---> the nitty gritty

Here's the thing about blogging: in order to share the really good stuff with you readers I also have to share the nitty gritty.  The mountain tops will fail to be appreciated if I'm unable to successfully convey the valleys.  Simple enough.  Unfortunately, that requires the slightly, painful revealing of short comings, moments of impatience and doubts.  I wouldn't have truly appreciated running water without having to fill up/use five gallon containers for six months.  The sweet relief in a riding lawn mower wouldn't have been recognized unless I first elaborated on each agonizing moment of weed wacking!  In that same way, properly communicating the truths God is teaching me hinges on whether or not I'm willing to disclose my reasons for needing to be taught!

[flashlight art!]

Waking up to a negative number in the bank account is not the most pleasant way to start a day.  We were waiting on payment from a few different jobs and knew that funds would be low, but this caught us off guard.  I try really really hard to stay surrendered in this area of life.  I know it 'all burns in the end' and I'm simply a steward of whatever God gives me.  Stressing over money is not only pointless but can lead to arguments, bitterness and stomach pains!  Still a work in progress, however, I let my 'flesh' have the microphone this particular morning, immediately going on the defensive.  I started implying that if Derek hadn't spent so much on his surf board projects this week maybe we wouldn't be in this predicament!  (Looking back, I usually realize that my arguments aren't completely valid- we're in this together, for better or worse, and therefore, equally to blame.  But in the moment, it made perfect sense!)
We poured our coffees and opened up our Bibles; proven remedies for any situation.  I was 'reading' Proverbs 17 but my mind was going a million miles per hour, problem solving.  Then Derek piped up, 'Hey, go to Psalm 78 real quick..' So I flipped back the pages in one swoop and my Bible fell open to... you guessed it, Psalm 78!  Talk about spot on.. David is recounting the Israelites journey through the desert, the incredible provision of God and their redundant questioning of Him.  These people seem unbelievably dense, and yet their story is vaguely familiar.  (I'm starting to realize it's not just coincidence that I see my story mirrored time and time again in the stubborn people throughout the Bible!!)
Derek and I have seen God provide in miraculous ways, our whole lives, but specifically in these past few months.  We've been down to our last three dollars, literally, and then been offered a cleaning job, a construction job and a painting job!  Other times we don't see answers in the form of money or a chance to make money but rather in the realization that the number in our bank account doesn't define how 'rich' we truly are.  God always finds a way to accomplish His purpose, to teach us and mold us; sometimes we just choose to resist, making the lesson a bit more 'painful' than others.  How is it that we have such an amazing Father who promises His everlasting love and unfailing kindness [Jeremiah 31:3] and yet we regularly question His ability to 'make a way' or use a situation for good??

Embracing this truth, I flipped back to Proverbs and decided to start over on 17- actually focusing on the words, and guess what verse one says... 'Better a dry crust with peace and quiet than a house full of feasting, with strife.'  Uh..hello!  If I haven't figured out what 'wealth' truly is, it doesn't matter if I'm a billionaire- I'd still be poor!  My faith and my marriage and this incredible journey I'm on makes me the richest girl in town; I'll take joy, strength, hope and ramen noodles over a juicy steak with a side of bitterness.. any day!  (Note to our mothers:: we're not actually living on ramen, and our bank account is back on track!)  Then verse three says 'The crucible for silver and the furnace for gold, but the LORD tests the heart.'  And I'm reminded of an email I got just TWO DAYS before from a good friend, talking about thanking God for the difficult times in life because it's then that you're growing.  It's easy to praise Him when everything is going well, but it's when we don't understand our circumstances that it becomes vital to trust Him and continue praising.  He is always good and true; He IS love!

[yogurt!!]

Now, what I intended to be the 'opening paragraph or two' has just exploded into a full post... which means I'll give you the miniature version of the rest of our week:: Three days of landscaping work for Derek.  Running errands, two cleaning jobs and a library card for me!  Shaking all the coffee that is currently on racks, ensuring that the beans dry equally.  And our fool-proof method of 'testing' the beans for dryness is to simply bite them!  Two surfboards from a man at church- one to borrow, one to KEEP, kept Derek busy learning about fiberglass vs. epoxy and setting up shop: sanding, fixing, painting, etc.  I successfully made yogurt and started re-teaching myself to read notes on piano music.  Life is good and we're very excited about this coming week- first round of picking at our land AND a visit from our long-lost, German friend!!  Until next time, I pray that you would have strength to embrace the times of 'molding', trusting that God IS at work and in charge!!
-B