Gulping In Air!

We have a five year old capable of talking continually- literally without pause- until he is out of breath! Then he pauses out of necessity, for an extra large gulp of air, before quickly jumping back in to his grand tale. We laugh, but then my husband tells me this is 100% a reflection of me and I'm not entirely convinced he means that as a compliment?!
As I made the trek into town recently, I realized I was, in fact, doing it! I was talking without a pause for breath, in my mind, to God! We had driven separate vehicles and the boys both opted for Daddy's truck, so I had 45 rather rare minutes to myself. Good thing, too- because I had much to discuss with the Creator! But as I came to a halt in rather the same manner as Owen, practically gasping for breath, it dawned on me that maybe the One on the other end of the conversation wanted a turn!

I find it ridiculously difficult to quiet my mind; to truly be still. Psalm 46:10 has become my go-to for attempts at 'meditating'. I work through the words one at a time: 'Be still, and know that I am God..' But it's easier said than done; my mind is so quick to wander! The Hebrew translation for that phrase 'be still': raphpah, lists the obvious 'to be quiet', but also 'to let go', 'to refrain, let alone', and 'to let drop, abandon, relax, refrain, forsake'. (Blue Letter Bible)
It's hard for me to let things alone, to relax fully into a moment and refrain from having an ever evolving to-do list in my mind, even if it's just simmering on an imaginary 'back burner'. It's almost impossible for me to fully let go, even though I am very aware that I'm not the one orchestrating all of life's details.
Living in a society that has elevated a fast paced, constantly connected, on-the-go lifestyle makes it feel wrong to simply 'be', to rest, to refrain from constant motion whether physically or mentally. Whether or not we are the 'talkers' of the family, I think most of us can admit to living our lives a bit like Owen's story telling method: break neck speed until we are forced to stop out of necessity.

And yet, this verse lists the stillness as a prerequisite for the knowing that follows. 'To know' in Hebrew is 'yada' and also translates as 'learn to know, perceive, find out, discern', and 'to recognize'. We pray to know Him more, we pray to know His will, we pray a list a mile long and then go about our day. But if we truly desire to recognize Him; to enter into this pursuit of our Beloved in a deeper, more intimate level of 'finding out' that will take our entire lifetime, we must first discover how to be still.
Ann Voskamp's words grab me as I ponder this tricky subject of rest and prioritizing in a rushing, fast-paced, 'need more hours in the day' world. 'It's never that we don't have enough time -- it's always that we have different priorities. The enemy plots our destruction through distraction -- distraction from God's word, God's voice, God's ways. Give up distractions -- to keep your soul from destruction... Time is made for what we love. Wherever love and priorities meet, time is made.'

So it is possible to make time and I know part of the solution lies there. My heart recognizes it and my head is slowly learning as I choose to carve out space in the day for what truly matters (or see the consequences when I fail to do so). But, again, it's easier said than done! Easier to scroll through social media for 10 minutes than open up God's word. Easier to label our phone calls, emails or a work out as 'necessary' while prayer slips through the cracks. I'm in this boat, too. Prioritizing requires sacrifice and a long, hard look at what actually matters most to us (vs. what we say matters to us). The story we want our lives to tell is currently being spelled out by how we choose to spend our minutes.
But there's still more depth to this. It is the quiet time in early hours; the whispered prayers before my boys awake. It's listening for the still, small voice of the Holy Spirit instead of just presenting Him with my daily list of requests and concerns. It has MUCH to do with learning when to say 'no' in order to keep myself from being stretched so thin that I'm no longer fully present for the real, live people God places in my path each day.
And yet, it's still bigger than acknowledging, and dealing with, our smart phone addiction. (Although that would be an excellent place for most of us to start!) I'm peeling back the layers and writing to you from the middle of my learning process, which is difficult because I haven't 'mastered' any of this.

'What if we stopped celebrating being busy as a measurement of importance? What if instead we celebrated how much time we had spent listening, pondering, meditating, and enjoying time with the most important people in our lives?' Greg McKeown 
I talk this out with my husband; he's my sounding board. He asks the questions that force me to think about other angles. I'm very excited about stillness and how it precedes the knowing. We talk about prioritizing and how it makes a tangible difference in my day when I've gotten up early to dig deep and talk with God. But then he says, 'What about when this stillness isn't realistic for the season you're in? How does this translate when you barely have time to sleep?' He's been working 90+ hours per week for over a year and rest has become a luxury; his question is valid. There are people in entirely different seasons of life than me and stillness can't possibly look the same for each person. So, I continue to search.

It was as I read a book by Jane Johnson called 'Mercy Like Morning' that my lightbulb moment occurred! This book has opened my eyes to not only the incredible DEPTHS of Scripture, but the treasures awaiting us when we commit to going deep. She equips her readers with practical ways to 'dig' and at one point, walks us through a word study on -you guessed it- the word 'rest'! I worked on this for days, tracking the many uses of this word throughout the Old and New Testament, and the many different Hebrew and Greek translations of it; absolutely mind-boggling! But I found what I was looking for as she spoke of Genesis 18 and Abraham's invitation to God and His traveling companions to stop for awhile and rest in the midst of a normal, much-left-to-accomplish kind of day.
'True biblical rest begins with inviting God into the chaos of my day... Rest beings with asking God to interrupt the work and the distractions and the day-to-day monotony, then choosing to sit down and rest-recline with Him.' And then she concludes, '...rest is asking God to sit awhile with you in the middle of it all. And then inviting His Spirit to remain with you while you finish your work.'  Jane Johnson 

So rest is stillness and the quieting of mind and body but it is also His Spirit WITH US while we finish our work! His rest can fill us, stay with us throughout our busy day, and enable us to finish well the work He created us to do. This is what I was searching for! My husband had pointed out that, although they have their place, this concept is infinitely bigger than 'putting our feet up' or 'taking some me time'. I'm realizing stillness is the exhale that invites God into the midst of it all, allowing us to inhale once again as we continue running our race. I love that!
Back up with me to that morning in the car when I was chatting God's ear off. Once I quieted my mind and was reminding myself to 'Be... Be still .... Be still and KNOW....' A song popped into my mind. I could only remember the first line, but I hummed the tune for the rest of the drive and felt infinitely more prepared for our appointment than I would have had I continued my endless rambling. Since then I searched for the lyrics and they are excellent. Here's the first verse..

Be still, my soul: the Lord is on thy side.

Bear patiently the cross of grief and pain;

leave to thy God to order and provide;

in every change God faithful will remain.

Be still, my soul: your best, your heavenly friend

through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

-Katherine von Schlegel

As you can tell, I'm only scratching the surface in both my discovery and implementing of these truths. (Brace yourselves for 'Part Two'!) But here's what I do know: Stillness and rest are necessary and lead to the intimate knowing we all long to be part of. While it seems counterintuitive, making time for 'rest' enables us for all that God wants to do in and through our lives. Redefining priorities, making time, and learning to say 'no' will be difficult and require sacrifice. Inviting God into our mess and to-do list means giving Him permission to cut things out and remind us of what matters to His heart!
Stillness may not be the same for each person or in various phases of life; rest doesn't look like 'one size fits all' but it is for all of us! God wants to meet us right now- in the midst of busy schedules, strained relationships, or difficult decisions- and create a sanctuary within us that we can better operate out of. And if that's not a breath of fresh air, worth coming to a screeching halt to gulp in, I honestly don't know what is!!