More than I could bear..

“I want to see beauty. In the ugly, in the sink, in the suffering, in the daily, in all the days before I die, the moments before I sleep.”  Ann Voskamp

I borrowed an idea from my cousin, this putting words to my thanks for the thirty days of November. I've done it for a few years and, for the most part, found it a simple and easy task leading up to Turkey Day. But this time around has been different. This month has been a hard road to walk and there were days where I did not want to look for beauty amidst the mess. I did not want to be thankful.

No one said giving thanks would be easy, but in 1 Thessalonians Paul does say to do it in all circumstances; he says it truly is God's will for us, this lifestyle of thanksgiving. And so, I kept on with the thanking. 
I wish I could say that my motives were purely spiritual, but honestly, I just can't stand to back out of a challenge once I've begun. And so, I had to be deliberate about the thanking. There were days when the goodness was not incredibly obvious. I had to make a choice to call out that which was good amidst the pain and then thank the Giver. And it did something inside me. 
It's easy to give thanks for the obvious. It's when the obvious is lacking and you have to dig a bit deeper; that's where transformation begins. I found myself searching for good in the yuck and the heart break and the lump in my throat and what I found was surprising. I found grace where I least expected it. I found that there was still reason for a grateful heart in the darkest of circumstances. Why would God tell me to give thanks no matter what unless there would always be reason to do so? 

So here's where I'm going to say something crazy. (Don't say I didn't warn you!) See, I can't find anywhere in the Bible where it actually says 'God won't give us more than we can handle'. What I DO find in 1 Corinthians 10:13 is Paul's assurance about God, that 'he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will provide a way out so that you can endure it.' I think that's where we start to miss-quote. But the thing is, there are countless scriptures referring to believers being overwhelmed and obviously faced with more than they can handle! In 2 Corinthians 1:8 we find Paul describing a situation in which they were 'under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired of life itself.'  
This would be incredibly depressing if not for what Paul says next (in verse 9), 'But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead.' And I'm reminded, once again, that it's not about me and my strength but the power of the One who calls into being that which is not and yes, RAISES THE DEAD! And so I'm just going to say it and you don't have to keep reading, but I think we are faced with things we can't bear. I think God allows difficulties and sickness to touch our lives; circumstances that will be painful and difficult and heart breaking, SO THAT we can realize our need for a Strength not our own. 
And as for that misquoted verse, about the tempting? Well, yeah.. I was very tempted to wallow in my sorrow this week. We made multiple trips to the ER as my husband battled a poisonous and very infected (Brown Recluse suspected) bite. We mourned the loss of my Grandpa and I missed out on the gathering of my parents and all four brothers in one place, at one time. The Devil wanted me to give in to the overwhelming emotions I faced. And I did, several times. I'm not proud of that. But God did provide a way out, He does every time. And the vehicle for escape in this situation was THANKSGIVING. (See, it really is all connected! Bear with me here..)

Chesterton said "Hope is the power of being cheerful in circumstances that we know to be desperate." And we're not talking a 'fake', Pollyanna-kind-of-cheerful here. Ecclesiastes 3:4 says there is 'a time to weep' and 'a time to mourn' and I did those in plenty this past week. But to rely on the God who controls it all, to realize the GOOD that only He can bring out of any and every situation; that is where HOPE begins. That is the way out that He provides when we are tempted to give in to despair, to grumbling, to worry. And that's why the other part of Ecclesiastes 3:4 talks of laughing and dancing, because it's all connected. Giving thanks brings freedom. Giving thanks might not change circumstances but it sure changes hearts. And giving thanks has the power to draw our attention off of the situation and on to Jesus! 
So I'm discovering diamonds in the rough, chasing grace through the whirlwind of life. It might be scary to acknowledge that we'll face things we can not handle. But it is in the reaching and acknowledging of our own limitations that we can rely fully on the One who is truly in control. And choosing to be grateful, even on the dark days, is what thanksgiving is truly about.

'...the secret to joy is to keep seeking God where we doubt He is.' Ann Voskamp