Life Update && A Train Wreck of Emotions

Time spirals by so quickly. After spending two weeks short of a YEAR in a beautiful house up in the clouds, that home is selling and we have completed yet another move. We are now right on the water and adjusting to a bit more heat, humidity and bugs. But, oh, is it beautiful. And being able to paddle board or swim before breakfast is a dream come true.
Owen is growing at the speed of light and talking in three to four word sentences. His sense of humor is fantastic and he's started quoting movie lines out of the blue. Seriously funny stuff. The latest bit of hilarity came after watching the Jungle Book; I heard him saying in sing-song voice, 'Truss iiin meee' the song that the snake, Kaa, sings in attempts to hypnotize Mowgli. I laughed until I cried, (but maybe you had to be there...?) Anyway, it's safe to say that we love our days with this little man and there is never a dull moment.
We're working hard on teaching Owen swimming skills. With the ocean in our front yard, it's nothing to mess around about. But he is a quick study and has always loved water. He goes out paddle boarding with us now and loves to dangle his hands in the water and name all the ocean creatures he knows. He also 'swims' back and forth between us as Derek and I tread water, and he's pretty sure that's the best thing ever!

(Owen is loving the new front yard.) 

Derek is working hard and continually growing his business. I'm very proud to be married to such an inventive man. In his free time he's taken up wood working and is creating gorgeous benches, chairs and tables out of the different tree stumps he cuts down. I'm not sure that there's anything (other than diaper changing or laundry folding) that this man can't master. It is a privilege to walk through life next to him.
I am still working three days a week as our church secretary and taking Owen with me, which is quite the learning experience for both of us. I also oversee a vacation rental property (one of the last houses we lived in) and keep things running as smoothly as possible on that front. I'm in search of 'balance' because as much as I love being out and about, accomplishing a bit more and bringing home a paycheck, I do miss the stay-at-home mom days. Ahh, the seasons of life! Anyone else guilty of wanting whatever it is they don't have right at that moment??

Life is such a journey. We take it one day at a time because that is all we truly have. My heart is growing a bit weary of care-taking life, silly as that may be, and so I've been dealing with mixed emotions as we transition yet again. It's hard to live an unknown (although that's really what all of life is). We might be here a few months... maybe more, maybe less. And I need to be okay with that.
We have a gorgeous house to live in for now and yet I long for a place of our own. I'm abundantly grateful for all the work opportunities I have right now and yet I'm exhausted and have stretched myself too thin. We are living a life that 98% of the world only dreams of experiencing and yet the missing of family (and ghastly price of airline tickets) is real and hard and a lump in my throat that I'm tired of swallowing around. See what I mean? SERIOUS mixed emotions, all over the place. This past Sunday's message spoke directly to this sore spot inside of me; the one all tangled up with messy feelings.
Our pastor shared about the emotions of Jesus and showed examples throughout the gospels. He spoke of emotions not actually being a 'bad' thing but rather a mis-used tool. They do, like everything else in our lives, need to be surrendered to God and I think that's where I've been messing up. I say 'Here's my heart, God. Here's my days. Here's my hopes and fears. Take my life.' But then I go through life with this train-wreck of emotions on my plate and they're MY emotions and I need to deal with them and they're sucking me under while God is calling out, 'GIVE THEM TO ME, Daughter!' They don't have to run this show.

Think how our days could change if our emotions were in line with the emotions of the Creator! What if our hearts, instead of being caught up in the trivial and pety, only broke over what breaks The Father's heart? What if we were excited: genuine, jumping-up-and-down, STOKED about the things that Jesus gets excited about? What then? And something inside of me cracked open as I realized this tremendous burden I've been refusing to surrender. How did I ever think I was capable of wrestling this beast on my own, anyway? I also got excited about the potential within me, if only I can line up this mess of feelings with His will and His heart!
I woke up the next morning and my devotion was on the hymn 'Come, Thou Fount'. What a beautiful song. The line that stuck with me as I tried to do this week with a different outlook was, 'Tune my heart to sing Thy grace' That word 'tune', as a verb, is defined as 'adjusting (a musical instrument) to the correct or uniform pitch' and 'adjusting.. to the frequency of the required signal.' I'm the one that's singing the wrong tune (or not singing at all, somedays) and Jesus desperately wants my heart on the same frequency as His. Tune my heart to the signal of heaven, Jesus; to an eternity with You. It is there, and only there, that my heart will be truly satisfied and all these restless wanderings will cease.
And as I live out my days on this earth, there are 'streams of grace' found in Him, and an overflowing joy and passion for things that truly matter. May we line our emotions up with Him and let Jesus transform our outlook, filling us with the peace of God, 'which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.' (Philippians 4:7 NLT)
And I have to leave you with just a bit more of that amazing song..

Oh, to grace how great a debtor

Daily I'm constrained to be,

Let that grace now like a fetter

Bind my wandering heart to Thee:

Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,

Prone to leave the God I love.

Here's my heart, oh, take and seal it,

Seal it for Thy courts above.

{Robert Robinson 1735-1790}