My 'just right' Sherlock Holmes..

He came home bearing an extra large, strawberry limeade that had originally been frozen. He had to drive it an hour home to me, so really only the middle was still frozen. But that was the plan.. that's why he started out with an extra-large! And I'm sitting here sipping it, thinking 'How many husbands do this?!' Seriously. So grateful. (And truly savoring this frozen, strawberry goodness after an extremely hot afternoon..)

Six years we've been married, my best friend and I. A lifetime, really. We have 11 moves under our belt, including two across the Pacific Ocean. Two babies have been added to the adventure. Multiple business endeavors have been embarked on as we've dealt with everything from coffee beans to excavators. And the exciting part is that I am constantly learning new things about this amazing man I call 'Husband'. Reminiscing all our shenanigans has me realizing I said, 'I do!' knowing only the tip of this iceberg that is Derek Pearl.
This summer I've cheered my husband on at softball games, watched him coach a little league baseball team, listened to him teach Owen about greasing bolts on a skid steer and sat next to him as he created house plans for The Mission. I was amazed, but not really surprised, to see him hop right in the middle of the action at a branding party and start wrestling calves! (Then he made ME get in there and wrestle a cow, too!) He can rock Danny to sleep like a Baby Whisperer and make me laugh until my stomach muscles hurt. I get the front row seat, on a regular basis, to the incredible learning process that takes place once my husband decides to master a new skill-set.

Honestly, I had no idea what I was getting myself into on that most-perfect-July 24th-day, six years ago. How could I have known? I had never needed to support Derek as he built a business from the ground up. I'd never embarked into the unknown with a single suitcase holding all my worldly possessions. Shoot, I'd never delivered a child before! And now we have tackled all those challenges, and countless more, side-by-side, and I not only like him more than ever before but I have enormous respect for him.
Respect in a relationship is vital for many reasons, one of those reasons is tied to the fact that marriage is not always butterflies and champagne. Believe it or not, we don't always fall into each other's arms at the end of a long day. Sometimes I ramble off an entire thought process only to realize that Derek is not exactly paying attention. Other times he takes the unnecessary brunt of my sorting through the day's frustrations. But, regardless of our 'feelings', respect will choose to believe the best in each other even when our significant other is at their worst. Respect enables us to work through differences. Respect extends grace to this imperfect person we have committed to forever with!

Derek and I have laughed a lot but we've also cried (or, rather, he's learned how to deal with my crying) and we've gritted our teeth out of both perseverance and frustration. United as a team, we've had to learn new levels of sacrifice and grace. Our journey has required many leaps of faith and we've also fought the hardest battle of choosing to be content during the in-between. We've learned how to communicate and how to be comfortable with each other in the midst of silence. Marriage is not always easy, but it is very good and we have a heck of a lot of fun in the midst of all the chaos.
Last year we took this personality quiz that was actually pretty enlightening. At the end it shows you well-known people/characters that fall under the same category as you. We weren't surprised to see Sherlock Holmes on Derek's list and Dr. Watson on mine. Two very different sides of a coin; we desperately need the other to be a whole. When we ventured off to Hawaii, a year and a half into this marriage journey, we had more than one person make the comment that, 'Bethel couldn't do this without Derek and Derek wouldn't want to do this without Bethel.'

In the beginning, as God created with flourish and pizzazz, He described this world and each brand new creature and plant as 'Good!' But when He came to Adam, 'the LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him." ' [Genesis 2:18 NLT] Then Eve enters the scene, the grand finale of His magnificent creation, she was the missing piece that was 'just right'. And this partnering to journey through life, the miracle of two becoming one, is the gift of marriage. There will be plenty of mistakes and misunderstandings, but as husband and wife choose to love and respect one another, committing to continually learn each other for the rest of their days, they too- flaws and all- become the 'just right' pair that God calls 'very good!'
Derek is breath taking, not in the cheesy, Disney-movie version.. although he does clean up gooood! My husband literally takes my breath away as he never stops going, discovering, accomplishing, playing, working, giving, adventuring and daily living out his love for his Savior, for me and for our family. Basically, the more people I meet- the more I appreciate, enjoy and respect my husband.

I think it's rather fitting what Donald Miller says in his book Scary Close, 'Love is not a game any of us can win, it's just a story we can live and enjoy. It's a noble ambition, then, to add a chapter to the story of love, and to make our chapter a good one.' 

I can only imagine what our journey will look like after another six years, leave alone another 60 years! I pray that we will never stop learning each other, balancing both love and respect for one another, going out of our way to inspire a smile (or guffaw!) and knowing that, despite all our quirks, we are truly 'just right' for the other.
Happy Anniversary to my Sherlock Holmes. Thank you for being real with me, encouraging me to be brave and driving frozen lemonade all the way up the mountain for me. As we journey deeper into life together, there is no doubt in my mind that our chapter has been, and will continue to be, an exceptionally good one!

Choosing Grace.

Bouncing my way over bumpy, dirt roads I sipped re-heated coffee and half-listened to Owen's chatter in the backseat. The mountains rose dramatically in front of me and their grandeur began to penetrate my haze. Daniel had fallen asleep as soon as we began driving and the relief was tangible. In the quiet, I also realized I may have overdramatized the whole ordeal.
The afternoon's frustration stemmed from a restless baby and significant lack of accomplishments or, for that matter, breathing time for yours truly. I hadn't had a moment alone since the day began and as the temperature climbed into the 100's in our shell home, so did my sense of urgency to escape it all. And so we drove. But as everyone calmed down, I started questioning my quick arrival at 'wit's end' and guilt began to seep in. Had the afternoon really been that tough? How was I still such a rookie?

Fresh, mountain air is a remedy for almost any ailments. And pity-parties tend to loose steam in comparison to God's beauty. I've never even labeled my little big guy as being 'fussy' before.. not in his entire seven months of living! He is truly our little sunshine boy, with an incredibly joyful and content personality. One afternoon of crying was so minor on the scale of 'things that should work me into a frenzy'. 

You can imagine how I quickly began to regret my lack of patience with sweet Danny Dude. Then I glanced in the rearview mirror and saw a far away look in Owen's eyes as he slowly munched a cucumber. I added to my list of offenses 'loading a fragile two year old in the car immediately upon his waking from a snooze'. How could I be this much of a mess? Why did I not have more patience with these little people gifted to me? I also felt bad for bailing right before Derek would be heading home from work. Wife of the year award right there. And shame settled in like a weight.

I'm currently reading in Mark and seeing Jesus combat guilt and shame with a grace that is both intentional and intense. In Mark 1:40-42 He heals a leper with a single touch. Apart from the fact that the man was immediately cured, this single act of being touched had to be phenomenal for a man previously considered untouchable. When people were infected with this disease, Jewish law required them to live alone, 'outside the camp', with hair uncut and wearing clothes that were torn, all while crying out 'Unclean, unclean.' [Leviticus 14:45-46] Can you even imagine the shame?! This man asks Jesus if he would even be willing to heal him and it says Jesus was indignant. He immediately reaches out to touch the man, saying, 'I am willing. Be clean!' 

I realized I had a choice to make and no one else on those dusty backroads could make it for me. Would I let guilt keep talking or would I shut it up and allow Grace to reach out and touch me? If I do not choose to live in Grace, I will drown in the countless opportunities to over-analyze my actions and pronounce judgement. But Jesus is indignant that I would even hesitate to ask, that shame would cause me to delay for even a moment before running straight to Him for healing.

I fall short in countless ways. This particular afternoon is just one example and, in hind sight, my exasperation was rather trivial. But the temptation to dwell in shame, regret or guilt is all around and can take on many forms, sometimes seeming even larger than life. Becoming a wife and mother intensifies this reality in my own life; when people lean on me, looking for support and answers and a good example, the chance of failure is simply that much greater . I question whether I'm giving it my all and I grow weary and I battle feelings of longing for something more in my days. But if I give it the power, this guilt will begin to define me.

'Leprosy' was a term used to reference various skin-affecting diseases. But this word is used quite often in the Bible and represents a sickness that goes deeper than physical. My sin makes me spiritually unclean and deserving of a sentence to live alone, drowning in shame. But Jesus reaches out to me, to the leper, to every single one of us, saying, 'I am willing. Be clean!' And He destroys the barrier that sin creates. He touches the untouchable and invites us back into community, into His very family. And if we let it, Grace will re-define us, setting us free from guilt and shame. 'So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.' John 8:36

So today I am choosing Grace. I listen to the One who tells me who I really am and reminds me of the potential He sees in me. Tomorrow the choice will be mine to make again. Thank goodness God paints reminders across the very sky for me and lets His message echo through the words sung in church on Sunday. He is always reaching out. He is always willing if we will simply choose Grace.

'Where sin runs deep, Your grace is more. 

Where grace is found, is where You are. 

Where you are, Lord, I am free. 

Holiness is Christ in me. 

Yes, where you are, Lord, I am free. 

Holiness is Christ in me.' 

-Matt Maher