Set the Temperature!

'My attitude?' I clarified. He simply nodded and, with a confident 'Yep!', continued our drive towards the beach. (This happened last week when 'social distancing' was still allowed at the beach.) For fun I had asked my husband what his top pick would be if I could do just one thing to get ready for a day. My examples had all been more 'outward appearance' based; change out of the comfy pants, wash my face and apply mascara, deal with my hair..' Yet he had responded, without missing a beat, on a much deeper level. And, of course, this got me thinking. 

Ever notice how your attitude affects those around you? (If you haven't, I recommend visiting your local Chick-Fil-A. I always leave there with a smile on my face; their stellar customer service can dramatically affect attitudes and no, they are not paying me to write this.) On the flip side, living outside D.C. for a year taught me several lessons on road rage. While I hope their erratic driving didn't rub off on me too much, I have been known to put my horn to 'good use' when the situation warrants it. I found it very interesting to observe how the angry drivers only succeeded in creating MORE angry drivers. Attitude, among other contagions these days, is easily spread.
We discussed this concept on multiple occasions last fall when one of my boys decided bike riding was no longer his favorite activity. I would remind him of how our attitude is contagious and we must choose what we'll spread, in that case- joy or discouragement. (This didn't always transform our ride, but I do believe he started to see the connection between his mindset and the amount of fun he could end up having.) 

Maybe it's simply because this is the lens through which I now see the world, but there is a definite correlation between attitudes and mamas. We set the tone, whether through actions, words, or attitude; inspiring our crew to embrace the next challenge as an adventure or convincing them, often times without realizing it, that the task may be too daunting. I know this because I've done both. Whether it be a looming cross country move or learning to share a bedroom, those first wobbly steps or tryouts for a brand new sport, a meal they'd rather not eat or a habit they must break, the frame of mind we parents take on has enormous power to inspire or deflate our kids! 

We learn this, in part, when our toddlers start falling down and looking to us for direction on how to handle it. Just like we've taught them everything else thus far, they trust us to teach them how to respond to this new experience. Of course, sometimes there will be tears regardless. But the non-emergent situations tend to be more easily diffused when we learn to control our initial urge to gasp and run to them. When Mama can stay calm, simply responding to the scraped knee instead of reacting as if it may require amputation, our tiny humans learn how to handle the next crash.

I read an article by John Hopkins Medicine that said, 'researchers suspect that people who are more positive may be better protected against the inflammatory damage of stress.' And 'studies also find that negative emotions can weaken immune response.' If that's not convincing, I'm not sure what is. We physically suffer from having a bad attitude. And did you know that smiling helps you relax and actually lowers heart rate and blood pressure? The simple act of smiling releases dopamine, endorphins, and serotonin into our bloodstream. Having a good attitude (and letting your face reflect it) is not only contagious but extremely beneficial to our health!

Attitude plays a huge part in the 'better or worse' part of marriage, too! Derek and I have almost 10 years under our belts and still so much to learn. But we DO know that when one of us is worked up it is the other one's job to remain calm. A bomb can't do much damage if you don't light the fuse. Proverbs 29:11 says 'Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end.' A wife's attitude has the power to inspire her man to greatness or knock his feet out from under him. Proverbs 21:19 'It is better to live in a desert land than with a quarrelsome and fretful woman.' 

My husband would choose me clad in sweat pants and a messy bun with a genuine smile on my face, over the put-together version of me who is nursing a bad attitude. I'm guessing your significant other would say the same about you. Not that they should have to choose one or the other (getting ready for the day actually tends to improve morale around here). And Derek did later clarify that he did not mean the fake kind of 'good attitude'. Being positive goes hand in hand with being honest and the ability to communicate frustrations or a need for help. 

But the moral of this particular story is that the attitude we choose to operate out of can be a game changer for our relationships, our health, and for the tiny people watching us navigate the ups and downs of life. It can do more for our appearance than we might ever realize. Attitude can inspire and breath life into the people around you. Or it can do the opposite. Which brings me to the current pandemic our world is currently trying to maneuver through. 

I don't want to talk much about COVID-19, there's enough of that going around to last a lifetime. But I want to share an example that might help in the days to come. I read an article last fall, in preparation for this year of homeschooling, about attitude and how it affects those around us. Sonya Shafer described the differences between a thermometer and a thermostat and I can not tell you how often these words come to mind. She says, 'A thermometer is controlled by its atmosphere; a thermostat controls its atmosphere. There’s a big difference.' 

Did you catch that, my friend? There is a massive difference. When the weight of life feels unbearable, or the unknowns are piling up, fear starts to creep in and I have a choice. So do you! Control or be controlled. We can be a thermometer governed by what's going on around us; fluctuating with our circumstances, the news, and opinions or fears of those around us. Or we can choose to be a thermostat and set the temperature, at least for our own heart and within our sphere of influence. 
If each of us became intentional about regulating the temperatures of our own home, instead of riding the wild waves of media and panic, we just might be able to affect the temperature of our city, our state, our country, and beyond. 
It starts with me. Today. In my house. Knowing that my attitude is not only powerful but highly contagious, I must make the choice to spread joy and hope to those around me. And it's not possible in my own strength, but I have the very best news to pass along. These are Jesus' words in John 16:33 'I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.' He has overcome the world. Take heart!