Gold!

On our ride home this evening, I glanced back at the bike trailer hooked to my bike and saw Owen's arm lovingly draped over Daniel. The one rule while we're out riding is 'Keep your hands to yourself!' because I do not want to pull over on the side of the road and deal with a bloody nose. But this.... well, this was an exception.
And yesterday Owen gave 'Danny Dude', as he calls him, a tiny lick of his ice cream cone. This act of kindness and generosity quickly went south as chunky baby hands grabbed at drippy, chocolate goodness. But these moments, I tell ya what, they are gold.

When I wash Daniel's face after meals he acts like I'm torturing him (wonder where he learned that..) but Owen took charge the other day and scrub-a-dub dubbed without a PEEP of complaint from his little brother.
I sit them across from each other on the rug with a pile of legos in the middle and the chattering, laughing and pterodactyl screeches that ensue is priceless. They genuinely like each other.. most of the time. We have our fair share of toy snatching and hair pulling and jealousy over attention the other is receiving. But the friendship growing between my boys makes my heart glad. The thought of all the adventures to come excites me to no end.

Sometimes our days blur together. Sometimes I'm a hot mess. I literally paid for my groceries last week and then walked away and the cashier had to chase me down and remind me that I didn't pick up any of my bagged purchases! Wow. Distracted much?! But then we sit in the field and pick wildflowers and giggle about beetles and I sense it deep within: fulfillment. These days, these lives entrusted to me, these sweet hands tucked safe into mine... this is gold!

So, here's a letter to my little men. Because one day all that will remain of me is memories of adventures had and the words I took the time to write down..

My Boys,

Oh, how I love you. I have never known a love quite as fierce, yet as tender, as what I feel towards you both. 

The world wants me to tame you, to shove you into their box; they would have you conform and fit in and not ruffle any feathers. But I can’t do it. I can not take away your wild, your sense of adventure, the way you balk at tight spaces and clean faces and ‘inside voices’. You are warriors. In a world of apathy and resignation, you were born to ruffle feathers and make a stand and shout at the top of your lungs. And I love that.

Now, you must know that I can not allow you to become tyrants. I’ll tell you a secret about your Dad: what makes him so irresistible is that hand-in-hand with his ‘wild thing’ personality is the fact that he is, through and through, a gentleman. And that is how I aim to raise you two. I will do my very best not to gasp or nag or squelch any dreams, preposterous as they may seem. But I will also insist on manners and respect and the kind and gentle way that is all but lost in this self-centered world. 

You are so precious to me, tiny sons. I watch you play, listen to you chatter, and memorize your features as you peacefully drift off to sleep. I can only imagine all that you will experience and accomplish in your lifetimes. And the responsibility of raising you up right is one that regularly knocks me off my feet. I am not qualified for this. And yet, I know that if I consistently surrender you back to the One who gifted you to me in the first place, we’ll all be just fine. 

Forgive me for all the ways I will, inevitably, blunder and fail. I am far from perfect… and neither of you came with an instruction manual. May we have grace for one another as we venture down this road together. Know that I do what I do because I love you. Know that I have your best interest in mind and I will fight for you till the very end. 

I will squeeze you tight every chance I get because I know that all of this is preparation for the spreading of your wings to fly. And you will be world changers, there is no doubt about that. You were made for such a time as this and you are each equipped with specific gifts and abilities that will be vital to your generation. 

Being able to disciple you is one of God's greatest gifts to me. Now... lets go adventure some more! 

xoxo

Mommy