Voices

When people claim 'voices in their head', we tend to take everything else proceeding from their mouths with a grain of salt, or maybe an entire salt block! But lately I've been hearing a few voices of my own and, therefore, decided not to be so quick to judge. (Funny how that works, right?!) In fact, I'm starting to believe these voices may exist in every head; the varying factor simply being the volume we allow each voice, the ones we choose to listen to.
Now, I'm no expert. I don't claim a degree in 'voice classification'. But, as far as I can tell, there's at least four basic categories: the voice of the world, the voice of the enemy, the voice of my self and the voice of Truth. Those all break down into more specific classifications, of course, but let's not get in over our heads here.

The past few months of my life have been extremely beautiful and extremely hard. And, yes, those two can co-exist... but that's a post for another afternoon. From the depths of postpartum blues and several rounds of sickness that left me with nothing left to give, I started hearing devastating phrases echoing through the corridors of my mind. 'You don't have what it takes.' 'Your boys deserve a better Mom.' 'How pathetic, you can't take care of your self or your family.' 'All the other moms seem to have it all figured out.' 'Your husband deserves a wife who has her act together.' And so on and so forth.
You get the picture; it's not a pretty one. Typing these words makes me cringe and yet, in the moment... head ache pounding, babies screaming, temperatures below freezing.. I believed them. I bought into the lie. I turned the volume up on the wrong voices and I let them run rampant.
I knew what was happening; understood that these feelings and thoughts were welling up from the mass of emotions and hormones and 'new' in my life. This knowledge didn't stop me from allowing the taunting voices to take over my mind for a time. It was easier, simpler perhaps, to let them talk than to rise to their challenge. The weapons needed to fight were at my disposal, I knew exactly what would send the depression packing: the name of Jesus, a thankful heart, opening up to those around me and admitting my need for help. But the mountain of emotions (and laundry and dishes and dirty diapers) seemed insurmountable.

I was driving down the mountain for a doctor appointment when God spoke to me right through the radio station. It was the Casting Crowns song 'Voice of Truth'; these lyrics released the pressure within and gave me the courage I needed to take a stand. Telling the stories of Peter's attempt at water walking and David's facing of Goliath with simple sling and stone, this song contrasts the voice of the monsters, the insurmountable and the terrifying with the only Voice that truly matters.

But the voice of truth tells me a different story

And the voice of truth says, 'Do not be afraid!'

And the voice of truths says, 'This is for my glory!'

Out of all the voices calling out to me,

I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth.

-Casting Crowns

It was no coincidence that 'voices' were also mentioned in the very next sermon I heard and the next chapter I read in my book. Okay okay, Papa God, I hear You! 

It matters not what battle you are facing, my friend. I understand that not everyone reading this is in the same boat as I am. But the voices of the world, of the enemy, even the voice of self- they don't care what season of life we are in. They will use any opportunity to utter their opinions, their lies. They start as a whisper, confirming deepest fears that we are, in fact, not enough or maybe we are too much. Comparing us to those around, preying on our weakest points, these voices twist reality and feed into fear and doubt. Reminding us of a life we once wished for, they stir feelings of discontent and hopelessness. They are relentless and must be turned off. May we not forget that we control the volume!

'My job was to put the good words on repeat so the bad words couldn't compete.' 

-Leeana Tankersley

The thief comes only to steal snd kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. John 10:10

The voice of Truth, it will never force itself, but is capable of changing everything. We must choose to turn up that still, small voice [1 Kings 9:12]. This one and only Voice that matters; it makes those mountains surmountable and gives the courage necessary to face up to the terrifying seasons of life stretching out before us. And if we listen to Truth consistently, let it penetrate the darkest pockets of our minds, it will begin to transform. I'm learning ways to thrive in this season instead of simply surviving. Some days may still feel impossible and leave me depleted of all resources. But that doesn't make me a failure. If I listen closely I can hear the voice of Truth telling a different story. He whispers that I am exactly where I'm supposed to be and this will be for His glory. 'Daughter, I am with you. I am for you! Don't give up the fight.'

Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free. John 8:32

Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path. Psalm 119:105

May we turn up the volume on Truth; let His light shine in the darkness. I know it can feel impossible, but we DO have what it takes, with the help of the Helper! And we are able, my friend, to rise to the challenges before us. Allow hope to enter in; choose life, grace and beauty over the suffocating voice of darkness. May we choose to listen to the right words; believe that this season, hard as it may be, has massive potential to also be beautiful. 

xo