang out with and I was pretty brave about the whole ordeal.  There's talk of them making a habit of this, though..  why does no one consult me about these things?!
My first Thanksgiving was a very exciting time!  My family sure has a lot to be thankful for.  I know they really start missing those mainland people at this time of year but we have a really great ohana here, too.  We had three turkey dinners (and leftovers..) before Thanksgiving even arrived!  For the actual day we were invited to celebrate with aforementioned 'pretty cool people' and had a sea-faring dinner that my Mom won't stop raving about.   Unfortunately, I'm still on a milk-only diet and can't vouch for the deliciousness.  They also put me to bed just in time for the story telling and laughing, but I hear it was a fantastic time!

[my family!]

This week especially, I know my parents are extremely thankful for the people God has placed in our life.  I'm no mechanic and I have yet to figure out where our clutch went to, but I do know that it went 'out'.. and apparently that is frowned upon around here.  My Mom says you can find good in the crappiest of situations (although, I'm not supposed to say crap).  It's like a truffle, which my parents just bought in bulk at Costco!  The first taste may be bitter and dark but underneath that layer is sweet, creaminess; goodness in disguise.
Like my Dad realizing the issue BEFORE driving down the steepest road on the island.  Thank you, Jesus!  Or a mechanic that we don't even know, stopping by on his way home to confirm my Dad's suspicions.  The next day a friend drove all the way to town to pick up a part for us!  Dad went straight to work on it- only to realize he needed another part- one that wouldn't be available till after the holiday.  BUT, then our friends offered the use of their truck till ours was running again!  Goodness.. everywhere we look!  One big truffle..

[Mom's favorites!]

I may not know as much as big people, but I'm seeing the goodness of God EVERYWHERE!  I'm observant now, like on a sponge-like level!  And I'm realizing that in all their 'knowing', big people can really miss the obvious truths.  For all their abilities and resources and ideas.. there seems to be a lot of people losing sight of the simplicity of grace and joy and love.  We don't deserve it, God gives it freely.. and that's why we're here.  

Ephesians 5:1-2 tells us to 'Follow God's example, therefore, as dearly loved children and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.'  We saw love lived out this week, extended to us over and over.  Each time we were made a part of the family and welcomed into someone's home; each turkey dinner and laughter filled evening.  We see it in a borrowed vehicle, a mechanic bill that was less than we anticipated and a counter full of free fruit.  Goodness, grace and love..  undeserved, unexpected and in abundance.  We will face a lot of hard in this life; we live in a fallen world!  But we should focus on the blessings that God pours out each and every day; the GOOD that He works out of every situation.  To be imitators of the love of Jesus, that is our goal!  And we witnessed first hand, this week, how this makes life less stressful and more like.. a bag of truffles!
Until next time~
Mr. O

[morning hairs!]

The language I know best!

Little Man,

You've done it again, in a blink of an eye.  You're growing so quickly and I still haven't found a pause button!  You are constant motion, SuperBaby, our little tiger.  You are sugar and snuggles; shy when you first wake up.  You are ticklish, stubborn and crazy about Kai.  You won't be held back, you have places to go.  'Claustrophobic' like your Dad, you need to breathe deep.  We lift you up high and you spread your wings.  I can already hear you begging to climb just a little higher, swim a bit deeper and ride your bike faster!  My sweet, tiny son.
Your hand in mine, safe and secure.  My heart is so full, my love so big.  The possibilities stretch out before you.  Who will you become, what will these fingers touch?  The toes I nibble, where will they carry you?  You are curious, an explorer.  What discoveries await you?  I pray for hidden treasure each day; the ability to recognize God's handiwork not only in mighty mountains and rushing streams but in the overlooked and unappreciated.
May you see with His eyes, feel with His heart.  I pray you will be His hands, His feet!   I don't wish for you a life of ease, as many mother's would.  Of course I want your every need met and every desire fulfilled.  I pray for safety, health and a life overflowing with joy.  But, you are part of a bigger picture, my love.  And I pray you will live a life worthy of the call, bringing glory to our King regardless of the circumstances!  May you run your race with perseverance.
From across the room you spot your Dad and I.  That smile of recognition is the sweetest thing; you know we're your biggest fans.  You big story teller; you're the man of the hour.  Your 'vocabulary' is quickly developing, usually muffled by the hand or toy you insist on putting in your mouth.  You are so strong.  So brave.  You love the water, the sky and anything that crinkles.  The best time of day is when Daddy gets home from work.
We are training up a warrior.  It's incredible and terrifying and a great honor!  This is exactly where I want to be, Owen.  For as much as I have to teach you, there have already been an enormous amount of lessons learned.. by ME.  And I thank you!

All my love,
Mommy

I love letters!  Sweet notes from my Dad were a usual occurrence growing up.  I would write back and forth with a best friend in a secret language only we knew how to unscramble.  Passing scraps of paper through the pews in church was a favorite pass time.  Pen pals, post cards and the long, drawn out journal entries of a teenager.  As I ventured out into the world I loved finding letters tucked into my suitcase.  I expressed my love to Derek with enough notes and poems to fill a filing cabinet!  My Mom and I write back and forth now; dreams, fears, questions and recipes.  This is the language I know best.
And now I write to Owen.. for Owen.  I write to the sweet baby nestled in my arms.  I write to the man he will become.  I write in attempts to remember every single detail; discoveries, struggles and victories.   Sweet baby kisses and every single 'first'.  I write to encourage, to inspire.  I write that he might always know of my love for him!  I see things anew through the eyes of my tiny son and I am inspired.  What a beautiful life.  Owen's story is beginning to unfold and it is a privilege to be able to write some of it.

'For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.' Romans 8:38-39
The Bible is a letter from my Best Friend, a love note from my Papa.  He speaks to me in the language I know best.  It's the greatest story of all time and it is still unfolding.  God writes of discoveries, struggles and victories.  He is a parent, revealing His grand plan for our lives but allowing us to choose our own path.  He is the Bridegroom, heartbroken at the other 'lovers' we may choose, longing to be reunited with us, His bride.  He rejoices in every triumph, every baby step.  This book is fierce, unfailing love.  It is exactly what I need to know for this life, leaving just enough a mystery that I might always be digging deeper.
I have a story to tell because of Jesus.  He writes to the sinful, stubborn mess I am and calls me into the woman He created me to be, the masterpiece He sees in me.  He encourages, inspires and always reminds me of His great love and faithfulness.  He IS the Word, written for me.  Surrender, redemption and the hope of tomorrow, all in the language I know best.

the good, the bad and the... bodily fluids.

My sister-in-law and I were recently discussing, okay dissecting, the absurdity of those "supermom' posts.  You know the ones; 'Yayy! Scrubbed the kitchen floor by hand today, we're having home made (something I can't even pronounce!) for dinner and still had time to venture into the meadow so the kiddos could paint with their personalized easels!!'  Seriously?!  We decided they are withholding a significant amount of information.  'Supermom' also has a live-in maid.. or three extra pairs of hands.  Oh, and never sleeps.
No one actually pulls these things off on a regular basis, do they?!  Or am I just the world's biggest slacker?  You read these things, comment 'Wow.. aren't you amazing!?" and then hang your head, begin doubting your abilities and suddenly notice a kitchen floor that hasn't been scrubbed in... well, a LONG time.  Oh, and maybe leftovers are not an acceptable menu item?

Unfortunately, when I take a step back I realize that, gulp, I'm guilty of this, too!  Maybe we all are?  We want to revel in the successful, the accomplishments and that superb family outing last weekend!  Who doesn't?!  And there is nothing wrong with that!  But I rarely post about the ordinary, the not-so-successful, the day I stayed in yoga pants until 2pm..  the downright HARD.  'Changed nine diapers today.. only got peed on once!  Resorted to Hamburger Helper for dinner (yikes!) and forgot to pay the phone bill.. woohoo!'
So, I'm here to apologize for the times I present an unrealistic view of life in the Pearl house.  I'm here to admit that for every home made apple pie and crafty little project there are also unmade beds, a pile of diapers that need washing and dishes to scrub.  We're living life over here..one day at a time.  And by no means is it perfect or organic or even organized, but we really love it!  And I'm willing to bet your family would say the same.. regardless of whether or not you've had time to decorate the house with hand crafted, cutesy Thanksgiving decorations (I'll have to discuss my love/hate relationship with Pinterest in another post..)

You don't have all the answers.. no one does.  But I'm here to say, 'YOU'RE DOING A GREAT JOB!!'  You show up.  You love with all your heart and that's what matters.  This doesn't just apply to mothers.  No matter where you're at in life, there's never a shortage of guilt-trip material.  Here's another disclaimer to lighten your load:  For every 'Yes! I love a good run in the morning..' post, I should also admit to the time my 'post-workout snack' was a slice of cheesecake!  Seriously, whatever path you're on.. mother, student, brand new wife, working your way up the ladder at work.. YOU ARE AMAZING!!  You take it one day at a time; things don't always turn out as anticipated but you don't give up.
I'm absolutely crazy about this life.  I'm just saying I don't have it all together; NO ONE has it all together.  Don't think for a minute that they do.  I'm here to admit that for all the times Derek comes home to a cooing baby, home cooked meal and mascara wearing wife, there are also plenty of other times.  Times when Owen is fussy after refusing to surrender to an afternoon nap, when brushing my hair was the farthest thing from my mind and when, yes, we are having spaghetti for the third time.  (Side note: on that particular day my husband came in the door with a melty ice cream cone that he savored all the way home from work, in order to share half with me!  Yes, it brought tears to my eyes.  I really like him.)

It's not easy to write this.  But it matters.  And I'm not saying I will refrain from ever sharing success stories!  I mean, come on!  Those nights Owen goes 12 hours.. yeah, that's post-worthy!  I have the best husband in the world and often feel the need to shout, 'I'M IN LOVE, I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!'   God has blessed my little family, there's no denying it.  But maybe I should spend a little less time posting and a little more time.. spreading.  In a picture-perfect, extra-curricular, gluten free world, it's easy to feel bogged down.  Simply hearing 'Your baby is lucky to have parents like you!' goes a long way.  I know it did for us, coming from a complete stranger at Subway!
Proverbs 16:24 'Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.'
Being Derek's wife and Owen's mom is a blessing, a privilege and, I believe.. part of my calling!  But I wasn't always a wife, a mom.  For the majority of my life I've just been.. me!  So, now I learn.  I mess up.  I grow.  And I'm incredibly grateful for those who come alongside me on this journey and share!  Share life; the successes, yes.. but also (mostly) the faults, blowouts and hard lessons learned.  We can't journey with people until we're willing to be real.  No, I'm not saying we should all start posting every failure and embarrassing moment.  But let's commit to encouraging and building up.  Admit that you're not supermom, that you're held together by the love and grace of Jesus and a few baby slobbers!  Compliment someone today.. just do it.  Be real; journey with those God has placed in your life!  And let's face it, we all know that the best stories include some type of bodily fluid..
1 Thessalonians 5:11 'Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.' 

A rich life!

Be still and know that He is God

Be still and know that He is faithful

Consider all that he has done

Stand in awe and be amazed

And know that He will never change

Be still

As these lyrics flashed up on the screen this Sunday, Derek and I looked at each other and in that unspoken language unique to best friends, we knew.  We knew this was for us.  A breath of fresh air; these words were a reality check amidst a stressful list of impending decisions.  But they shouldn't be stressful.  'Consider all that He has done!'  I just re-read my entries from last November.  Talk about humbling.  We were ready to pack our bags and head for the mainland when God said, 'Wait, I have other plans.'  Incredible plans!  A year later and we still have not paid rent on this island!  Our lives have been turned upside down, in the best possible way, by a sweet baby boy!  Derek has not only started his own business but is beginning to see it flourish!  'Stand in awe and be amazed!'

A friend recently commented on how I tend to hold Owen.  He is a constant blur of motion and in order to free up one hand, and support his bobbly head, I usually hold him with his back to my chest.  She said she liked that because 'Owen knows you've got his back and he's free to look forward!' 
I suppose the same is true of my Papa and I.  I'm learning to embrace change, unknown and yes, even 'obstacles' as opportunities for God to work in my life!  We have to make decisions about our future as we look towards a new year and I'm excited!  'Know that He will never change.'  God is faithful.  He works all things together for good.  He has plans for us; plans to prosper us and not harm us, plans to give us hope and a future!  With those promises at my back, I can look forward with anticipation of all that God will do!

The past few days I've been flooded with the realization of how rich we are!  A coffee date with girls that feel like sisters, dinner with friends that feel like family.  A peach crisp made with peaches brought all the way from CANADA!!  Literally, hundreds of oranges picked and squeezed.  A husband that comes home from work and says 'I loved that!'  A little boy that spills out joy like sunshine!  Piano music and a blooming rose bush. Thunder storms and radiant sunsets!  Homemade apple pie and hysterical laughter upon finding the ice cream put away in the.. refrigerator?!  
“Write it on your heart that every day is the best day in the year.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

Owen and I just finished his version of the Old Testament.  It was awesome!!  I love how powerful the Word of God is, even broken down to its very simplest form.  The faithfulness of God is so incredibly obvious, even in story book form.  His people rebel, turn away, forget, choose other gods, grow stagnant... and yet, He remains and His purpose stands.  I'm guilty, too.  I come to a mountain of change, a brand new challenge, and I begin to panic, doubt and scramble to find answers in my own strength, resources and ability.  But God is faithful!  He has my back and he wants me to face forward, equipped with HIS strength and the knowledge of all the mountains He's enabled me to climb already.  'Be still and know that He is faithful.'
And so we head into a new month; one of my favorites!  A time to be THANKFUL and realize the beauty and richness of our life.  An opportunity to reflect on the incredible journey God is leading us on! And with the knowledge that 'He is God' and 'He will never change' at our back, we look forward to the future and embrace the next climb!

a cinnamon raisin revelation!

Early morning has never been my cup of tea.  But I must admit to a growing fondness for what had previously been termed 'that ungodly hour of the day'!  Several times this week I was awakened at 5am by my sweet son's cry.  Upon arriving at his crib, however, I would find him fast asleep!  At this point I had a decision to make; crawl back under the covers or embrace the day.  There was certainly a few mornings where the covers won out.  But, the times I chose to relish the quiet beginnings of a new day were, by far, my favorite!

Sitting on the ground, wrapped tight in a blanket, I gazed up at the twinkling of a few remaining stars making their exit into the awakening horizon.  God is incredibly romantic.  Another of my mornings included a latte and cinnamon raisin bagel.  As I spread on the cream cheese I asked God to please speak to me as I opened up my Bible.  Before I even got to my chair I already had David and Goliath in mind, so that's where I turned.
Let me just say, I have never seen things from Saul's point of view.  Until last Tuesday, that is!  I love that this Book is ever changing, always offering new revelation to those willing to dive in!  And this particular read through had me empathizing with King Saul.  Two armies are at a stand still.  The Philistines have sent out their champion; a monstrous giant of a man, spewing obscenities and calling down curses on Yahweh.  And now Israel's representative is supposed to take to the field.  This battle tactic wasn't necessarily to see which side could produce the better warrior.  This was a common method of warfare; the armies' way of surrendering the outcome of the battle to their gods.  Saul was well aware and yet he doesn't send anyone out.  The taunting continues for 40 days, morning and evening!
Enter David, the sheep herder.  Little brother is bringing rations to his siblings on the battle field.  He overhears Goliath's spiel and is utterly shocked upon realizing that Israel has no response!  'Who is this uncircumcised Philistine that he should defy the armies of the living God?'  1 Samuel 17:26  Word gets back to Saul that this son of Jesse is fired up and the King sends for him, to clarify, 'You are not able to go out against this Philistine and fight him; you are only a young man, and he has been a warrior from his youth.' 1 Sam. 17:33  And yet, David convinces him otherwise!  He assures King Saul that he's killed his fair share of wild animals and 'The Lord who rescued me from the paw of the lion and the paw of the bear will rescue me from the hand of this Philistine.' 1 Sam 17:37

This is where I began to realize why God had me reading this.  The sleep training continues this week and, although things have improved dramatically, I would definitely consider this one of the more 'monstrous giants' we've faced.  It is extremely difficult for this mama to kiss her little boy, tuck him in for a nap and then leave the room.  No, I don't leave him in there to cry for hours on end.  But, I will let him 'work things out' on his own, simply going in for the occasional 'sh, sh, sh' ing and retrieving of the pacifier that he has managed to fling out of the crib!  This process can be quite lengthy and I start convincing myself that I should really just pick him up and rock him to sleep...
But lets jump back to 1 Samuel where Saul is busy outfitting David in his own armor.  The shepherd boy takes one lap around the tent and says (my paraphrase) 'Oh, that ain't happenin'!'  His weapon of choice ends up being a simple sling and five smooth stones.  Hardly par for the course, in Saul's opinion.  David's armor, well.. in his own words to Goliath, 'You come against me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the LORD Almighty, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defiled.' 1 Samuel 17:45  This 'simple shepherd boy' (future king of Israel!) knows Who has his back.  And Saul is watching from the side lines, anxiously gnawing off a few fingernails!

You all know how the story ends.. David slings a single stone into the giant's forehead and then uses Goliath's sword to cut off his head!  The victory belongs to God and the Philistines tuck tail and run, only to be pursued and slaughtered by a re-inspired Israelite army.  But as I pored over these words this particular morning, I felt God impress upon me this truth: I can not fight Owen's battles for him, as much as I want to.  Gulp!  Life is a journey and full of obstacles that must be overcome.  Of course, as a mother I will do everything in my power to 'shelter' this little man from all unnecessary pain and hardship.  But the truth is: it's inevitable!  Owen will face scary, hard and seemingly insurmountable obstacles.  It breaks my heart to realize this.  But at the same time, this fact is what makes parenting so incredibly exciting and vital!  It is up to Derek and I to raise up a warrior, one that knows Who has his back and gives him the strength to overcome!

This may seem a bit extreme.  After all, we're just talking about nap time!  And yet, I believe God is preparing me for a lifetime of obstacles to be conquered; allowing my son the space to discover his own strengths!  He is gently bringing it to my attention that for all the times requiring intervention there will be an equal amount of instances where, like it or not, I will need to let Owen learn the lesson himself.  His battles can not be won by layering on all of MY armor, in fact, that will only drag him down.  I can, however, live by example, praying that he will add to his own arsenal the weapons he sees his Dad and I utilize on a regular basis.  The rest is up to God and I know that His love is higher than the heavens, His faithfulness reaching to the skies.. Psalm 108:4

                                         

I got a little carried away with my story telling, so here's the short and sweet version of the rest of our week..
Derek continues to stay busy with landscaping, tree work and coffee.  And when he is unsure of what he will fill his day with we've learned to simply tell God.  My favorite example from last week: over breakfast Derek prayed that God would give him something to do, that he might be productive that day.  The phone literally went off within 10 minutes; friends from church wondering when Derek might be able to fit them into his schedule.  They wanted him to trim their monstrous guava tree!  'Hmm.. how does today sound!?" :)  God is so good!

We ventured to the northern part of the island this weekend to satisfy my 'fall' cravings!  As you can tell from the pictures, the pumpkin patch, corn maze and sunflower fields were exactly what I was hoping for!!  Derek also surprised me with a stop at my favorite spot for crepes!  And Owen remedied the long lines and anxious customers with his sweet, cooing 'hi' sounds!  He truly is our little beam of sunshine.  We're not the only ones partial to this little man, either!  Our tiny son acquired several girlfriends this week.  One little lady flirted with him throughout the entire church service, and his 'older' (four year old) sweetheart sat us down at the bookstore and instructed Owen in the ways of chameleons!  

 What a great God we serve!  May we go into this new week with the confidence that He will give us exactly what we need to face whatever giant blocks our path.  Whether that's the unknowns of the future, surrendering our need to be in control or simply learning how to take a nap.  And, for the record, I just put Owen in his crib.. he let me know his objections, resigned himself to sucking on his hand and was asleep in less than 3 minutes!  So proud of my little warrior.
When approaching Goliath, it says David 'ran quickly to the battle line to meet him'.  He was confident that his God had it under control.  (Or he knew that he was less likely to throw up if he just started running... )  May this be true in our lives; as we embrace the challenges life throws our way, may it be with an attitude that makes the world acknowledge something more powerful at work within us, someone much greater fighting on our behalf.  As David said, 'All those gathered here will know that it is not by sword or spear that the LORD saves; for the battle is the LORD's..' 1 Samuel 17:47 

sleep training, Hägen-Dazs & the other me!

Raw honesty: this is what I crave and yet shrink from on a daily basis.  This is a trait I see in all those I truly admire; the ability to 'tell it like it is'.  My role models are not afraid to speak truth.  They are the ones I go to when I need a straight answer, no beating around the bush.  And yet, I find myself sorely lacking in this department.  I'm a people pleaser, a cup-half-full kind of girl. I cringe at the mere whiff of conflict.  Now, I'm not saying there's anything wrong with a positive attitude, as long as it's not fake.  Nothing wrong with saying "It's all good" until it's not all good.  It is incredibly humbling to open up to someone, to admit to struggles and frustrations.

We've been doing a little 'sleep training' at the Pearl house and it's bringing out both the best and worst.  Our sweet son is 14 weeks old and so much stronger than I give him credit for.  The mother bear instinct demands my immediate response when he cries; that is how God designed me.  And yet, we've arrived at the place where I believe he is capable of soothing himself (when all other needs have been met) and learning to fall asleep on his own.  It's not been an easy week, and yet we are seeing enormous progress and I am incredibly proud of that little man!  (So, maybe it's brought out his best and my worst!?)

There were certainly a few days, however, where Derek came home to a grouchy son and a wrung-out wife.  His response: a listening ear and a pint of Häagen-Dazs ice cream.  (Sorry ladies, you can't have him!)  My husband is incredible.  He is also one of those aforementioned people that tells it like it is.  And I needed that this week.  To be reminded that 'the book' (whichever one I happen to be basing my actions upon at the moment) is simply a guideline.  To be told that my feelings may be a bit extreme and yes, actually, it IS crazy to assume I can figure it all out in just one week. 

I wouldn't consider myself a particularly stubborn person.  This week, however, revealed another side of me.  A side with a desperate need to appear as though she has it all together.  (I don't fully want to claim her as ME; referring to her in the third person somehow makes it easier to admit these truths.)  I've never been a mom before and yet this other me feels guilty for not having all the answers.  Okay, if we're being honest, for having NO answers and wanting to pull my (her) hair out!  I held out for several unnecessary days before reaching out to other moms for thoughts, experience and advice.  

Thankfully, upon sucking it up and forming those dreaded words 'I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!' the responses were full of grace, encouragement and, surprisingly, admittance that at one point or another, they had also questioned their sanity.  And yes, they told me, it is all worth it and you're doing just fine!

My Abba, the God of the universe, can also be counted on for His incredible honesty.  On a particularly rough morning this week, with tears in my eyes, I sat down to read a few Psalms and was reminded of His unfathomable love, unprecedented faithfulness and immovable strength.  He is my Rock and Shelter no matter what may besiege me.  And yet His message was delivered with a humorous twist as I realize these words were written by a man being hunted and facing innumerable odds, a man in grave danger!  If God was there for David how can I possibly question His ability to handle my problems?!  He acknowledges that this is a 'battle' in my book and yes, He will meet me where I'm at.  But I do picture a bit of a smile on his face as He gently says 'Daughter, I've handled more daunting problems than nap time..'

When Owen isn't fighting sleep he is the epitome of JOY!  It's incredible how someone so tiny can make such a significant impact on his surroundings!  His 'talking' and big, gummy smiles are day makers.  When greeted by an extremely negative atmosphere in the post office a few days ago, Owen went straight to work with his charm and sweet cooing sounds.  Before we made our exit everyone in the room was smiling.
What else is new with Owen?  He met one set of great grandparents via Facetime.  His hair is getting lighter.  And he has very ticklish ribs!  Sucking on his hands has been a favorite pass time the last few weeks, but just yesterday he discovered his thumb and he's enthralled.

I'm learning to savor my evenings.  Once we kiss Owen and tuck him in for the night it is extremely tempting to tuck myself in as well.  I resist (most nights!) because not only is 7:30 a little pre-mature for bedtime, but Derek and I need time as 'just us'.  Whether drinking coffee and talking about our days, watching a movie or playing cribbage and eating m&m's..  I cherish these times with my best friend.  I NEED those times.  Marriage doesn't go on hold once you become parents, a fun hobby that you'll pick back up once the kiddos leave for college.  Being able to parent to the best of our ability stems from a healthy relationship with God and each other.  And that requires effort, commitment, staying up a little bit later and, on occasion, a beat down in cards :)

In the same way that I need to invest in my husband, I need quality time with Jesus!  He's been beckoning to me through His amazing creation this week.  Alright, I'll be honest.. I actually ventured outside in the wee hours of the morning for a banana.  But, once I was out there and saw the glorious array of twinkling lights I couldn't help but sit down and gaze at the heavens.  God is so magnificent!  The sunsets have been especially wonderful this week as well.  They actually stop me in my tracks and I can't help but say 'Wow, God.. you did it again!'
Psalm 19:1 'The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of His hands.' 

My un-prayed prayers?!

I've never been one to experience homesickness.  But moving to Hawaii has made me realize how much I took for granted the drastic change of seasons in Colorado.  Granted, most of the time summer turns straight to winter where I grew up!  But nothing beats fall in the mountains and lately I find my thoughts dwelling on crunchy, golden Aspen leaves, cozy scarves and crisp mountain air.  It never occurred to me that I could ask God for fall because, well, I live in Hawaii!
The last few weeks, however, have been rainy, cloudy and... surprisingly fall-like!  I've taken FULL advantage; lighting candles at every possible moment, baking pumpkin muffins, pumpkin pancakes for dinner and trading my well worn shorts and flip flops in for TOMS and, much to Derek's chagrin, a favorite pair of jeans!  ('Why would anyone choose to wear anything but shorts?!?', he says!)  God truly knows every nook and cranny of my heart!

Here's the thing, though.. I'm completely fickle and after three rainy weekends in a row I found myself lamenting how we haven't been to the beach 'in ages'!!  Oh Jesus, thank You for being so patient with me!  So, last weekend we made our way to the water before those rain clouds had a chance to roll in and had a glorious time!  Derek isn't a particularly huge fan of snorkeling unless he is armed with his spear gun (which is currently out of order) so he hung out with Owen while I dove in.  Have I mentioned how much I LOVE living on this island?!  The ocean temps are equivalent to Owen's bath water, the coral creations are magnificent and the schools of fish come in every shape, size and color!
There is certainly a first time for everything and this particular beach day that 'eveything' happened to be leaving the diaper bag at home.  But, like everything else on this journey called life, we said 'Well, we'll wing it!' and Owen certainly had no qualms about going au naturale for a bit!  He also loved floating in the water.  And Kai, who usually hangs out where he can touch, decided to one-up the baby and did a little 'deep' water swimming of his own!  Bravo, pup!

Another desire that I had yet to voice to my Papa was the need for other young moms in my life.  I never thought to pray about this because I have several incredible ladies in our church family that I consider both friends and mentors!  Yet, in the past few months God has brought several young mothers into my life, and I'm realizing this is exactly what my heart has been longing for!!  To be able to compare diaper rash creams and swap labor stories!  It's a breath of fresh air to be asked how my day was and be able to honestly respond, 'Well, I've been pooped on, spit up on and I broke all the rules and rocked my baby to sleep because he's THAT sweet!'  To be built up and encouraged by women of God giving their all to raise up godly men and women to lead this next generation!  Thank you, God.. for knowing me better than I know myself; for answering my un-prayed prayers.

All this rain did mean a few less work days for Derek, but Owen and I certainly didn't mind the extra family time or a lunch date at our favorite Thai restaurant!  We take life one day at a time around here and wouldn't want it any other way.  Our tiny son is three months old today.  It's amazing how much our life has changed in that time.  We laugh a little more, sleep a little less and find ourselves completely in awe of our God and this miracle He has blessed us with!  Owen is discovering his vocal chords and his hands; he is in constant motion.  He follows us with his eyes (especially as I leave the room at nap time!) and we've decided he is exceptionally smart! :) As I reflect on our days and see all the ways God meets our needs and then goes SO FAR BEYOND, answering prayers I've never even prayed, I am humbled. We serve a Mighty God; a God that truly KNOWS us!!
Psalm 139:1-4 'You have searched me, LORD, and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.  You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.  Before a word is on my tongue you, LORD, know it completely.'

Then I had Owen..

I've been putting this post off for awhile because.. let's face it, my tiny son is a hard act to follow!!

 [Just look at that face!]

Owen, however, is a bit preoccupied.  He's learned to suck on his hands, which means you're stuck with my version of our days..  

It's not that I ever disliked babies, but I was never crazy about them for extended periods of time.  I enjoyed holding them, but only for a few minutes.  I'd run through my portfolio of goofy faces and exhaust my 'baby talk' knowledge, then pass them along to the next pair of waiting arms.  The 'Bethel: Mom Edition' I would picture in my mind always included older kids.. at least ones that were walking and talking.  Babies are sweet, I'd say, but they're not really 'fun' until they can fly kites and use sidewalk chalk!

Then I had Owen.

And all those preconceived notions of mine flew right out the window.

He may not know English yet, but we carry on conversations all day long.  He may not be mobile but we manage to do our fair share of exploring.  He likes the jungle and swinging.  He critiques my baking skills on a daily basis.  Owen assists with the laundry folding, read here: we make forts out of the clean sheets!  And on rainy afternoons you'll find us crooning out Jack Johnson melodies and, when he'll allow it, snuggling.  We lay in his ocean (playmat) and read Bible stories- we're all the way up to Joshua! And I never get tired of those little fingers wrapped around mine. 

I was made for many things, some of which I have yet to discover, but becoming a mom has filled me in ways I didn't realize needed filling!  The sense of purpose my new 'role' has given me is absolutely incredible.  God designed me with Owen in mind and I wouldn't trade our days for anything.  I didn't know I was made to be a mom.. but the One who made me knew!

Derek doesn't get to spend as much time with Owen as I do.  But he more than makes up for it when he is home.  Those two... I tell you what, I have my work cut out for me :)  I've learned that when they're together I can usually count on Owen being naked or close to it.  They've discovered a new favorite sport: riding around the parking lot in a wheelchair, chasing Kai!  And our son's palate has recently been expanded to include watermelon and lemon. 

Owen has the best Dad :)

Between landscaping, tree trimming and coffee processing Derek's schedule stays full.  He enjoys his days.  Being self-employed is a wondrous thing!  And Owen and I love being able to tag along on occasion.  We even ventured to a new (to us) part of the island this weekend while he bid a tree job!  It's mind-boggling to think that just two years ago we would never have pictured ourselves living in Hawaii or starting a family!  We certainly didn't know that Derek would have his own business or that he would discover new God given abilities on a daily basis while doing work he truly enjoys!  But God knew..  

[ready to work!]

Once again, God is reminding me of the incredible value of THIS moment.  I'm a schemer, a dreamer.. and I often allow myself to get so caught up in tomorrow's plans that I neglect the beauty of today.  Thankfully, He is my Guide and doesn't let me wander aimlessly forever, constructing plans that may never come to pass.  He reminds me that all I have is right now and not to waste it!
We're going through the fruits of the Spirit at church and the message two weeks ago was on peace and this last Sunday was patience.  Talk about spot on.  The Devil didn't want me to hear either teaching; both times I had a completely valid excuse to sit it out.. Owen needed to eat or be bounced (have I mentioned how he moves constantly?!)  And then there was a diaper explosion to deal with.  But, thankfully, I was able to hear both lessons and they were, not surprisingly, exactly what I needed.
In short, when the Holy Spirit of God lives within us we will experience peace that the world cannot take away and does not understand (it surpasses all understanding! Philippians 4:7).  When we are surrendered to Jesus and our lives are directed by His Spirit we are given the strength to be patient.. with one another or with our circumstances, etc.  We can rest in the knowledge that God is in control.  Lamentations 3:24 'I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for Him." 
I don't know what is next for us, I don't even know what I'm making for dinner tonight!  But I'm learning about the peace that remains amidst uncertainty and the patience that takes each day as it comes.. confident to wait on my God, my Portion.  We have no idea of all that the future holds, but.. you guessed it, God knows!  And just like He has faithfully been doing throughout our entire lives, He simply calls us to live right now, embracing each moment, as He prepares us for what is to come.