my story, my song

'This is my story, this is my song.  Praising my Savior all the day long.'  The sweetest, little 'choir' of kids sang 'Blessed Assurance' in church yesterday and their melody touched something deep inside me.  What is my story, what is my song?  Can my life truly be summed up in these few statements?  'Heir of salvation, purchase of God, born of His Spirit, washed in His blood.'  Is that what defines my existence?  When people want to know about me I tend to expound on where I've been and what I've done; emphasis on the grandest adventures and greatest achievements.  All of these are a wonderful part of my journey and have shaped who I am today; my experiences make for incredible story telling!  But at the core of the matter is a simple question- what is my song?  Or rather, Who is my song?  Something in me shifted as these beautiful, Hawaiian children belted out the lyrics.  'I in my Savior am happy and blessed, watching and waiting, looking above, filled with His goodness, lost in His love.'  My song isn't about what I've done, but what has been done for me.  The melody of my life is not even about me!  It's about Him.  'This is my story, this is my song.  Praising my Savior all the day long.' 

I am incredibly excited about being a Mom.  Like 99.99% stoked.  But, I would be lying if I didn't admit to that tiny, voice inside that whispers doubts and fears in the stillness of the night.  I feel that as I step into motherhood I'll be stepping into the rest of my life.  Don't get me wrong, I'm already head over heels for this sweet baby and I can only imagine how that love will explode once he/she is born!  I'm excited for every single 'first'.  I'm thrilled about having an excuse to do all the things I'm still secretly crazy about: kite flying, star gazing, snowflake tasting, chalk drawing and PB&J's in the shape of space ships!!  But I do wrestle with the thought of whether I'll be anything but 'Mom' from here on out.

One idea that's danced around in the back of my subconscious for many years is that of being a Massage Therapist.  I've never looked into it seriously, but the thought has always been present when I ponder the future.  So, with a baby on the way and thoughts of diaper changing, soccer practice and science experiments filling my mind, I latched onto this idea.  I found an Academy near by that offers the schooling as well as the hands-on, apprenticeship necessary and the next course starts in March!  Perfect, I was ready to sign up.  Yet, every time I prayed about it, something felt... off.  I didn't know if it was my own over analyzing or if God was actually trying to get through to me.  (Stubborn, much?!) After emailing back and forth with the instructor, she asked me to give her a call to talk out a few more details.  As the phone rang I offered up a hurried prayer, 'God, have your way with this conversation.  Your will be done!'  And then she answered and spoke exactly what I needed to hear.  

As an instructor, making her living off the people signing up for the course, I was blown away by her raw honesty.  After hearing my story she told me, in the sweetest way possible, that she didn't think this was the right time for me.  She highly recommends this occupation to mothers, as you can work your own hours, etc.  But she spoke straight to my heart saying that this baby will change our lives, it will redefine what I do and who I am.  But it is a beautiful change, an incredible redefining.  She encouraged me to embrace this time, to step into the role and count it a privilege, an extraordinary gift.  As we spoke, or rather as she spoke and I listened, an incredible peace filled me and I felt.. free.  Marvellously free!  I'm still very interested in this course and she said she'd love to talk to me down the road a bit.  But I could finally throw out this ridiculous notion that I need to rack up some kind of achievement so that I don't have to introduce myself as 'just a Mom'.  That is a lie and I don't know how I let it permeate so deeply inside me, but God met it with truth and released me to embrace this brand new season of life.  Maybe I will go to school someday, maybe I'll become an astronaut!  I might travel to Africa or write my own book!  But no matter what I do or 'who I am' my song will stay the same.. 'Praising my Savior, all the day long!'  

Derek and I had a lovely Valentine's Day.  Have I mentioned lately how much I like that husband of mine?!  After working all day, he still managed to surprise me with... no, not flowers (he brings me flowers all the time!) not chocolate (strange prego quirk: I'm not the chocoholic I used to be) but the most delicious selection of fruits!  I've been craving figs like none other and he managed to find them for me, plus dragon fruit, lilikoi and oranges.  He knows me well :)  And, his card almost made me cry.. silly progesterone overload seems to have taken my emotions bungee jumping!  But with an ever expanding baby bump it does this heart a world of good to know that my lover still finds me beautiful!  There are occasions for getting dolled up and going out on the town, but Thursday wasn't one of them.  We opted for staying home, making heart shaped homemade pizzas and reminiscing the last 4 1/2 years together.  Our journey is certainly one for the books!

Thanks to our latest church project, I can now add 'professional tile layer' to my ever expanding resume.  Granted, it's the peel and stick kind.  No grouting required.  And Derek made most of the tricky cuts.  But, I still feel very accomplished!  That plus a few more painting/cleaning projects kept me busy throughout the week while Derek was landscaping all over South Kona!  He's a busy man these days!  But we blocked off the next two days for maintenance at the coffee farm.  Weed wacking here we come and you KNOW how excited I am :)  Actually, we haven't needed to work out there the past few weeks and it will actually be nice to get out in the fields again.  

Speaking of coffee... we officially have our first batch of finished product!  Roasted, nuggets of Kona gold that is calling to all of you coffee drinkers.  I can't even think about drinking coffee these days, but Derek says it's the real deal and we're so proud of it that all the bags are just sitting on our kitchen counter... the end result from a year's worth of work.  We're still working on an artsy label for the bags, and figuring out how to market our delicious brew, etc.  But, if you simply can't WAIT another minute to purchase some Pearl Kona Coffee we'd love to hear from you and we'll give you the low down on bag sizes, prices, shipping, etc.  My email is bethel_pearl@yahoo.com and Derek's is drkprl@gmail.com

I know another baby bump picture is in order, now that 'Peanut' and I are officially HALF way!  I'll certainly have one by next week, as well as the very exciting announcement of girl or boy!  We're heading to Colorado this week and can hardly contain our excitement after a whole year apart from family.  We know that a week will be more than enough time to be bombarded by thoughts of moving closer to the people we love.  There will also be plenty of talk about Derek's job offer out there.  Who knows.. maybe that is what God has next for us.  We still don't know, but we're staying surrendered and holding this life with open hands.  Wherever we go, whatever we do: we know our story, our song.  We're 'looking above, lost in His love' and that is what defines us.  'Praising our Savior, all the day long.'

obedience, spinach & gunny sack shirts

The decisions, conversations and actions of today are the framework for what is to come, whether in your own life, your children's lives or events that won't unfold for countless generations.  God is orchestrating every detail of every single life.  He sees the big picture, of which you and I are just one tiny piece.  I can not begin to perceive what God is doing or how He works; I constantly underestimate the importance of 'today'.  He can see from beginning to end and yet, in consideration for our minuscule brain capacity and His incredible desire for us to TRUST Him, He may only allow us to see that which lies directly in front of us.  I know this.  And yet, I regularly ask to be able to 'zoom out'; I constantly crave the broader view of life.

[Kai, at one of his favorite swimming holes!]

This week I read Acts 10 and had a genuine 'lightbulb moment'.  The events of this chapter changed history forever.  An angel appears to a man named Cornelius and tells him to send for a man named Peter, so he does.  Obedience, even though it didn't make any sense.  The next day Peter is on the roof, praying, and sees an unbelievable vision of 'unclean' animals that he is told to kill and eat.  Long story short, God is teaching him not to call anything 'unclean that God has made clean', a 180* turn from everything he's ever known.  While he's still pondering this revelation, the men from Cornelius arrive at the house and the Spirit tells Peter to go with them, so he does!  Obedience, even when it goes against everything he's ever known.  He arrives at Cornelius' house to find a crowd of Gentiles that, according to Jewish law, it would be illegal for him to associate with.  But, because of his vision and God's words, he begins to share with them the incredible news about Jesus!
There's so much more to this beautiful story but I needed to read it for a specific reason this week.  I realized that these men had no advance warning, they simply responded to God's instructions and acted in obedience even when it seemed completely insane.  And the world was transformed because of that obedience.  This was God's plan to extend salvation to ALL people, and yet He waited till the last minute to spring this on Peter.  How do I justify my demand for a plan or some direction when I realize that God didn't even provide an itinerary to some of the most influential people in history.  He told them when it was time and they acted, even when that meant abandoning 'common sense' or setting themselves up for ridicule.  This isn't to say that He didn't have it all mapped out, that He wasn't opening doors and preparing hearts long before this went into play.  But those He used didn't have a clue until it was time.  Until it was time.  That's where I struggle.  I must accept that when it is time, He'll show me.  And until then, enjoy where He has me right NOW!

[Best pancakes EVER!]

Once I grasped this truth my eyes were opened to the fact that God actually HAS answered a prayer.  Derek has work!  Not just random, odd-jobs but an 8-5 landscaping job both last week and this week!  We are so thankful!  I'll say it again and again, God provides.  Jesus is involved in every detail; big things like work or a place to live and 'little' things like an unexpected box of pancake mix just in time for National Pancake Day!  My days are flying by as well and include things like cleaning at home and, on occasion, at a Bed&Breakfast.  I've had time for laundry, cooking, reading books, going running or walking with Kai and tackling a list of odd-jobs at the church.  I'm so grateful for this time and Derek's a pretty big fan of coming home to a hot dinner and freshly baked cupcakes.  I do have a few house -wife confessions, however.  When I'm home alone I like to eat cereal for lunch and I often find myself talking out loud or spontaneously bursting out in song.  I drink orange juice right out of the carton and if I've crossed everything off my list, I might even watch a movie that make me cry!  I'm not ashamed, though...and if I was, I could easily blame the pregnancy!
Speaking of pregnancy!!  This is week number 19 and 'Peanut' is testing out his/her new abilities now that cartilage is turning to bone and neurons between the brain and muscles are connected.  Knowing about all the incredible developments going on inside me is truly astonishing.  Sometimes I read the weekly update and just say 'Wow, God!!  Wow!'  The strange symptom for the week is nightly leg cramps.  AND, while shopping this week, I ventured into the maternity section for the first time in my life.  Unfortunately, the experience was slightly depressing.  Hawaii doesn't have an amazing selection for pregos and even the extra small shirts still felt like a gunny sack.  Thankfully, my regular clothes still fit, minus the occasional unbuttoning of pants before sitting down for a long drive :)  Our Colorado trip is rapidly approaching, though, and I'm hoping to invest in a few purchases out there.
One last snippet from our week.  I finally got my VitaMix!  Saving all my Christmas money finally paid off when these incredible blenders went on sale at Costco last week.  Basically, I can grind ANYTHING, make homemade nut butters, turn soy beans into soy MILK, etc.  It can make homemade ice cream and it can make hot soup.  This is not a commercial, it's just that amazing! And, the most practical use is the smoothies, which we've had on a daily basis.  These aren't your average smoothies, though.  I can pulverize any and all vegetables, mix them with fruits and juice and, apart from the tell-tale, green color, we don't even know we're drinking all that healthy goodness.  Derek and I have consumed more spinach in the last three days then we would have in months, and we've actually enjoyed it!  So, that's all I've got for now.  I'm off to find new recipes to try out in our super sonic blender!  And I'm resting in the fact that God sees the whole plan.. beginning to end.  I'm content with where He has us and excited for whatever He will tell us next.

[yes, that's spinach!]

the fragile beauty of life

Drifting off to sleep, my hand absently drifts to my stomach, its favorite resting place of late.  At first it's a bubble bursting against the surface, kissing my palm.  My hand resettles in time to feel it again and, although subtle, I knew that I knew.  Grabbing Derek's hand, I return to the source of excitement, drawn like a magnet that can't resist!  It took a few times of me saying, 'There, did you feel it?!'  But, eventually, he's in on the secret, too :)  The first 'touch' from our baby!

[Peanut & I at 18 weeks!]

Life is beautiful.  It's also incredibly fragile.  The death of our neighbor this past week was a stark reminder of just how fleeting our days are.  We watched the red and blue lights flash on the highway below us as EMTs loaded the man into an ambulance and onlookers scrambled to pull the crumpled motorcycle off the road.  We're not sure how long he hung on, but the next morning brought word that he was gone.  I don't think his little baby has stopped crying since that night; the haunting sound wafts through our windows and breaks my heart. 

Ecclesiastes 3 tells me there is a time for everything, 'a time to be born and a time to die'.  Forming within me is a brand new, vibrant life and across the street they attempt to deal with an unexpected, shocking death.  A reminder that we can NOT take our days for granted.  As I pray for our baby and all that he/she will face in this world I'm comforted by the fact that God is in charge.  God know this child; He loves him/her and has wonderful plans for their life.  In the face of a terrifying, cruel world I can rest in the truth that my God ordains our every day.  Psalm 139:16 'Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.'  I can also relish in the beauty and wonder surrounding me; looking forward to all the discovery and adventure in store for our baby.

['Peanut' got mail!! Sweet shirts from my VERY sweet friend, Ali!]

Side note:  I can not WAIT to stop saying 'him/her' or even, by accident, 'it'!  Only eight more days until we know if we'll have a wild, sword swinging little man or a sweet, princess with pig tails!  Now, how long it will be till YOU all know is another story.  We're debating keeping it a secret until our Colorado trip at the end of the month so that the gender revealing can be done in person with at least a part of our family! 

Something I'm continually becoming more aware of is how incredible my husband is.  He's dealing with a pregnant wife in all the best possible ways; helping me with dishes, bringing me flowers and going along with strange cravings and emotions as if they were (almost) perfectly normal.  I'm so thankful for him!  This week he's been doing a lot of work around the church, checking things off our care-taking list; stair painting, carpet laying, plant.. planting!  Some jobs require an extra pair of hands, and I'm happy to jump in.  Other tasks just require a supervisor or bearer of cookies and fresh-squeezed orange juice.  We've also had a few other jobs, landscaping for Derek, cleaning for me.  God is providing!

[19 oranges = 1/2 pitcher!]

Because 6 1/2 acres was just not enough pruning for us, we also headed to the 'other' farm this week for some tree trimming.  Derek was pleasantly surprised to have a chainsaw at his disposal for this round.  A break from the trusty saw did a world of good for his wrist and sped up the process significantly.  There's no tool for speeding up the tree dragging, though!  It was up to me to keep up with his chainsaw massacre of coffee trees.  After a few days of not-so-manual labor, it was refreshing to be back at it.  And I must say, even with the additional breaks for snacks, water and peeing, this slightly dramatic prego managed to keep up pretty well!
Another week, come and gone.  It goes by so fast.  Walking home from the store I passed all the flowers and memorials for our neighbor and realized, 'I have no idea how much longer I'll be alive.'  It's not morbid, just truthful.  I might live for 100 more years, or I might be gone tomorrow.  And that doesn't scare me.  Life is incredibly fragile, but I know who I am and I know where I'm going.  Every single day on this planet is a blessing and I will continue to live that way until my last day.  It is the realization that we are 'but a mist.. appearing for a little while and then vanishing'  [James 4:14] that motivates me to grab hold of every moment I'm given.  That may not always mean sky diving or a spur of the moment trip to Costa Rica, although those are some of my favorite memories.  In the day-to-day life it means stepping out of my comfort zone.  I will choose to see the beauty in people, their potential, because that's what Jesus does for ME!  I will live by faith even when it seems ridiculous to those observing.  None of this by my own strength, all by the grace of Jesus who gives me each day, each breath.  Life may be fragile but I know the Author of Life and He knows the number of hairs on my head! [Luke 12:7]  In other words, He's got it covered!  

it's a wonderful life!

Rain on a metal roof, bagpipes, Derek's laugh; these are a few of my favorite sounds.  (Don't worry, that'll be my one and only Sound of Music reference!)  This week a wonderful, new sound was added to that list: the wild, galloping of our baby's heartbeat!  Never would I have pictured myself as the one counting down, in eager anticipation, to the next doctor appointment.  But, alas, I'm already giddy about the next time my ears and eyes will have proof of the incredible life God is forming within me.  Although, the evidence of my growing belly is fairly convincing, too!
Before I formed you in the womb I KNEW you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations." Jeremiah 1:5
This past week brought several uncomfortable days of feeling tight as a balloon and becoming quite familiar with those 'growing ligament pains' they warned me about.  Now I realize the reason for all that stretching, though, Peanut is needing more leg room!  I'm in my 17th week and this turnip sized baby is making his/her presence known!  (Yes, I know... pictures are a must and I'm hoping to have at least one of 'the bump' by my next post.)
'For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.  I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well.'  Psalm 139:13-14
The really exciting news is that I haven't left any car doors open lately!  The worst case of 'pregnancy brain' this week was a simple attempt to cram our extra-fluffy comforter, that we only wash at the laundromat, into our washing machine.  I realized I was being a bit over-zealous, but not until half the comforter was already drenched.  Smooth.

[speaking of being a mother, here's my wonderful Mom!]

I had an unusually, amazing amount of time at home this week and I LOVED it!  I definitely wouldn't consider myself an introvert, but a day of checking things off my 'home list', experimenting in the kitchen and reading a good book is certainly a well spent day, in my opinion!  My family made such a significant dent in our to-do list that we're actually able to do non-farm-related things, now.  -Insert happy dance!-  I tried my hand at homemade granola (definite success!) and Derek's finally finishing the surfboard he started from scratch.  With coffee on the back burner I'm able to take on cleaning jobs again and Derek is looking for more landscaping work.  We know God's plan is beyond anything we can imagine and we're looking forward to all He has for us these next few months.
'Show me the way I should go, for to You I entrust my life... Teach me to do your will, for you are my God; may your good Spirit lead me on level ground.' Psalm 143:8,10
This week was full of 'little' things that are actually a pretty big deal.  At the beach I was wishing that I could spot a whale and literally, within seconds of thinking so, saw the tell-tale spout of water shooting into the air.  Thanks God!  Our Poha (gooseberry) bush produced a nice little crop of berries which I thoroughly enjoyed eating.  A friend from church brought me two huge bags of clothes that she's no longer using.  It was like second-Christmas; trying on clothes all morning, modeling for Derek!  Also, it was time for a phone upgrade and I spent a whopping 99 cents for the iPhone 4.  My kind of purchase :)  I decided to treat myself to a haircut, for the first time in a year, and the result of a simple trim has me feeling like a super model!  Derek picked me flowers, I baked him cookies.  It's a wonderful life we live.

Without my daily dose of branch dragging and jungle clearing I knew I needed to lace up my running shoes again.  Driving the truck while Derek sprays RoundUp doesn't exactly qualify as a work out.  So, with new motivation and the discovery of a new running place, other than the highway, I was off!  It amazes me that the more active you are, the more you want to BE active.  Running/walking this week has me inspired and also taking advantage of any opportunity to walk to the store, post office, etc.  Don't worry, I'm not out to break any records and I'm staying plenty hydrated!
My favorite part of getting outside is how tangibly God is with me.  He's always by my side, but it seems like I sense His presence in a whole different way when I'm surrounded by His creation.  I breathe in the smell of tropical flowers and feel the rain heavy in the air and I'm inspired.  The breeze caresses my skin and I'm refreshed.  Just like anything else, if I'm in a hurry, with a thousand things on my mind, I'll miss this.  I have to choose to be in the moment.  I must choose to grab hold of the hand Jesus is offering me, that we might explore together.  He has so much to teach me, and He extends invitations to me daily- but I must accept.  I tend to pray 'God, I want to know you more..' and then go about my day at 100mph, never stopping to realize all the ways He's saying, 'Then come, Daughter, know me!!'
'You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.' Jeremiah 29:13
It truly is a wonderful life, the question is whether or not I will take the time to realize it.

two cents

'Calling His disciples to Him, Jesus said, "Truly I tell you, this poor widow has put more into the treasury than all the others.  They all gave out of their wealth; but she, out of her poverty, put in everything- all she had to live on." Mark 12:43-44
I came across this story last week and found it absolutely breath taking.  Jesus was observing the people  at the temple as they gave their offerings.  He saw right through the showy display of the rich, the clank and clatter of their extravagant givings cascading into the treasury.  He zeroes in on a widow, humble and quiet, as she steps forward, quietly slipping her two coins in trying not to draw any attention to her meager offering. She watches her bread money slide away and turns to fade back into the crowd.  Jesus sees her heart and LOVES what she has done; calls attention to her actions!  The offerings of the rich may be funding missions all over the world, but the HEART is what God looks at and in this case, the poor widow out gave them all.
I'm inspired and humbled by this story.  May I learn to give from the heart.  May I be sincere and courageous even when it requires 'all I have to live on'.  And may I learn to see as Jesus sees.. the beauty and surrender in an act that seems trivial to the world.  I have a lot to learn when it comes to these things, matters of the heart.  But the more I learn, the more simple life becomes!  And as I allow Jesus to have His way with my heart, the world becomes more and more beautiful!
I'm looking up synonyms for the word 'blessed' because after a week like this last one I know my overuse of that term may become slightly excessive!!  My family's last week in Kona was a blur, a fantastic blur.  Between dinner with friends, a beach BBQ with more friends, visiting an incredible parrot sanctuary and time spent with MORE friends; suffice it to say our wonderful 'family' here completely enveloped Dad, Mom and Abe.  The love we have discovered in this church is unlike anything we've ever known and my family was quick to discover this.

['practicing up' with one of our favorite little men!]

After working so hard at the coffee farm it was nice to have a few days with not much on the schedule.  We went snorkeling, played board games and introduced my family to the best shaved ice on the island.  Mom and I decided it was high time for a pedicure; the last time I'd had one was during our time together in August and the only remaining proof was a few specks of leftover polish on my big toes!!  Dad wanted one last bowl of clam chowder.  Now I know he'll be back to Hawaii, even if it's just for his fix of the creamy goodness we introduced him to!
Derek and Abe can only take so many lazy days (and beatings in Sorry :)  It wasn't long before they were tackling a new project, homemade longboards (basically a longer, funner version of the skateboard)!  Their ingenuity and creativity amazes me.  One minute they're looking up YouTube videos and the next thing I know they've bought supplies and are working away.  Their boards turned out great and they spent some quality time cruising and scheming on improvements for the next ones!
On Wednesday we said goodbye to the gorgeous house we'd been calling 'home' for two weeks.  Thankfully it's close by, because it took two truck loads to transport everything back to the apartment!  What I love about a 'vacation' or time spent in a more luxurious setting is when it still feels wonderful to come 'home'.  We may not have an outdoor shower or an amazing lanai, but the familiarity and comfort that comes with your own space is hard to beat!  Plus, we had work to do.  Project: repaint the church basement was about to commence and that's much easier to accomplish when you're living AT the church!  Once again we were amazed by the progress that five people can make and the transformation was complete after only two days!
With things like painting and cleaning on the agenda I've had quite the list of pregnancy related questions.  Thankfully, I have my very own OB/GYN at church!  Being able to pick her brain 24/7 is a tremendous blessing.  We just have to remember not to discuss things like water breaking or lack of bladder control in mixed company, lest we scar any unsuspecting men within hearing range!   Speaking of 'Peanut', our latest name for Baby Pearl, he/she is the size of an avocado right now!  I have an appointment this coming week and can't wait!  I realize that being in the womb is probably the safest this kid will ever be, BUT a month is a really long time to go between seeing that speedy little heart beat!

[sweet present from my love!]

My stomach is not the only thing starting to expand; as the weeks progress our excitement continues to grow as well!  This last week had me feeling incredibly BLESSED as unexpected cards or letters arrived in the mail and then, best of all, a surprise package from my sister-in-law in Colorado!!  Unbeknownst to me, she put together the sweetest box; my very first maternity clothes and all the best ingredients for pampering: tea, nail polish, oil for my skin and a brand new tube of Burt's Bees chap stick.  I realize my hormones aren't what they used to be, but I almost started crying right there in front of the post office!!
The newest 'side-effect' in this pregnant journey is forgetfulness, like 108-years-old kind of forgetfulness.  I can't figure out how I flipped my eggs with no spatula and then Derek reminds me that HE flipped them kind of forgetfulness!  Here's the worst episode:: We parked downtown on a busy, Kona day and I hopped out and went straight to the back of the truck so I wouldn't forget to fill Kai's water bowl.  Then I circled around Derek's side and off we went.  I don't know why but, thankfully, Derek glanced back at the truck and lo and behold my door was still WIDE OPEN!  Lovely little pregnancy faux pas!!  (For some reason my husband didn't find this quite as funny as me, though...)
We saw my parents and Abe off on Saturday and now life returns to 'normal', although that may actually mean something completely new!  Thanks to all their help at the fields, we're to the point now where we just need to maintain.  There's always work to be done on a farm, and 'maintaining' still means weed wacking, mowing, fertilizing and spraying (Peanut's not a fan of pesticides, though, so that job is all Derek!) but we will be able to start taking on other work, as well.  We're excited to see what God has in store for us!

[sunset shenanigans captured by: Abe Riddering]

As I anticipate a brand new week I'm still thinking about the poor widow and what God wants me to take from her story.  No matter what the next few days, weeks or months require of us, I want to be focused on the fact that Jesus sees my heart.  If I'm giving my all, He knows.  The widow gave just two cents but Jesus made an example of her for the disciples saying 'she, out of her poverty, put in everything'.  That's what I long for Him to say about me, about my life, 'She gave it her all!'  I'm aware that I have a long way to go, surrender is not an overnight accomplishment, but I can also see how far I've come, by His grace!  May I learn to live in such a way that brings joy to my King, regardless of what I amount to by the standards of this world. 

moments to memories.

'Sometimes you will never know the true value of a moment until it becomes a memory.'  This past week can be described as nothing but a genuine conglomeration of moments.  Moments that may disappear as quick as our next breath yet have already infused our hearts and minds, single brush strokes in a collage of memories.  Basically, that's my poetic way of warning you that there may not be any rhyme or reason to what you read next.

[a pondering pooch!]

Believe it or not, we worked extremely hard this week!  Pictures fail to do justice to the massive improvements in those coffee fields.  It's one of those 'you have to be here to appreciate it' scenarios.  Here's the low down:  there's approximately 700 trees per acre and we are working six acres.  That's 4,200 trees!  Our task, these past few weeks, has been to prune said trees.  Now some can be skipped over, but the really gnarly ones may have up to ten different branches (that are 10-12 feet tall!) needing to be sawed off and dragged to the piles.  My family is supposed to be on vacation but have continually insisted on working and staying busy and we said 'Okay, if you insist!'
Even though my husband could take first place in a sawing competition, this daunting task would have taken the two of us months to accomplish.  And, as my Dad always loves to remind us, 'many hands make little work'!  With their help we have made enormous progress.  I can't even begin to describe what a blessing and relief it is when I look across the fields, realizing I won't have to be out there pruning away at seven months pregnant like I had been...how do I put this, not exactly 'looking forward' to!?  (I'm sure we'll still be in the fields, come May and June, but I'm envisioning riding lawn mower duty?!)  I must admit, I definitely had a few 'moments' this week where I didn't think my legs could take one more trip up that hill.  But then I just reminded myself that I could be picking and I practically sprinted up that slope!!!  Joking aside, the moments may not always be lovely but what I will take from it is the memory of all that we accomplished!
It hasn't been ALL work and no play, though!  Snorkeling and body surfing are some of my family's favorite pass times.  And we discovered that one of our least favorite fruits, papaya, is actually very tasty when drizzled with fresh lemon juice!!  Usually we're too tired to stay awake for a whole movie at night, or maybe my pregnant habits are just rubbing off on everyone.  "Oh, look at the time, 8:05!  No wonder I can't keep my eyes open!!"  But even our tired, sore bodies can usually manage a few hands of cards before hitting the hay!  You can't play cards without snacks, though, and with a whole stock of bananas ripening at once it was perfect timing for Derek to come down with a hankering for homemade Banana's Foster!   We also realized that after three o'clock our favorite bakery sells all their pastries and cookies for half off.  It blows my mind that for $5, which is how much they charge for one slice of pie or fancy dessert, we can walk away with a whole box full of goodies!
The guys witnessed a spectacular site while at the beach this week:: WHALES!  Apparently they were slapping the water with their tails and jumping straight into the air, spinning full circles!  Mom and I, unfortunately, missed out on this; we were making the Costco run.  At least we had free samples to console us!

[photo cred, once again, goes to Abe Riddering!]

No new developments with pregnancy symptoms, except for a minor episode in the fields where the whole world started spinning.  Oh, and I did run into the screen door once.  We're just chalking that up to a blonde moment, though!  I'm getting very excited for our next appointment.  A whole month between baby viewings seems like an eternity!!  My back is sore almost all the time, but I don't know if that has to do with the baby or just dragging loads of branches uphill all day.  Derek actually bought me a massage chair for Christmas; leave it to him to reason 'I can either buy her a massage or buy the chair insert and she can have a massage every day!'  But it never arrived and I think someone in the postal service is taking full advantage of my present right about now.  Thankfully, the money was refunded and we're going to try again.  Can't WAIT!!
One afternoon Derek, Abe and I were sitting on the porch and witnessed a kamikaze gecko drop from the roof of the lanai onto the cement with an unbelievable 'SPLAT'!  He then proceded to look from side to side, evaluating who all had seen his crazy stunt, and then scampered off the porch!  Needless to say, this had us laughing hysterically and imagining every possible scenario for the next twenty minutes... his buddy pushed him, he was showing off for his girlfriend, etc.  Just one moment out of the whole week, but it's become a memory.  A hysterical one!
My walk with God is made up of moments as well.  Talking to Him at night while gazing up at the stars.  Reading the Bible and discovering things for the first time.  Being overwhelmed with life but being able to rest in His incredible peace.  These moments won't necessarily become life long memories, but they are woven together as part of my journey; the legacy I will leave behind.  My life is a collection of moments, the day-to-day decisions and how I choose to respond.  The memories I cherish are built from moment upon moment of seeing God's faithfulness and coming to new realizations of His love and grace.
It's citrus season here in Hawaii which means we're up to our eyeballs in oranges, tangerines, grapefruits, lemons and every possible combination in between.  Because we can't eat them all, my Dad's been juicing them and the results are extremely.. tangy!  It might be a strange way to make my point, but earlier Derek said 'When life hands you lemons and grapefruits.. make orange juice!' and, of course, I thought that was hilarious.  But then I started thinking about it, realizing how true it is.  Life will hand you all sorts of tricky situations, unknowns and daunting tasks and you can either say 'There's no way we can eat all this fruit!' or you can start squeezing those fruits; you can embrace each moment, choosing to follow God even when you have no idea where He's leading!  When we look back at our time in Hawaii there's no way we'll remember every single moment, good or bad, but those moments are leading up to memories which are priceless and life changing!

[my favorite surfer, Derek Pearl!]

porch time!

I love porches, or rather porch time!  Derek's family taught me to love porch time.  Whether it's coffee in the mornings or a nap on the porch swing, eating watermelon or telling stories; the porch is just the place to be at the Pearl house!  This week has been wonderful for so many reasons but, in my opinion, many of them have to do with a porch..

[at 'End of the World']

When we moved into the apartment at church, we knew that there were two weeks in January where we would need to find alternate accommodations.  We weren't too worried about it, after all, we have a whole six months at the greenhouse under our belt, what's two weeks?!  Only problem is that once we'd lived in 'civilization' for several months, heading back to the jungle started seeming slightly more overwhelming.  Add to that the fact that there would be five of us, six counting Baby Pearl, under that lovely piece of plastic (and without a toilet!) and the result is an extremely, anxious prego!  This was the first of those two weeks, however and God has, once again, blown my mind!  Long story short, my parents got in touch with some family friends who have a house on this side of the island but don't live here year round.  They're returning to Hawaii in a few weeks, but their gorgeous house is empty right now and they graciously agreed to our strange request to invade!  What had literally been cause for nightmares turned into the best possible outcome!
"My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts, says the LORD, and my ways are FAR beyond anything you could imagine!'  Isaiah 55:8 (NLT)
Even in my wildest dreams I would never have been able to conjure up this scenario!  From greenhouse to vacation house!  There are the perfect amount of bedrooms here, although I think Abe was fairly attached to his blow up mattress in the living room!  We're all completely hooked on the outdoor shower which, I realize, sounds a lot like jungle life but this one actually comes out of a shower head and is hot and clean!  Every evening has been spent on the porch; meals just taste better outside, especially with the sound of the waves crashing in the background!  We watch the sunset, we tell stories and play 'Chinese Checkers' and 'Sorry'.  Mornings find us on the porch again, watching the light dance it's way onto the horizon as we sip coffee, or tea for those of us who still can't stomach the Kona brew.  Okay, I'll admit, I'm not always present for the break of dawn but when I do arise the porch is usually calling my name.  This house also allows for everyone to have their own space which became very important with the arrival of sore throats and sneezing!
There's a first time for everything and this week it was being pregnant and sick at the same time!  Nothing too serious, thankfully, but it's no fun being achy all over and trying to swallow around what feels like a golf ball in your throat!  I couldn't take extra vitamins, apparently my prenatal has all its bases covered!  So, I battled this sickness with about 300 oranges, chicken noodle soup and some R&R..on the porch!  Thankfully, Derek almost always has a hankering to go surfing so it wasn't too hard to talk him into a day off.  Speaking of surfing, my husband is getting good!  Last weekend had us at the beach as much as possible so he could take full advantage of the biggest swell we've seen yet.

[photo cred. goes to my little brother, Abe Riddering]

Other than loving our housing upgrade and battling sickness, this week also included pruning.  We're still waiting on the last bit of coffee cherries to ripen for the picking, but in the mean time there's plenty of other projects to tackle.  We should have pruned a lot heavier than we did last year but we were hesitant to chop down all the trees.  The reality is that so many of them were too tall and overgrown to even pick this time around.  So, now we start fresh in a lot of the rows... sawing off all the unhealthy, giant branches and allowing the new starts a fighting chance.  All the branches that are sawed off then need to be dragged out of the rows and to brush piles throughout the property.  I don't even have the words to describe how GRATEFUL I am to have my Dad, Mom and Abe here for this project.  Between the five of us we've already worked our way through three acres and it looks amazing!! 

Derek and Abe fluctuate between harassing me for overusing the 'I'm pregnant!' excuse to defending my less than impressive stack of branches because 'She's making a baby, too!'  The truth is, I feel amazing (in an exhausted way!) and sleep SO good after a day in the fields!  Any other boss would fire me for taking a water break every 15 minutes, but Derek kinda likes me :)  As enticing as it sounds to lounge, read a book and eat truffles all day, dragging branches through the fields is exactly what I need.  Staying active and being outside is vital.  Plus, I have the weekend for good books, kayaking adventures and all the Christmas chocolate we acquired.  The crazy part is that I've almost completely lost my sweet tooth!  I still enjoy the occasional cookie or chocolate sent all the way from Germany!!  But, more often than not, even thinking about rich desserts makes my stomach twist up in knots!  Blessings in disguise, I suppose! 

There's not exactly a 'moral to the story' this week.  2013 is off to a great start.  The little peanut and I have started our second trimester.. woohoo!!!  Derek is the best husband in the world!  My parents LOVE this beautiful, island we live on.. no surprise there!!  And Abe and Derek took 'Grilloha Friday' to a whole new level of deliciousness this week with their top-secret, grilled chicken recipe!  We are finally starting to get paid from the coffee mill and that brings massive relief!!  I've learned enough about patience to fill an entire post, but I'll spare you.  Jesus is teaching us so much; at the top of this week's list:: we should never underestimate Him!!  As I sit here (on the porch!!) listening to the palm trees sway, I considering how to end this random collection of thoughts and happenings.  I'm overwhelmed with how blessed I truly am and I'm humbled by the magnificence of God!!  I mess up, I fall down, I become discouraged... but He is faithful!  He's using me and loving me and guiding me.  He has provided for us, above and beyond anything we could imagine!  AND He threw in a porch, because that's who He is.. my God is generous and intimate and He cares about the 'little things'.  I can't even imagine how amazing the porch time in Heaven will be!!  

[the THREE of us, on the last day of the year!]