sleep training, Hägen-Dazs & the other me!

Raw honesty: this is what I crave and yet shrink from on a daily basis.  This is a trait I see in all those I truly admire; the ability to 'tell it like it is'.  My role models are not afraid to speak truth.  They are the ones I go to when I need a straight answer, no beating around the bush.  And yet, I find myself sorely lacking in this department.  I'm a people pleaser, a cup-half-full kind of girl. I cringe at the mere whiff of conflict.  Now, I'm not saying there's anything wrong with a positive attitude, as long as it's not fake.  Nothing wrong with saying "It's all good" until it's not all good.  It is incredibly humbling to open up to someone, to admit to struggles and frustrations.

We've been doing a little 'sleep training' at the Pearl house and it's bringing out both the best and worst.  Our sweet son is 14 weeks old and so much stronger than I give him credit for.  The mother bear instinct demands my immediate response when he cries; that is how God designed me.  And yet, we've arrived at the place where I believe he is capable of soothing himself (when all other needs have been met) and learning to fall asleep on his own.  It's not been an easy week, and yet we are seeing enormous progress and I am incredibly proud of that little man!  (So, maybe it's brought out his best and my worst!?)

There were certainly a few days, however, where Derek came home to a grouchy son and a wrung-out wife.  His response: a listening ear and a pint of Häagen-Dazs ice cream.  (Sorry ladies, you can't have him!)  My husband is incredible.  He is also one of those aforementioned people that tells it like it is.  And I needed that this week.  To be reminded that 'the book' (whichever one I happen to be basing my actions upon at the moment) is simply a guideline.  To be told that my feelings may be a bit extreme and yes, actually, it IS crazy to assume I can figure it all out in just one week. 

I wouldn't consider myself a particularly stubborn person.  This week, however, revealed another side of me.  A side with a desperate need to appear as though she has it all together.  (I don't fully want to claim her as ME; referring to her in the third person somehow makes it easier to admit these truths.)  I've never been a mom before and yet this other me feels guilty for not having all the answers.  Okay, if we're being honest, for having NO answers and wanting to pull my (her) hair out!  I held out for several unnecessary days before reaching out to other moms for thoughts, experience and advice.  

Thankfully, upon sucking it up and forming those dreaded words 'I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!' the responses were full of grace, encouragement and, surprisingly, admittance that at one point or another, they had also questioned their sanity.  And yes, they told me, it is all worth it and you're doing just fine!

My Abba, the God of the universe, can also be counted on for His incredible honesty.  On a particularly rough morning this week, with tears in my eyes, I sat down to read a few Psalms and was reminded of His unfathomable love, unprecedented faithfulness and immovable strength.  He is my Rock and Shelter no matter what may besiege me.  And yet His message was delivered with a humorous twist as I realize these words were written by a man being hunted and facing innumerable odds, a man in grave danger!  If God was there for David how can I possibly question His ability to handle my problems?!  He acknowledges that this is a 'battle' in my book and yes, He will meet me where I'm at.  But I do picture a bit of a smile on his face as He gently says 'Daughter, I've handled more daunting problems than nap time..'

When Owen isn't fighting sleep he is the epitome of JOY!  It's incredible how someone so tiny can make such a significant impact on his surroundings!  His 'talking' and big, gummy smiles are day makers.  When greeted by an extremely negative atmosphere in the post office a few days ago, Owen went straight to work with his charm and sweet cooing sounds.  Before we made our exit everyone in the room was smiling.
What else is new with Owen?  He met one set of great grandparents via Facetime.  His hair is getting lighter.  And he has very ticklish ribs!  Sucking on his hands has been a favorite pass time the last few weeks, but just yesterday he discovered his thumb and he's enthralled.

I'm learning to savor my evenings.  Once we kiss Owen and tuck him in for the night it is extremely tempting to tuck myself in as well.  I resist (most nights!) because not only is 7:30 a little pre-mature for bedtime, but Derek and I need time as 'just us'.  Whether drinking coffee and talking about our days, watching a movie or playing cribbage and eating m&m's..  I cherish these times with my best friend.  I NEED those times.  Marriage doesn't go on hold once you become parents, a fun hobby that you'll pick back up once the kiddos leave for college.  Being able to parent to the best of our ability stems from a healthy relationship with God and each other.  And that requires effort, commitment, staying up a little bit later and, on occasion, a beat down in cards :)

In the same way that I need to invest in my husband, I need quality time with Jesus!  He's been beckoning to me through His amazing creation this week.  Alright, I'll be honest.. I actually ventured outside in the wee hours of the morning for a banana.  But, once I was out there and saw the glorious array of twinkling lights I couldn't help but sit down and gaze at the heavens.  God is so magnificent!  The sunsets have been especially wonderful this week as well.  They actually stop me in my tracks and I can't help but say 'Wow, God.. you did it again!'
Psalm 19:1 'The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of His hands.'