Doors.

They tell us that when one door closes another will open. Simple, right? Well, I've learned a few things about 'doors' in the past few months and let me tell you, my friend, it is anything but simplicity. A few details 'they' forgot to mention about said doors:
1) When a door closes it is hard. (Especially if you are running at top speed towards it, fully expecting it to swing wide and end up running face first into that very well constructed and definitely-still-closed door. Ice pack, anyone?)
2) When one door closes you might have to wait awhile for another to open. And that in between part... yep, it might be extremely hard.
3) When the next door does, indeed, open... you may not realize it. Or you may be in denial! Either way, it won't necessarily have butterflies and rainbows shooting out of it. Walking through that open door may also be, you guessed it, hard.

Glad I got that off my chest. See, we have been dealing with a lot of closed doors the past few months. And yes, I did receive more than one 'bloody nose' from stubbornly running straight into these doors with the assumption that they would eventually open.
Our 'Hawaii journey' has been one example of God's providence after the next. We have transitioned from one home to the next, one opportunity to the next and one miracle to the next, with an unbelievable amount of ease. It has been so obvious that this is where God wants us and that He is making a way. He is our provider; He is Jehovah Jireh.
But in the past few months God started revealing something new to us. Of course, we didn't realize it at first. Doors started closing on this end and we took it in stride, confident that He would open a new one. Then they kept closing and, with no open ones in sight, we started wondering just how long we would need to spend in the in-between. (As mentioned in a previous post, it is my least favorite place to hang out!) And then, at long last, we realized the open doors for what they were and.... we chose to continue biding our time in the in-between because SURELY, God didn't actually mean for us to walk through that door??! See, I wasn't kidding about the denial part.

But enough beating around the bushes (or palm trees, in this case!) Our Hawaii journey is coming to an end, my friends. No more living vicariously through my tropical pictures and posts! We are heading back to the mainland and a new chapter is beginning. And now that we have opened our hearts to this 'something new' we are absolutely astonished at the ways God has orchestrated the transition. This is hard, I suspect that change always is (especially when it includes leaving friendships that are absolutely irreplaceable and a group of people that have truly become our family), but it can also be excellent.
'See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.' Isaiah 43:19
One of the 'nuggets' that has stayed with me since Derek and I studied in YWAM is the 'open-hand policy'. This is the idea that if we hold tight to something, it is going to be very painful if/when God takes that thing away. If our hands are in the open position, however; palms up and fingers extended, it is so much simpler for things to be removed from our grasp. When God takes things out of our life it is usually because He is going to replace it with something else. But just like a toddler with grubby fingers wrapped tightly around an empty cup, we do not realize our Father's intentions to FILL UP THE CUP and we throw a fit. Solely focused on what is being 'taken away' we are not aware of what is about to be given to us!
Open hands, my friends. Open hands, Bethel.
'Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever! Amen.' Ephesians 3:20

C.S Lewis said, "There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind." And it is hard to fathom any experiences surpassing the wonderful 3.5 years we have spent on this island. But God has a way of exceeding expectations every time. Not only is He able to go above and beyond anything we ask of Him; Paul tells the Ephesian church (and us!) that our God is able to do 'immeasurably more' than we could ever conjure up in our wildest dreams. Our imaginations can not grasp all that He has in store!
And, of course, I believe Mr. Lewis was speaking of our eternal destination and not just the body of land we currently reside in. Derek reminded me of this as he prayed the other day, saying, 'God, we have no question of where we will spend eternity. We are simply searching for our next temporary dwelling. And we trust You completely.' This world is not our home. We are just passing through!
So this chapter comes to a close and, with open hands, we turn the first page of a brand new one! Our bags are packed and all our worldly possessions are floating in the middle of the Pacific Ocean! It's not that the next season need 'top' this last one. But rather, we acknowledge that when we trust Jesus and journey with Him, He will continually lead us forward into greater things which He has been orchestrating since the beginning of time. And yes, goodbyes on this end will be heart breaking. But having confidence in God's purposes for us on the other side (and a whole heap of family members waiting to hug us and get to know our boys!) makes for bittersweet tears as we step through the new door that God has opened.

Mountain Moving Mustard Seed

Transitioning is a hard place to be; the in-between, the unknown, the waiting before the doing. Quite frankly, it's my least favorite place to be. I long to be 'there', wherever that may be. I need to know, I want to DO. And it is in these hallways of life, not knowing which door to choose or if any of them will actually open, that my faith can be called into question. Is it strong enough to withstand? Will I have enough of it to keep hoping, keep believing?
But Jesus told His disciples, "If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." Matthew 17:20 And that resonates within me as I'm here feeling oh-so-small. A grain of mustard seed is usually 1-2 millimeters in size: minuscule! But Jesus says He can work with the smallest of small and goes so far as to say they can be mountain movers. I can be a mountain mover. "Nothing will be impossible for you."

So, yes, this is cause for head held a bit higher in whichever of life's 'hallways' I'm currently biding time in. But, let's be honest, the waiting continues and it's still not enjoyable and I desperately need wisdom. The decisions can be daunting and the ramifications far reaching and does anyone else want to come over and be the adult right about now?! But God promises to give wisdom to those who are lacking in that department, ahem.. ME! 'If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.' James 1:5
And so I cling to that verse and I request said wisdom. I ask every single morning, in my rocking chair on the front porch, and I ask at noon time and I ask in all the in-between places and in the quiet of the night as I wait for sleep to take over. I wait for that lightbulb to click on and the path to become crystal clear! But as I spoke to my parents a few weeks ago, I realized that not only does the first part of that verse apply to me, but the second part, too. 'But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind.' James 1:6 With tears in my eyes, I confessed my doubt and the fact that I am that wave and I'm being tossed ALL OVER this sea of unknowns.

Thankfully, my Dad was quick to remind me that Jesus doesn't give up on doubters and he pointed me to the story of Peter in Matthew 14. 
Jesus has just given the disciples the scare of the century by WALKING to them across the water, in the midst of a vicious storm. Once they realize it is Him, however, Peter takes it to the next level. Always the eager one, the go-getter, he calls out "Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water." And Jesus says, "Come." So Peter hops out of the boat! And at first, it works! 'Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus.' PETER WALKS ON THE WATER!! Unreal.
'But when he saw the wind, he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, "Lord, save me."  Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him, saying to him, "O you of little faith, why did you doubt?" [from Matthew 14:28-31]

I notice a few things here. Obviously, the sweet sweet fact that 'Jesus immediately reached out His hand'! As soon as Peter cries out for help, Jesus responds, Jesus rescues. He doesn't mess with him, He doesn't let him flounder a little just to prove a point. He is THERE and He saves immediately, even though Peter is a doubter. I let the wind and waves draw my attention off the Savior and I, too, begin to sink and it is scary! But there is redemption. There is grace. He WILL reach out His hand and pull me back to the surface. *Insert giant sigh of relief.*
But Jesus does ask why Peter doubted. There is abundant grace but Jesus will always speak the truth and Peter is not off the hook. I am not off the hook. He calls him 'you of little faith' and Peter will have to process this and come to terms with it. But two chapters later we find Jesus calling out the good in him, 'And I tell you that you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of Hades will not overcome it.' Matthew 16:18 He had little faith, he let the waves suck him down AND YET Jesus says He will build His church on this man. Jesus saw a mountain moving mustard seed in him. And He sees that in you and I, too!

And the lyrics of Hillsong United's song, Oceans, keeps trickling through my brain and turning up on my Pandora stations...

You call me out upon the waters

The great unknown where feet may fail

And there I find You in the mystery

In oceans deep

My faith will stand

And I will call upon Your name

And keep my eyes above the waves

When oceans rise

My soul will rest in Your embrace

For I am Yours and You are mine

...

My friend texted me a few days ago, saying that she felt she was supposed to send me these verses: Matthew 14:27-32 She wasn't sure why or how they could apply to my life, but she was obedient. Little did she realize these were the exact verses that have been on my mind all week. She was being used to remind me of Peter's venturing out onto the water, the pull of the waves and the strong, steady hand of Jesus. God was telling me to take this seriously; to not write off this hallway waiting period and to stop doubting the amount of faith He has already placed within me. The time will come to act, to move, and I must be ready.

Your grace abounds in deepest waters

Your sovereign hand

Will be my guide

Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me

You've never failed and You won't start now

So I will call upon Your name

And keep my eyes above the waves

When oceans rise

My soul will rest in Your embrace

For I am Yours and You are mine

...

And so I lift my eyes up. I take my attention off the waves, off the unknowns and the restless pull of my heart, and I look to Jesus. He is right here next to me in this hallway of life.. and in the same way that He offered the opportunity to Peter, so he calls to me, 'Come.' And I realize that my faith, mustard seed that it is, is all that is required to step out of the boat. I too can walk on water when the Savior is in front of me! And as I draw near to Him my faith can increase as my fears decrease. It doesn't say Jesus carries Peter back to the boat which leads me to believe that they walked back together; step by step across those rolling waves. 'And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down.' Matthew 14:32 

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders

Let me walk upon the waters

Wherever You would call me

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander

And my faith will be made stronger

In the presence of my Savior

...

We will all face difficult decisions, we will each spend time in the in-between. There are mountains towering over each of us and we will find cause to doubt. But Jesus can and will use us and our mustard seed of faith. He will work in us, He will lead us through to the other side and, believe it or not, we can walk on water. We can move mountains as soon as we stop doubting that it's possible! Joshua 1:9 'Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.'

Please check out this song that I referenced.. Hillsong United: Oceans <---- Seriously, it's incredible!