Pure sunshine & a sweet, sticky mess!

Confession: sometimes I feel bipolar. Yikes, I just admitted that. But after describing these feelings to Derek not only did he refrain from checking me into a mental institution, but he said 'Ya know, this sounds like a blog post.' So, maybe I should back up a little..

We were sitting outside in the morning breeze, watching Owen and Kai chase each other through the grass. Our little boy is part mischief, part adventurer and pure sunshine. He has redefined so much of our lives and we can't imagine a day without this silly, wiggly, little explorer. But as Derek and I basked in the moment I was reminded of the mess that transpired just an hour before: the box of cereal taken out of the cupboard when my back was turned and the frustration felt upon discovering the entire contents dumped out on to the living room floor.  

This cereal episode was not a big deal, in and of itself, but messes of this proportion seem to be the new norm. Yesterday it was a half gallon of juice, sticky and sweet and puddling all over the floor at my part-time office job.  The day before that it was poop... on his feet, on my leg, almost on my new pair of shorts! You get the point. It literally takes our son less than three, unsupervised seconds to create a disaster of epic proportions. And, granted, that's just par for the course with a tiny human, especially of the male variety. And sometimes we struggle to contain our laughter at the situation. But other times it is anything but funny. In fact, sometimes it's so NOT hilarious that I grit my teeth a little. (Yikes, again..)

But did I mention the JOY that this boy brings to our lives? He waves hello to every single clerk in the bank and gives goodnight kisses that melt your heart. He's learning to be gentle with the cat and his antics have us laughing until we cry. He scrambles up any object he can find (box, tupperware, coffee table) and as he practices balancing, he announces to all that he is 'suufinn' (surfing)! He is exceptionally smart; has a hunger for learning, discovering, running faster and climbing higher. He inspires his Daddy and I to be intentional about living, loving and appreciating the beauty surrounding us. 

The little man has his moments, though, and an attitude, to boot. He's testing us, seeing how far he can push and learning what we'll actually follow through with. It's a battle of wills and although I won't let HIM know it, there are plenty of post-battle occasions where I take refuge around the corner, hang my head for a moment and wonder how it's possible for someone so tiny to be that much more stubborn than me. 

See where these bipolar feelings come from? Or maybe I should redefine the emotions because I am, in no way, making little of mental issues that are very real for many people. I am, however, baffled by the extreme differences in my thoughts and feelings regarding life with a mini man. How is it possible to vary, within a matter of minutes, from knowing I have the best 'job' in the world and wanting to savor each moment- to fighting back tears of frustration and longing for 8pm to roll around??

This morning I was supposed to use nap time to wash windows and scrub toilets but, thankfully, got caught up in the book of Ephesians. In chapter four, Paul is reminding the church that they 'were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.' (verses 22-24)
This truth is so beautiful and mind-boggling and VITAL to our daily survival. It is literally the choice between life and death, allowing our flesh to call the shots or walking in the righteousness offered to each of us through the sacrifice of Jesus Christ. As Owen's mom I have the very unique opportunity to teach this truth by example, this shedding of an 'old self' and putting on of NEW. This is a daily 'dressing', choosing what I will 'put off' and 'put on', and (Yep... insert another YIKES!) my tiny son is watching and learning, whether I have my act together or not.
So, yeah... that new self sounds really nice, but the heaviness of this situation still seems totally overwhelming. The struggle is real and it's constant and the old self is hovering close to the surface as a giant fit gets thrown in the middle of the grocery store. And how am I supposed to be holy in these yucky, overwhelming situations?? How do I go about showing Owen this 'new attitude of mind' when I am bogged down, lonely and exasperated?
Thankfully, Paul goes on in chapter four with some simple instructions. 'In your anger do not sin.' 'Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry' and 'Do not give the devil a foothold.' (verses 26-27) Huge sigh of relief right here. He doesn't say that it's a sin to get frustrated with your toddler (or sweet husband or person driving incredibly slow down the highway...) Instead, he tells us how to deal with the anger and frustrations that are, apparently, inevitable: don't let them lead you into sin, don't let them fester over night and do not let the devil use them to lead you in the wrong direction.
Cereal will be spilled, feelings will be hurt and that 'old self' will beg to take over the reigns. But it's at this point that, instead of being discouraged, we can take heart! Frustration is not grounds for a psych evaluation but an opportunity to overcome. In fact, you haven't even blown it yet, simply because you feel angry. The question is what you will do next. Will we let harsh words fly, will we wound with our silence, will we use our car horn with vengeance? Or will we lean hard into Jesus and PUT ON the new self that He paid for with His life? May we be 'made new' as we take it one day at a time, dressing daily with His righteousness and holiness. May we embrace the journey of becoming more and more of who God created us to be right in the middle of these sweet, sticky messes!