gourmet grilled cheese

All it took was this simple line of lyrics, 'When I am dry You fill my cup..' and the lightbulb clicked on bright and the tears threatened to overflow.  And maybe I should back up a little..
When we arrived at church, Sunday morning, my hair was not brushed and the power point slides were not finished.  Owen was in desperate need of a nap and Derek needed a coffee refill ASAP.  It had been a long week.  An incredible week.  A blessed week.  But still, a very long one and Sunday morning found us completely.. spent.

Turns out, moving day week is exhausting whether you transition to another state or simply, another street.  I am weary.  I've been staying up late, getting up early and unpacking boxes every time Owen takes a nap.  The little man has been a trooper but his internal clock is a little freaked out.  Derek is working like a mad man and my pantry still isn't organized so he's come home to grilled cheese on multiple evenings.  Did I mention I was weary?

And yet it's been such an incredible week.  I could certainly write an entire post about all the goodness; the gorgeous view we look out at every single day, the grass we play in, the sweet baby stories that fill the house.  Our church had a family day this weekend, complete with shaved ice, ping pong competitions and a rented water slide!!  (Derek and I may have had just as much fun as the kids on that slide....)  Goodness.  Abundant goodness.  Friends and coconut cookies and Kai has his very own yard.  I have my very own toaster!  Derek has jobs and more jobs!  And Owen has... frozen teethers, in plenty!

But my neck is still kinked and the laundry is piling as the motivation dwindles.  And it's such an obvious solution to my empty; but it takes a whole week to realize my desperate need to be filled!  The 'E light' has been on for awhile and why am I neglecting it?  My devotional, Jesus Calling, reminds me of Matthew 5:6 'Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.'  And the worship in church reminds me Who it is that fills my cup.  And I ask myself how I got so dry?
Yes, there is the chapter in the morning before rushing off to work and diapers.  And when my 10-12 hour a night baby decides to get up every 2-3 hours I use that Bible app on my phone in attempts to keep my eyes open while he eats.  But I need more.  That's a granola bar to tide me over till dinner which is perfectly fine unless I never actually sit down and EAT dinner!  Girl cannot live on Clif bars alone!

But what's the answer?  Do I get up even earlier?  Stay up later?  Add yet another cup of coffee to my daily intake. (Yikes!)  Do I short Derek the few hours we have of 'just us' in the evenings?  None of these are a solution.  But I go back to that verse in Matthew and it says I need to HUNGER.  I realize that amidst the chaos of the past few days, none of us have been skipping meals.  When we are hungry, we eat.  And the menu is simple but we're taking the time, we're talking about our day; we watch the sunset and we are FILLED.  We open the bottle of wine from our friends and I don't think Pinot Gris is usually paired with grilled cheese, but all of a sudden simple becomes beautiful and gourmet.

In the same way, Jesus longs for me to choose to be with Him, to hunger after righteousness!  And He will meet me where I'm at; simple becoming beautiful and gourmet.  He longs to FILL me.  I can only imagine how it pains him to see me attempting to live out of my own strength when He has SO MUCH MORE to offer.  It's not about length and I don't need another devotional but I must choose to eat.  Gazing at the moon at 4AM I whisper, 'Thank you, Papa!'  Chasing a butterfly with Owen and finally having it land right in front of us, the model of magnificence, I let Owen hear me say it, 'Thank you, Jesus!'  And the dishes can wait a little longer while I spend a few minutes on my knees in the morning.  And I am filled.  The weary is traded for renewal, every time I listen to those hunger pains.

May we look for Jesus in every minute of every day; acknowledging His Spirit at work, thanking Him, taking the time to feast with Him.  And as I do this I feel the load lifting, the spring returning to my step.  I come to Him in simplicity and He makes it gourmet.  He fills me with that SO MUCH MORE and enables me to live fully and give beyond anything I could've given on my own.